Friday, September 29, 2006

Puppet Watch: "Martin Scorcese's "Sesame Streets"

The latest in puppet chic


It Just Ain't a Blog...

without the Daily Show

and Jamie Lidell

First User Submission

Someone e-mailed this video to me, presumably so I could put it on my blog. I don't know the person, so I am calling it my first user-submitted video. I feel like the Ebaum's of comedy now.

Remembrance of Videos Past #28: Pixies, "Here Comes Your Man"

MTV had this show back when I was 14 (1990) called College MTV. Before they used the word "alternative," they used the word "college." This guy whose last name was Ibrahim (my last name, Mr. Ibrahim if you're nasty) requested The Pixies' "Here Comes Your Man." Finally, someone on TV with my last name who's not a terrorist. At the time I was disappointed because I was a metalhead and this song was twee. I did find this video funny though. None of them move their lips.

That was the last time I saw someone with the last name "Ibrahim" on TV who was not a terrorist. It was also the last time they played the Pixies on MTV.

Moby Schtick: The World's Longest Joke (Part 5: The Shocking Finale)

previously on Moby Schtick

"You know what, here's a Big Mac for free you chromosomal anomaly."

The genie gave a sideways glance at the armchair psychonanlyst.

"Three more wishes and I can go back on the cover of 'The Return of Jafar' so make it snappy, Sigmund Roid."

"Wish fulfillment is an infantile activity. Worse still, I am disturbed by Mo!'s juvenile attempt to create a week-long joke. It seems like the most pathological defense mechanism. Tell me Mo!, does getting to the punchline give you attachment anxiety?"

Um, no. If you would just shut up and get on with the joke we could get to the punchline already.

"Classic case of projection. He creates a fictional ego psychologist in order to project his insecurity at delivering a good punchline. Nevermind that I am clearly his creation, he wishes to blame me in this piss-poor exercise in metafiction."

Fuck this shit I'm gonna write a rant on the NIE report.

"Or you could just grant me my three wishes."


"I wish to end this dream. Dreams are the only place where we get whatever we truly wish for."

And so the psychoanalyst woke up in his armchair with his girlfriend Jeanie on top of him, a Skee-Lo song blasting on his alarm radio, Bill O'Reilly ranting about suicide bombers on TV and a cheese-fondue stirring samurai in his kitchen talking to Frank Whaley and Kelly LeBrock with a clinically depressed chicken on his shoulder.


Coming up:

Remembrance of Videos Past
Funny videos

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Remembrance of Videos Past #27: Anthrax and Public Enemy, "Bring the Noise"

When I was 15 (1991) I was a metalhead. Like most heads, I liked some pop-metal and had a love/hate relationship with Metallica. But nobody topped Anthrax. It was a NY thing I guess. Back then they were very interesting. Most bands looked gloomy - they smiled in pictures. They were also the only thrash band to wear shorts while the rest had jeans on. I first heard of the phrase "I'm the man" from Anthrax.

When this video was released, my whole 10th grade class was singing it. For the first time, I felt protective of a band. As this Wesleyan indie rock DJ says in this decent article on indie culture on CNN that I learned about from Coolfer

I feel it's an affront to me that someone with vapid tastes could be exposed to the stuff that I like.

Oh relax. I was fifteen at the time (though imagine how I felt when the jocks in my class started to like Nirvana four months after I did).

This video, more than the Aerosmith/Run DMC video, held more promise of black and white unity. With the latter, it seemed like the two acts were competing, with a tacked-on reconciliation at the end. Public Anthrax seemed poised to stick their fists in Bush Sr.'s face.

Nowadays Scott Ian from Anthrax does videos with Brian Posehn (check the bonus section). Flavor Flav has ladies shit on his floor. But back then Anthrax and Public Enemy brought the...well, you know.


Moby Schtick: The World's Longest Joke (Part 4)

Previously on Moby Schtick

"My third wish, now that I can feel pleasure, is to get a massage."

The genie teleported Bill O'Reilly onto the ship. Bill got out the loofah and falafel and rubbed that chicken tenderly. At the end, the chicken said "That was half-assed." Bill turned to the genie and winked. "I only like the right wing."

As if the genie's job could not get worse, washed-up '90's rapper Skee-Lo stepped forward.

This Skee-Lo

After the video was over, the genie said "Lemme guess-"

"Allow me," said Skee.

"I wish I was a little bit taller."

"Sigh, wish granted."

"I wish I was a baller."

"You're gonna drag this out aren't you. Wish granted."

"I wish I had a Big Mac for a dollar."


"Allow my boys from Oh Word to demonstrate"

The genie said "You know what-"


Stay tuned for what will either be a smackdown or a MACdown in the EXPLOSIVE SERIES FINALE.

Indie Yuppie Watch: Hipster Doctors?

We all know about indie yuppies. But on TV it seems that the only shows about professionals that have an indie soundtrack are doctor shows. Back in '02, before Braff rock, there was the Scrubs soundtrack, which featured The Shins' "New Slang" (before the song changed lives, it saved lives [groan]) as well as a Guided By Voices song ("Hold on Hope").

"Grey's Anatomy" has two indie yuppie soundtracks. On Volume 1 you can find Postal Service, Rilo Kiley, Medeski, Martin and Wood as well as Psapp. Volume 2 (#23 on the Billboard charts), in addition to featuring the adult contemporary indie of Snow Patrol (many credit "Grey's Anatomy" with making the band popular) also has Metric and Jamie Lidell.

Sure "Grey's Anatomy" is trying to rip off "The OC"'s tastemaking campaign. But why do none of the lawyer shows have this music? "Law and Order," "NCIS," "JAG," "Justice" and "Shark" won't even play Death Cab for Cutie. My guess: it's hard to look like a vicious star attorney asshole with Tegan and Sarah in the background. That or the courts love the major labels so much they only pimp classic rock like Warren Zevon's "Lawyers, Guns and Money" (the theme song to "Justice").

I'm putting up "Excitable Boy" from the late great Warren Zevon because I'm a high-powered hotshot asshole.

Hottest Alt-Comics on iTunes

According to Todd Jackson's wonderful Dead Frog blog here are the top five alt-comedy albums on iTunes this week.

5) Brian Posehn, Live in Nerd Rage (54 on iTunes)
4) David Cross, Shut Up You Fucking Baby (37 on iTunes)
3) David Cross, It's Not Funny (36 on iTunes)
2) Mike Birbiglia, Two Drink Mike (29 on iTunes)
1) Patton Oswalt, Feelin' Kinda Patton (#24 on iTunes)

So Sarah Silverman might be the most searched-for alt- comic, Posehn might have the most MySpace friends and Bob Powers might have the highest ranked blog on Technorati but when he's not the king of AST or goofing off with the King of Queens, Patton Oswalt is the king of alt-comedy on iTunes.

Far and away the youngest alt-comedian making waves is Mike Birbiglia and he deserves it. I still tell his rap jokes to myself in the car and chuckle my ass off.

In general chart news, Weird Al topples Dane Cook. Revenge of the nerds indeed!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Remembrance of Videos Past #26: The Breeders, "So Sad About Us (Live on Letterman)"

In '93, I was a seventeen-year old bespectacled Brillo-headed Who fan. So when I saw Letterman and heard this modern band do a cover of "So Sad About Us," I flipped out. This wasn't "Can't Explain" or "Tommy" - this was a nugget only a fan would know. So I liked the Breeders before Last Splash was released. When it came out I bought it. Yes the music was great, but I have never felt that frisson again - that feeling that a band was looking through my music collection and nodding with approval.

Moby Schtick: The World's Longest Joke (Part 3)

Previously on Moby Schtick

"The way of the samurai preaches against desire, so I might as well stop being a samurai and indulge. I want to kiss the perfect woman."

The genie, knowing of only one paradigm of the perfect woman, produced Kelly LeBrock.

"Kelly LeBrock? The captain of Kelly's Bellies on Celebrity Fit Club? YUCK!," said Shogut unironically. As LeBrock provocatively sucked the cheese-covered wooden sword, the fat samurai was smitten.

After making a screwface, the genie asked "Who's next?"

The clinically depressed chicken lethargically raised her wing. "I wish to go on a never-ending road trip. I'm tired of crossing the road simply to get to the other side. What a meaningless life."

The genie, knowing that a never-ending road trip was impossible, did the next best thing and threw the chicken in Amanda Congdon's car. "What? I'm actually meeting Atrios in person? Cluck!"

Sensing the chicken's dissatisfaction, the genie asked if the chicken had another wish. "Well, I am clinically depressed. Things that used to give me pleasure - like playing tic-tac-toe in Chinatown - make me depressed. I want to be able to enjoy things again so I can appreciate my third wish."

"Wish granted"

"My third wish, now that I can feel pleasure, is to get a massage."


Stay tuned for part four, or as I call it, the "politics and hip hop" episode.

Puppet Watch: Rap Cat

I detected a puppet trend from way back when. Looks like Checker's is hip to the trend with Rap Cat. via YBNBY

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Remembrance of Videos Past #25: Mother Love Bone, "Stardog Champion"

Getiing into grunge at age 16 (1992) I dug deep into its history. I listened to Green River, Mudhoney and Mother Love Bone. Mother Love Bone had all the members from Pearl Jam except Eddie Vedder so they really interested me. Lead singer Andrew Wood died of a heroin overdose before this video was released. Most of the kids in my class hated MLB. One metal nerd was happy that Wood OD'd. To this day, it seems that few commemorate their music. Post-grunge fans flock to Nickelback, alternative fans blast emo in their daddy's Ford Escort, indie snobs disdain virtually all things grunge. So enough about me and the scene and let's enjoy the legacy of Andrew Wood that lives on: his music. I wisht there a way to write about death without sounding hokey, but there isn't. Just watch the video.

Moby Schtick: The World's Longest Joke (Part 2)

Previously on Moby Schtick

Part 2

"I wish all atheists believed in God."

The genie released a song from Scott Stapp on the radio where he preaches against God because Mr. Stapp is not king anymore. The latest piece of Stappola blames God for all that's wrong with the world. All the atheists flock to monotheistic temples and the Unitarian suicide bomber is impressed.
"Thank you genie."
"Ain't a thing but a chicken wing, Unibrow. Now who wants their wishes granted next?"

The fat, cheese fondue-stirring samurai stepped forward.

"I stir this fondue pot with my metal sword and metal conducts heat, which makes it unbearable. But my code forces me to stir with a sword. I would like a wooden sword please."

The genie granted the fat samurai his wish, but the swordsman noticed that his experience points went down as a result.

"Could you please raise my experience points?"

"What do I look like, Game Genie?" He reluctantly raised Hattori Fatso's experience points back to normal.

"The way of the samurai preaches against desire, so I might as well stop being a samurai and indulge. I want to kiss the perfect woman."


Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode, when a celebrity makes a cameo appearance and a depressing road trip ensues.

Casual Comedy

Ebaum's:MySpace, YouTube, Google Video
Microsoft Solitaire: Newgrounds, Digg

Casual games
started out as built-in Windows programs like Solitaire and Minesweeper.Then, more websites featured user-submitted video games, leading to far more creative, idiosyncratic time-wasters. Same thing is happening with comedy. Back then Ebaums's, like Microsoft, decided what you would play. Now with YouTube, Google Video and MySpace video (which is surprisingly more popular than YouTube and Google) the crowd, not some dude in Rochester, decides what it wants to see. This explains why Ebaum's traffic is taking a nosedive

Just like any medium, the web has increasingly featured more sophisticated works. Now we're watching sketch comedy

as opposed to The World's Dumbest Videos on Ebaum's (note: their embed codes suck)

Americans are finally getting smarter about politics (as evinced by Bush's increasing unpopularity) and comedy (we can now predict that 9 out of 10 videos on Ebaum's will have someone bust their ass).

Which means I have to retire my script for the video I was gonna put up on Ebaum's:

A Wedge Between Us

a screenplay by Mo!


Medium shot; two men, Mike and Jamie.

JAMIE (softly):Hey Mike.
MIKE: (turns around gets a wedgie)
JAMIE: Haha, faggot!

(fade to black, show graphic on chiron for


Racism: The Lazy Man's Hatred

Anthony from London gives a weekly blog seminar on how to hate your way to happiness.
This week's lesson: racism is the lazy person's way to hate. Hatred should be tailor-made for the individual.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Remembrance of Videos Past #24: Styx, "Show Me the Way"

I was a conservative until I turned seventeen. Throughout Gulf War I, I wore a sweatshirt to gym class that said "We came, we saw, we kicked ass!"

The first Friday Mass after that war (my mom sent me to Catholic school even though neither of us was Catholic) Father Frank criticized the war. As a budding military geek who played flight simulators on the PC and built model airplanes, I was infuriated. Then he played Styx's "Show Me the Way" to the congregation. What? Anti-Bush Christian rock? My head was about to explode, but I loved the song and was transforming into a peacenik. Whenever I saw that sepia-tinted video on VH-1, I would reflect on peace and all that yucky folkie garbage.

Today, anti-war rockers are a dime a dozen. Disturbed and Yo La Tengo have spoken out. But back then, Styx was the most prominent anti-war rock band. Whoever said the worse the times are the better the music is was right.

BONUS: Styx might have been the best media theorists of the 20th century.

Moby Schtick: The World's Longest Joke (Part 1)

Clive Thompson wrote in Wired Magazine today about how games that offer 40 hours worth of gameplay only appeal to harcore gamers. Video game publishers have tried to appeal to both the casual gaming crowd and the fanatics by releasing games in installments with serialized narratives, making them similar to "24" and Lost."

In order to win casual comedy fans who only have time for one minute videos on eBaums' as well as comedy nerds who have watched all of Doug Stanhope's television spots, I will create the world's longest episodic joke. This is the premiere. The gripping finale will be on Friday. I present Moby Schtick: The World's Longest Joke.

One time a Unitarian suicide bomber, a fat, cheese fondue-stirring samurai, a clinically depressed chicken, a washed-up '90's rapper (Skee-Lo) and an armchair psychoanalyst were on a boat together in search of Frank Whaley, that guy from "Pulp Fiction." The Unitarian suicide bomber opened his jacket, brought out a bottle filled with nitroglycerine and had a lighter in his hand. He screamed "In the name of all religions, we will be martyrs!" Proceeding to open the bottle cap, a genie popped out. Convinced that this was divine intervention, the Unitarian suicide bomber knelt obsequiously before the genie and said "Your wish is my command, O Great 1!"
The genie said "P'shaw! What nonsense. I will grant you three wishes!"

Without haste the Unitarian said "I would like all the religions to put aside their differences and unite."

The genie directed a Madonna video, put it on YouTube and sure enough all the religions forged an indestructible alliance against her.

The second wish: "Hey I noticed some Satanists in the crowd. I wish all Satanists were dead."

The genie became Slayer's PR guy and had all the members cut their hair and try to appeal to indie rock fans like Metallica did in the '90's, thus forcing all Satanists to kill themselves.

Wish #3: "I wish all the atheists believed in God."


Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode, when Scott Stapp and a wooden sword make guest appearances.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Zach Braff: Music Tastemaker By Day, Comedy Tastemaker By Night

Zach Braff doesn't only introduce us to adult contemporary indie bands. He also wants to give us a sample of alternative comedy. David Cross's Tobias Funke character on "Arrested Development" will be revived on "Scrubs" if it's the last thing the Braff does (considering his latest flop, it might be).

Braff introduced many people to good bands like The Shins, so David Cross is The Shins of this comedy tastemaking venture. But for every Shins the Braff includes quasi-indie easy-listening bullshit into the Braff Pack. Here are some other comics Braff might like that are kind of alternative, but sensitive as well:

Pussywillow: Pussywillow is an alternative LA comic who talks about heartbreaks he has suffered from all the pink robots he's known before. Yes, he makes a cheesy Flaming Lips reference.

Jodi Menuda: A female comedy musician who sings about how men love Nintendo football while playing the accordian.

Zach Braff Emo Tragedian: Straight from the mall, Emo Tragedian does stand-up tragedy. People laugh at how he cries at the most mundane things. Here's a sample:

My mom bought me a shirt from Hot Topic like I asked her too. But it wasn't a Fall Out Boy shirt; it was a Family Guy shirt. Waaah! I went to the food court and Sbarro's had no chicken francaise so I settled for a Cinnabon but I wanted something salty! Waaaah!

Remembrance of Videos Past #23: Nikki D, "Daddy's Little Girl"

This song sampled "Tom's Diner" from DNA featuring Suzanne Vega. Nikki D. was a large black woman who reminded me of this white girl in my high school class with similar teeth. One time I saw her at the Jamesport Carnival and I successfully avoided eye contact with her. I remember her singing Arrested Development's "Ease My Mind" in class.
This video is black and white and features the last female MC to wear pants and not show off her ass. Why not show off her ass? Cuz she's daddy's little girl jerksauce!

Hot Tub Goes Major

In other acquisitions news, Comix snatched Hot Tub from the PIT. This could be good or bad. Hopefully the prices won't skyrocket for their shows now. Hopefully, more people will hear of the amazing Kristen Schaal and Kurt Braunohler. I know I've knocked Comix before but maybe they are on to something good. I have to admit it makes more sense to appeal to comedy nerds as well as casual comedy audiences.
But I still don't think I'm wrong in saying that they are the Urban Outfitters of comedy. Sometimes Urban Outfitters has great clothes. Most of it is junk though. And I do like Hot Tub and Dave Hill, but here's what I also see on Comix's sales floor:

Adele Givens
Josh Blue
Danny Bonaduce

What does Hot Tub have in common with these three jesters? Hot Tub is surreal; the three chuckle jockeys above look ready for The Surreal Life.

UPDATE (2/6/07): I was 30 when I wrote this. I turned 31 today and take everything back. Truth is I am an idiot. For some reason I thought alternative comedians made money from alternative shows. I didn't know they did it for free. So this club helps comics like Dave Hill and Kristen Schall make money. I am an idiot and Comix rules.

MTV Buys Guitar Hero, Hoping to Sell it Elsewhere at a Higher Price and Buy MySpace

We all know Guitar Hero is one of the most important games of the decade. Even the out-of-touch over-the-hill spring break alkies at MTV know. MTV has purchased Harmonix, the company that makes Guitar Hero, to the tune of $175 million.

from Idolator:

MTV has been snapping up tech companies in an attempt to augment its sluggishly performing cyberspace offerings--and, no doubt, to make itself feel better about missing out on MySpace--but this purchase is the network's first clear play for the aspiring Yngwie Malmsteens of America since Metal Mania debuted on VH1 Classic.

Wow, Viacom is that desperate to appeal to the young rippersnappers huh. Hey Viacom, get Comedy Central on the horn, the klaxon, whatever you fat geezers call it: I've got a game called Comedy Hero. It's a li'l bit similar to Guitar Hero. This is how you play:

So you wanna tell jokes huh? Well you can't just tell jokes. The secret to comedy is timing. So get Comedy Hero; it has a peripheral microphone that you move in sync with the jokes. In the brackets I describe what you do with the mike.

"Ever been to the drive thru?"
[put microphone in mouth]
"Wa-wa. Can I take your order?"
"Boy are my arms tired."
[tap microphone]
"Is this thing on?"
"So my kid says to me 'Since Sartre said there is no God, man is a useless passion'."
[beat kid with microphone]
"You're a useless passion dummy!"
"How do gay people have sex?"
[put microphone on crotch]
"You're a sick bastard player 1."
[put mike on forehead]
"I'm a unicorn; speak into my horn."
[put mike on crotch]
"Speak into my good horn baby."
[shove microphone up ass]
"They told me I'd get raped if I did a gig at the Yuk Hut!"

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Remembrance of Videos Past #22: Mellow Man Ace, "Mentirosa"

This video is so old school, it has a typewriter and instead of showing thongs, it shows legs. When I was fifteen, I learned little in Spanish class, but I knew how to cuss out a mentirosa (liar) in seconds flat thanks to Mellow Man. Love the typeritten translations across the bottom of the screen. Between this, the Pearl Jam lyrics booklet in the CD jewel case of Ten and the Se7en opening credits sequence, typewriter font was all the rage in the '90's.
The Santana sample was better than the source material. In this video our hero gives his testimony against this alleged tramp (the girl often makes snappy comebacks like "A skeezer? Don't be calling me no skeezer!"). Mellow Man Ace also masquerades as a priest listening to Mentriosa's confessions. So he's a plaintiff and a priest. The trial takes place in a church with God being the judge presumably. At 3:39, Kennedy does a sexy dance. No need to spoil the gripping plot: watch this video. It's viejo escuela.

Showalter's Alive!

After a whole month of not posting, Showalter has made a triumphant return to the blogosphere with an apology to the readers as well as his ruminations on his awkward interview with the King of WTF Tom Green.

Feeling blue by the overwhelming amount of comedic choices on the web? Just bookmark Showalter's blog, one of the top 40 stand-up blogs on the Internet.

Stumbling on Laughter

Today on The Show Ze Frank talked about Daniel Gilbert's book Stumbling on Happiness. Particularly surprising is that, contrary to popular belief, we tend to be happy when we are forced to do things. When we have to choose between two or more options, we often regret not opening proverbial door number 2.

Is this the same with laughter? Let's compare comedy on the web (something we probably see every day) to comedy at the movies (something we see once a month at best).


(courtesy of RosePhotosEtc)

There are so many ways to get laughs on the Internet: lists of knock-knock jokes, sketch videos on YouTube, pornographic Sudoku mosaics, you name it. But how many of these memes do we remember? The most famous Internet stars - Dane Cook and Andy Milonakis - remained famous because of their repeated TV appearances on Jimmy Kimmel, eventually getting contracts with HBO and MTV respectively. But the vast majority of comedic Internet virals (Star Wars Kid, All Your Base) provide a sheepish chuckle at work, only to be forgotten an hour later. One game of sudoku and you'll forget about the latest Numa Numa video.

And don't we regret most of our choices? The only thing more dispiriting than listening to the latest disappointingly dull indie craze or choosing the mature porno thumbs over the ethnic nudie galleries is watching the latest fat boy act like an idiot. Not only do we regret most of our choices, but we rarely commit to the few things we do like. Don't believe me? How many times have you changed your bookmarks? Yes, even you don't want to commit to the fat kid.

But we do like the fat kid's lack of circumspection. Something about it is just...different. Difference is good with routine activities. The more often we do something, the more variety we like according to Gilbert. Every workday we browse the web. Thus, on Monday we laugh at the fat kid dancing. On Friday we laugh at another fat boy thinly slicing crepes with a sword.


We've all been dragged to a movie once in our lives, if not once a month. I challenge you to tell me of a genre of entertainment that has more awesomely bad works than cinema. Today's bad comedies are tomorrow's nostalgic quotefests. "What's a dickfer?" would get buried on Digg, but since it was in "Spies Like Us," we quote it at frat parties as well as boho coke parties in Tribeca. Besides that, we have dramas that are unintentionally hilarious. "Showgirls" or "The Room" will probably make you laugh harder than any fat guy flailing his arms on the Internet ever will. I'm flailing my arms now and you aren't laughing.

There are also fewer options in theaters than anywhere else. Unless you live in a major city, you're probably going to decide between "Jackass: Number Two" or "Artie Lange's Beer League" tomorrow night (assuming you're in the mood for comedy). Even if you don't laugh at "Beer League" tomorrow, your co-workers will quote it and you'll probably let out a soft chortle. Still above it? On VH-1 next month a bunch of ultrahip urban downtown comics counting down the funniest movies of September will quote it and you'll be saying "You know, in Massachussets, that order could legally marry a dude."

Not only does the multiplex have less funny than cyberspace, but the few comedies there are tend to be bland. Even Letterman has outrageous stand-up comics on his show. But, for many people, going to the movies is an occasion and as Daniel Gilbert says, "Valentine’s Day is hearts and flowers, New Year’s Eve is champagne and paper hats." Film buffs will scoff at "Beer Fest," but teens who haven't gone to the movies in ages will love the dick jokes.

CONCLUSION: The average person likes a few bland comedies at the movies and many absurdist memes on the web. While many of us are free to choose from a dizzying array of funny websites, virtually none of them are satisfying. Many of us have been dragged into comedies we thought we would hate only to be pleasantly surprised (i.e., "White Chicks").

This is troubling news though. This blog is on the Internet and has to compete with so many other NY comedian blogs vying for the reader's attention. Moreover, with all those choices my blog needs to stand out from the others. How do I force people to read my blog?

All the other blogs are written by people who eat spinach, so you could get E. Coli reading their blogs. I am anemic, so this is a safe, spinach-free blog with plenty of thinly sliced crepes.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Remembrance of Videos Past #21: Apache, "Gangsta Bitch"

No personal anecdote here. My girlfriend wants this video up and I'm in a rush.

If I did have a personal anecdote about this it would go like this:

Yeah I remember Gangsta Bitch. With all those gangsta bitches. Yeah, it was funny and smooth. The beat was tight. That video - LOL! Back in the day. I never heard the words Gangsta Bitch before. I love the part when he goes "Gangsta Bitch." My favorite part of the song. Without it, there would be no "Gangsta Bitch."

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Funny Eugene Mirman Phone Conversation

His blog is updated as often as a subway map is but he recently posted his latest phone conversation on his Village Voice blog.

Most Shocking Homestar Runner Ever

E-mail show host Strong Bad has suffered the worst fate imaginable. Tune in for the jaw-dropping cliffhanger!

Remembrance of Videos Past #20: West Coast All-Stars, "We're All in the Same Gang"

Back when I was 15 I laughed at this song. Ain't a damn thing changed. I will tirelessly support the anti-gang violence message and one day I will loop that beat and make my own mash-up, but some of the cameos...

You try not to laugh when Michel'le belts out the chorus and follows with her helium-voiced reminder: "Make the change, cause we're all in the same gang." MC Hammer drops what may be his hardest rhyme yet, turning this video into The Surreal Gang Life.

Were it not for these ridiculous guest appearances, this song might have reduced gang violence and saved lives. Even Jews and Muslims in the Middle East would realize they are in the same gang. But because Michel'le was Dre's shorty and Hammer was on the west coast, we still have crack, gang bangin' and 50 Cent.

The Church of Beelzeboho

Brooklyn Vegan wrote an incredible blog post exploring hipster metal. Since he writes a music blog he cannot focus on other issues tangentially related to hipster metal. Religion, for instance. Most of these hipster metalheads are members of a new satanic cult called the Church of Beelzeboho. While most religous fundamentalists - whether they are neocons or terrorists - are fighting over the Holy Land, the satanic metalhead Beelzebohos are fighting over the Hipster Land. Though the conflict was previously contained in the LES and Williamsburg, it has spread to Park Slope, SoBro and Astoria as well. As poor black families are pushed out of their apartments, satanic hipster metal rituals are on the rise. To the soundtrack of Mastodon and Wolfmother, they watch old horror movies and drink goblets filled with caffeinated goat's blood-flavored malt liquor.

Beelzebohos are non-violent - their greatest sin is sloth. Determined to remain unemployed, they do not even work hard at being satanists. To the undiscerning eye, they appear to be Christians. Though they are singing Christian songs or rocking out to Stryper they are doing so ironically. Many hellfire hipsters do not even take Satan seriously, which means they are apostates of their own faith. When they throw up the devil horns at Witchcraft concerts they do so ironically. Perhaps what's most shocking of all is their lack of respect for indie rock orthodoxy. Though they have a mock interest in both Stryper and Slayer, a deafening volley of scoffs will erupt at any mention of bohemian pop stalwarts like Yo La Tengo or Flaming Lips. But like any other Satanists, they kneel at the devil's pitchfork.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

New Hip-Hop Subcultures

Oh Word writes about the death of white hip-hop. With RJD2 rebranding himself as an electronica folkie and most of the Anticon guys turning into indie rockers, Sacha Orenstein concludes that white hip-hop is pretty much dead.

Whether this is true or not, there are definitely some seismic changes going on in hip-hop. Truth is I know some hip-hop scenes that are so obscure and underground, they cannot even be linked to. So besides puppet hip-hop and nerdcore, here are the new scenes in hip-hop:

Insurance Rap

MCs are known for their outstanding claims. Insurance rappers like Collision are all the rage in SoBro, the original home of hip-hop. Collision raps about all the seedy undertakings in the insurance game: rim insurance fraud, pretending to live in Pennsylvania for cheaper insurance, fake-ass herbs like the Gecko.

Defense Attorney Hip-Hop

Every gangsta needs a lawyer. Mind you, none of these rappers are lawyers; they are law students with awful grades. Indeed, many times they answer popular rap songs, explaining how the murders that rappers typically describe couldn't have happened, reducing the unwilling defendant's cred. "If biggie shot dred in the head/He wouldn't have time to take the bread and the lambspread," is one of the more notorious lyrics to come out of the scene. Some of the more popular rappers include the Def Attorneys and the Star Lawyers.


This is the most underground scene of all. Elected officials in white ski masks drop the sickest, most twisted shit about guns, fucking up black people, bitch slapping sand niggas and stealing elections. One of these rappers chose the foolishly obvious tag "Dubya1946."

UPDATE: Thanks for having a sense of humor, Oh Word.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Remembrance of Videos Past #19: Michel'le, "No More Lies"

I'm doing two RVPs today because I didn't do one yesterday. I crashed went to bed too early.It's been a while since this segment has featured a pop video, so let me take you back to 1990 and the song that rocked the crowd at the eighth grade dance: Michel'le, "No More Lies." First thing you'll notice: Dr. Dre is making the phone call. Second thing: Michel'le brushes him off. She never had a hit after that. Just saying.What shocked me was that the same girl sang that chipmunk part of the song. I assumed it was Steve Urkel. Even stranger was the chorus. At one point it sounds like she's saying "Scream for Mario II." Which is silly because everyone knows Super Mario II was almost as bad as Mario Sunshine. But who am I to argue with Urkel?

Remembrance of Videos Past #18: Black Crowes, "Jealous Again"

The Black Crowes were the Hold Steady of the early '90's. Hold Steady is the bar band that hipsters respect; Black Crowes were the bar band that metalheads liked. Was there a nerd/dork who couldn't relate to this song? It was the only love song this lonely 14-year old North African-American metal geek could relate to.

Chris Robinson's pro-pot stance scared me. At a time when Aerosmith and Motley Crue were making explicitly anti-drug statements, I felt guilty for liking the Brothers Robinsons' evil demon weed blooze boogie. What's worse, this girl in second-period earth science almost made me cry when she told me she saw Axl Rose sniffing some booger sugar. Nowadays I'm shocked when rock stars like Jack White don't do coke.

The video was revolutionary for its time because it was the only rock video that MTV played in the daytime where none of the members had make-up or crazy hair. Indeed, these guys paved the way for rock that wasn't necessarily metal or glam.

Of course the song is more timely than ever considering Kowen WilHudson.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Cranky Old-School Nerd Gives Geek Chic Posers a Tongue Lashing

My man David Brin gives geeks who don't know BASIC an ass whuppin.

from Salon:

So, what's the parallel hobby skill today? What tech-marvel has boys and girls enthralled, tinkering away, becoming expert in something dazzling and practical and new? Shooting ersatz aliens in "Halo"? Dressing up avatars in "The Sims"? Oh sure, there's creativity in creating cool movies and Web pages. But except for the very few who will make new media films, do you see a great wave of technological empowerment coming out of all this?

Daaamn! Someone hide that snob in those Mac commercials away from him!

Worth clicking on ad if you don't have registration.

Awkward Watercooler Blog Post

No I don't watch Project Runway...

I never got into Lonelygirl15...

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Puppet Chic

Now this is a trend that I can get behind. Between Wonder Showzen and Avenue Q, everyone knows that puppets are the cat's pajama jam.

It all started with Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.

Then came Being John Malkovich, a Spike Jonze film about a puppeteer.

But the craze began in earnest with Crank Yankers , which featured many great comics including Patton Oswalt and Mitch Hedberg.

After that, puppets were all over America.

On Broadway

In Hollywood


Behind the scenes on the Lonelygirl15 phenomenon:

In indie rock videos

After all, Yo La Tengo loves puppets


Even Beck is touring with puppets.

But now the puppets are taking downtown Manhattan. The Village Voice has alerted this tastemaker to the latest trend in puppet chic: puppet hip-hop! They may be underground now, but A-Ron's puppet proteges The Kid America Club and Bandy are going to be all over NYC like Netflix envelopes with residue of last night's coke party. Don't believe me? After you check out their live-ass webpage watch this lesson on how to get gold fronts.

While most people follow trends, I anticipate them. No time to waste: here are some new genres of puppet art/entertainment that I am ready to exploit explore.

Puppet Burlesque

Puppets are hip. Burlesque is hip. I'm surprised nobody's thought of combining the two. Just cover your puppet in balloons and pop them one by one until it's naked. For the big finish, take the puppet off your hand and show off those dazzling gold pasties you've got on your fingers. Rreeeow!

Puppet Slam Poetry

Why keep all that rage contained in one person? Just give an apoplectic rant on racism and vaginas, have the puppet say all the racist things you are too afraid to say, and beat up the puppet at the end of your rant. Or better yet, have your puppet beat you up. Be the first person in literary history to read a poem and drink a glass of water at the same time.

Puppet T-Shirts

Can't find anything ironic enough to put on that ringer tee? Target has no pseudo-indie garb for that last ditch effort at wearable snarkiness? Meh, you are too good to be an aloof bohemian anyway. What happens when your friend's mother dies and you are wearing a "Who farted?" T-shirt? Get a puppet T-shirt so you can say whatever, whenever. So your friend has a T-shirt that says "Robot Collections Agency." Just reach into that parrot puppet you got on your chest and say "Slap me five jive turkey." Or "Don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk!" Now who's the life of the party?

If the Grim Reaper makes an unscheduled appearance and someone OD's in the bathroom, have your chest parrot cry and give a stirring speech on love, mortality and the perils of a nasty dunk.

Puppet Tattoos

Afraid that you are going to get a tat with your lover's name on it only to break up? Puppet tattoos make such worries a thing of the past. When you break up, you can reach your fingers into "Pat" and mock that jackhole with your very own shoulder puppet show. Or you can get an ass puppet tattoo, stick your fingers up your ass and really put that asshole behind you.

UPDATE: Thanks Apiary

Remembrance of Videos Past #17: Elvis Costello and the Attractions, "Radio, Radio"

Though this song came out in 1978, I didn't see the video until I was 13. It was on Classic MTV with Martha Quinn in 1989 (I must give credit to nnaw's comment on the page for reminding me of this show ). I used to think of Elvis Costello as the douchebag who sang "Veronica" and really needed to get a new first name. This video changed everything. Long before Rivers Cuomo of Weezer rocked the coke bottles that now seem ubiquitous in the LES, I identified with Elvis because he wore glasses and rocked hard. After seeing this video, I wore my specs with pride.

Of course the song has only become more relevant with Clear Channel's domination of the airwaves, the fall of modern rock radio in New York, the popularity of right-wing talk show hosts and the end of Air America. Luckily, we have blogs, webzines and YouTube so they can't "anesthetize the way that [we] feel." Enjoy the "sound salvation" of "Radio, Radio."

(courtesy of rudycat2)

BONUS: Why Elvis will always be more punk rock than Panic! at the Disco could ever hope to be.

(courtesy of blackkeno)

LGF: Rip-off of 1930s German Kids' Book

I used to let my son read Little Green Footballs because the title seemed innocent. When I read it, I thought it was funny as all get out. Unfortunately, none of it is original. I don't mind my son reading hate speech. But the reason I don't let him read anything by Hezbollah or Hamas is because their literature is derivative of the Nazis. Well turns out that some readers of LGF have been stealing from this 1930s German kids' book I learned about on Boing Boing. What's poor Charlie Johnson to do? He can't track down all the comments on his page! I figured I would help him find these thieves.

The Inconspicuous Enemy

The Toadstool
"Just as it is often hard to tell a toadstool from an edible mushroom, so too it is often very hard to recognize the Jew as a swindler and criminal..."

Little Green Footballs
"Okay here comes the splash of cold water. Are you sure the writer is Muslim? Are you sure he is not engaging in taquiya? The fine Muslim art of lying through his teeth."

On Cleanliness


"Just look at these guys! The louse-infested beards! The filthy, protruding ears..."

Little Green Footballs

"We should realize that because we refuse (except maybe you perhaps) to convert to islam, it is our fault the filthy Arab animals, the islamic animals you defend, are out raping little girls and boys, beheading men and women and killing anyone and everyone who does not bow down to them in the name of allah."

That Darn Book

The Toadstool

"In the Talmud it is written: 'Only the Jew is human. Gentile peoples are not called humans, but animals.'"

Little Green Footballs

"Because it's in the Koran
It's written in the Koran
That we should fight and slay the infidels
However we can"

Cruelty to Animals

The Toadstool

"The animal fell once more to the ground. Slowly it died. The Jews stood around and laughed."

Little Green Footballs

"Gratuitous Arab cruelty to animals is an underexplored topic."

The Struggle

The Toadstool

"He spoke of the Jews and their revolting crimes. He spoke of the great danger the Jews were to the whole world.

'Without a solution of the Jewish question, No salvation for Mankind!'"

Little Green Footballs

"The way I see it, the War on Terror...'It's Islam, Stooopid!'"
I need to find something for my son that does not rip off the Nazis. Maybe the Internet is a dangerous place for children after all. Oh, here's a nice book on camps.

UPDATE: Thanks LGF Watch!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Remembrance of Videos Past #16: Kiss, "Let's Put the 'X' in 'Sex'"

In 1988, when this video was on heavy rotation on MTV, I was twelve years old and knew very little about sex. After hearing this song, which is about a mystery woman who wants to have a tryst with Paul Stanley without leaving a photo of her face or a phone number (a "screwdunit," as they say in the biz), I felt even more clueless. Besides the confusing though intriguing plot, such non sequiturs as "Love's like a muscle and you make me want to flex" baffled me even further. But after our hero pulls off that "x" power move with his arms enough times, he cracks the case. SPOILER ALERT: The climax is perhaps the most bewildering part. "Then I saw those black lace panties and I knew that it was you?" Are black lace panties hard to come by?

Nowadays I know that mystery sex exists only in KISS videos and Stanley Kubrick movies. But I have no doubt that Paul Stanley and company will know more about sex than I ever will.

(courtesy of myssikay)

The Top 40 Blogs By and For Comedians

Though Dane Cook may be the most popular comedian on MySpace, with over a million friends, he is nowhere to be found in the blogosphere. Indeed, many of the blogs that made the list are written by women and/or Asians, a far cry from the frat party that mainstream stand-up has become. Here are the top 40 blogs on Technorati(at this time) either written by comedians or about comedians.

Can't one just type in "comedian" into Technorati's blog directory and see what the top 40 blogs are for themselves? No; since most of these blogs aren't claimed, they are not tagged with words like "comedian" or "stand-up." Thus important blogs like "Aziz is Bored" or "Gothamist" don't appear in the search.

These blogs came from the following sources:

*Technorati, after I entered "comedian," "stand-up," "stand-up comedy" into the blog directory search engine

* the blogrolls/linklists of The Apiary, The Bastion, A Special Thing, Chicks and Giggles, Drink at Work

* my bookmarks (Gothamist, Apiary, Best Week Ever)

Each of these blogs was entered into Technorati's blog directory. The higher their rank, the higher they were placed on the list.
Technorati ranks blogs by how many inbound links they receive as well as how many other blogs link to them.
I did not include MySpace blogs because, unlike regular blogs, you cannot comment on them unless you are the blogger's friend. Moreover, most MySpace blogs do not have a Technorati rank. Not even Dane Cook's MySpace blog.

Of course there may have been blogs I overlooked. If so, submit them in the comments and I will enter them if they fit the following criteria:

a) they have a Technorati rank of 174,135 or higher
b) they are written either by professional or amateur comedians
c) if they are not written by comedians, they have to at least focus on stand-up.

Since Internet traffic is difficult to track, please understand that the places of the blogs on the list are subject to change and these were the ranks at the time of this writing. Some blogs will fall in rank, some will rise.

Check these blogs out. The ones in the italics are about comedians. The rest are written by comics.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Somebody convinced me to put Gawker on the list , so some of the blogs have moved down a notch. Nevertheless, one of the blogs was removed because it had no connection to comedians or stand-up except for the fact that it was tagged with the word "comedian," so some of you still have the same rank.
1) Gawker (often links to comedians' blogs; Alex Blagg writes for them)
2) Gothamist(has many interviews with comics)
3) Best Week Ever (comedians Michelle Collins and Alex Blagg blog for them and stand-up comics often make guest appearances on the "Best Night Ever" segments)
4) Margaret Cho
5) Drink at Work
6) Bob Powers
7) The Sound of Young America
8) Aziz Ansari
9) Gelf(has many of Keith Huang's interviews with comics)
10) Dead Frog
11) The Apiary
12) Todd Levin
13) Gigglechick
14) Charlie Hatton
15) Liam McEneany
16) Chelsea Peretti
17) Hurty Elbow
18) Jen Dziura
19) Kate Spencer
20) Lang Fisher
21) Jack Kukoda/Carolyn Castiglia
22)Brian Palmer (has many interivews with comedians)
23) Claudia Cogan/Dan Allen
24) Bex Schwartz
25) Chicks and Giggles**
26) Chris Kula/Shecky
27) Brandy Barber
28) Lianne Stokes
29) Jessica Delfino
30) Chris Regan/Susie Felber/The Bastion/Baron Vaughn
31) Sara Alloco
32) Michael Showalter/Best Show on WFMU
33) Will Hines
34) Christian Finnegan
35) Benari Poulten/Rachael Parenta
36) MC Creighton/The Ointment** (often interviews comedians on his Wednesday episodes)
37) Brody Stevens
38) Anthony King/Becky Yamamoto
39) Desiree Burch
40) Giulia Rozzi

** both focus on and are written by stand-up comedians

UPDATE: Gigglechick, Jen is Famous, Carolyn Castiglia,Susie Felber, Benari Poulten, Baron Vaughn, Claudia Cogan, Bex Schwartz, The Sound of Young America, The Bastion, Hurty Elbow and Drink at Work are tops on my list for linking to me. Thanks.


The Top Five Trendiest Alternative Comedians

Trendy Comics Part II

Friday, September 08, 2006

Comix: The Urban Outfitters of Comedy?

Comix is a new comedy club. It seems cool; it has no drink minimum and no bringer shows. Indeed, most alt-comedy fans and comedians bring up pricey drink minimums as their main reason for avoiding comedy clubs.

So how can this idea fuck up? Well, you can see Dave Hill at Comix for twelve smackaroons or see him at his own show at the UCB for five bucks . Beyond ticket prices, I get the sense that they are trying too hard. Their "about" page boasts that they have "the best of cutting edge alternative comedy, improv and sketch comedy." Cutting edge? They might as well say "Hey hipsters, have we got some finger-poppin' boho jesters targeted just for your demographic!"

Comix might turn out to be the Urban Outfitters of comedy, with Rififi being the Salvation Army of stand-up.

Or as Mo'Nique says in her New York Times bestseller Skinny Women Are Evil, "Well, I've got two words to say about that: HELL NO!"

UPDATE (2/6/07): I was 30 when I wrote this. I turned 31 today and take everything back. Truth is I am an idiot. For some reason I thought alternative comedians made money from alternative shows. I didn't know they did it for free. So this club helps comics like Dave Hill and Kristen Schall make money. I am an idiot and Comix rules.

Remembrance of Videos Past #15: The (Fake) Ghostbusters Theme

Twenty years ago to the month, two cartoons debuted: "Ghostbusters" and "The Real Ghostbusters". Up until today I assumed that "The Real Ghostbusters" were the original Ghostbusters. Turns out the latter got the attractive moniker not because they were the originals. The "fake" Ghostbusters were actually based on a live action TV show in the '70's. When the Ivan Reitman film was released, Filmation sued Columbia. Part of the out-of-court settlement was that the cartoon based on the Ivan Reitman film would have the unatrractive moniker "The Real Ghostbusters." As a result, a whole generation thought the original Ghostbusters were fake. Way too after the fact, Filmation's Lou Scheimer admitted "We should have asked for the animation rights for their (Columbia's) Ghostbusters as part of the settlement."

This is when the children of the eighties got their first taste of copyright law and abstract thought. Since the "Ghostbusters" cartoon had that awful, repetitive "let's go Ghostbusters" theme song and not the Ray Parker Jr. classic, we wrongfully assumed that it was ripping off the "real" ghostbusters. The "real" distinction made many young children in the '80's think about what is real and what isn't real, thus ushering in a new era of epistemological thought at the beginning of the formal operational stage.

(courtesy of mummra1983)


(courtesy of DizVanWilder)

Bonus II:

Best country song in TV history

(courtesy of buddysubaru)

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Remembrance of Videos Past #14: Fonz and the Happy Days Gang Theme

Of all the kids' theme songs I have found on YouTube, none are more obscure than this one. I have not seen that time wheel at the beginning and that knight on the horse at 0:44 since 1984.

This isn't really a theme song. It has generic fifties music while Wolfman Jack explains the premise: Fonz and his cronies get stuck in a time machine and want to get back to 1957 Milwaukee. This is of course conveniently coincidental to America's love affair with the Eisenhower era in the '80's. Sure there was a sixties retro craze as well. But between Nancy Reagan appearing on "Diff'rent Strokes" with her hysterical "Just Say No" campaign and Stand By Me (starring future blogger Will Wheaton), most children gravitated towards the fifties retro craze. Many of the Saturday morning commercial jingles were retreads of doo-wop and rockabilly, the most memorable being the Teddy Grahams jingle, a rewrite of Elvis's "Teddy Bear."

This show got cancelled quickly because the gang wasn't stuck in the fifties. Sure no kid would sit there and say "Hey, where are the roller skating waitresses?" But we did watch "Happy Days" and this was waaaaaay too different.

But there's no time: we must enter the time machine.

(courtesy of generic001)

BONUS: Ahh, it's great to be back in 1957 Milwaukee.

(courtesy of Chupathang117)

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Personal Blog Post

Blah blah blah, me me me. Iiiii I I went I ate I dreamed. Fall Out Boy was INSANE!

I tried working with Blogger Beta. Blaze blah, no end. Customer service hell. I think my me is making me juice in a cup.

Me Juice:
1/4 lemon
You know the rest ;)

Me I my girlfriend HEARTS xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Indie rock: Went to see Zombies vs. Aliens show at Maui Tacos-INCREDIBLE! AMAZING!

Waaah! Waah! Orbitz ripped me off!
My mood: defenestrated

What I'm listening to: Zombies vs. Aliens, "High"

Remembrance of Videos Past #13: Pryor's Place Theme

"Despite a reputation for working blue, Richard Pryor briefly hosted a children's show on CBS called Pryor's Place. Like Sesame Street, Pryor's Place featured a cast of puppets, hanging out and having fun in a surprisingly friendly inner city environment along with several children and characters portrayed by Pryor himself. However, Pryor's Place frequently dealt with more sobering issues than the series it so closely resembled. This could be why the show was cancelled shortly after its debut."

One episode of "Pryor's Place" haunted me for life. It was an episode about child abuse. Pryor and his puppet pals warned kids of the dangers of an adult's touch. They were already on thin ice discussing such a grave topic on a Saturday morning puppet show, which could be why they didn't explain what they meant by an "adult's touch." Or maybe they did delve into it deeper and I was too horrified to notice. Regardless, when adults touched me I screamed. To this day I flinch when my mom puts her hand on my shoulder.

Need evidence that Sid and Marty Krofft were tripping the light fantastic? Not only were they involved in this but the only puppets you see in the intro are two tweaked out rats.

But the theme song was Ray Parker Jr.'s last great hit. Oh Richard, when it came to comedy, you were untouchable.

(courtesy ov vhslives2678)

BONUS: You thought that was scary? Try the original Richard Pryor show.

(courtesy of bladerunner78)

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Remembrance of Videos Past #12: Kidd Video Theme

Before I had MTV, I watched different music shows like Friday Night Videos, Wolf Rock TV, American Bandstand, Soul Train, Solid Gold and Kidd Video. "Kidd Video" was many things: a music video showcase; a DIC cartoon; a live-action predecessor to "Saved by the Bell"; a solo performer;a band;a show that got you beat up if you admitted you watched it.

At eight years old, I mainly listened to the solo pop musicians of the time like Madonna, Prince, Michael Jackson and Kidd Video. Even back then I knew Kidd's music was stinky, but he could enter the cartoon dimension. Plus I loved what Kidd stood for: standing up to the cartoon corporate slavemasters. Nowadays, we use Pitchork, mp3 bloggers, Pandora and YouTube to fight the cartoon rock villains of our time. Indeed, the internet is the Flipside and Clear Channel is the modern day Master Blaster.

But keyboards will never be as cool as keytars.

(courtesy of efil)

BONUS: An actual Kidd Video music video that gets its geek on talking about video technology and Kidd's sex appeal courtesy of toolbot (look for the money shot of the keytar at 1:38)

Dane Cook: The Kip Winger of Comedy

I could have chosen any other hair metal guy as an analogue for Dane Cook, but Kip Winger resembles him physically, right down to the stubble. In general, Dane Cook's pirouettes and mugging are downright identical to the ostentatious hair metal guitarists of the '80's.

The hair metal analogy does not stop at Cook's mannerisms. His jokes are pop metal.

Black Sabbath:Van Halen
Andrew Dice Clay:Dane Cook

Andrew Dice Clay, like Black Sabbath, influenced a generation of kids with his creepy, "in-your-face" style. Brett Gelman's Adolph Dice Hitler Clay character is not merely a zany, random mash-up. Dice's concerts really did sound like Nazi rallies and Clay often came off as a hatemonger.

Dane Cook is nowhere near as controversial, but like Dice and all the other shock comics from the comedy boom, his delivery is loud and abrasive. But Cook, like Halen, replaced the bile of his predecessors with riffs on time-honored dude topics like babes and parties.

At some point, Van Halen lost the popularity contest to Nirvana. And from the negative reviews of his HBO shows as well as many fans turning on him after he allegedly stole jokes from Louis CK, there might be a Kurt Cobain of comedy ready to dethrone the current mad king.
Perhaps Demetri Martin, with his recent deals with Dreamworks and Microsoft, will bring alternative comedy to the masses.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Remembrance of Videos Past #11: New Zoo Revue Theme

All week I will feature retro theme songs from relatively obscure childrens' programming of the '70s and '80s.

I rarely watched New Zoo Revue. The reason for this is it came on at the insanely early time of six o'clock. This was the show I would watch when I could not get any sleep. It's not too much of a stretch to imagine Studio 54 socialites watching this after their last bump of cocaine for the day.

I love the bridge to this song. It sounds like the chorus to "Lonesome Cowboy Burt" from The Mothers of Invention.

So enjoy the Moog-powered pep of one of time's forgotten kids' shows.

(courtesy of poobleekoo)

Bonus: here's "Lonesome Cowboy Burt" courtesy of funkykong

Sunday, September 03, 2006

A Guide to Geeks, Nerds, Dorks and Herbs

Yes, there are differences. I never felt the need to distinguish the four categories, but there goes another major publication calling geeks nerds again. With the exception of nerdcore rappers and chiptune musicians, most of the people on the list are geeks. Here are the correct definitions of geek, nerd, dork and herb.


Bottom line: Nerds have incredible scientific, mathematic and/or computer know-how. If somebody read all the works of every Romantic author from Byron to Keats, a nerd will simply say "BFD, pussy." Unless this amateur Romantic scholar knows how to code and made at least one ASCII porn picture in the '90's , he and/or she (we must allow for the statistical improbability of true gonadal hermaphrodites in our hypothetical example) will be ridiculed heavily amongst the nerd elite. The nerd elite? Here are Technorati's top five blogs in the English language :

1) Endgadget
2) Boing Boing
3) Gizmodo
4) Daily Kos
5) Techcrunch

Only one of them (Daily Kos) is not a techie blog. The rest of these bloggers get mad respect from nerds (remember, nerds use hip-hop slang too).

Example of a famous nerd:

Where do you find them in the school cafeteria: Everyone knows lunchtime is playtime, so nerds are mostly trying to pwn each other in Brain Age on the Nintendo DS. That or they got a paid gig modding an Xbox 360 into a bong for some rich stoner, renaming it the Xbox 420.

Overlooked nerd blogs: Because Scientists are Funnier than You Are


Bottom Line: A dork is simply an awkward spaz. Many times dorks think they are cool and hate nerds, but in reality they are unhygienic, unattractive and unkempt. Unlike the other categories, dork is the least exclusive since there are so many reasons people are dorks. Reasons include:

* bad hygiene
* wheezy laugh
* uncombed hair
* weird eyebrows
* spastic gesticulation when talking
* awkwardness in social interactions

Example of a famous dork:

Where don't you find them in the school cafeteria:
The cool kids' table, the stoner table (although stoners often have bad hygiene and unkempt hair, they usually get invited to the cool kids' parties because they will light them up; many stoners are former dorks)

Overlooked Dork Blog: Numa Numa Video Blog, where far too many people try to imitate the awkward dork dancing of Gary Brolsma


Bottom line:
A herb (note: the "h" is not silent) is anyone who does not fit in with the hip-hop community. An athlete or a stud might fit in unless he opens his cornball mouth and says "Raise the roof." More often than not, a person attains herb status when they try to be down. Mad heads would agree that Vanilla Ice is a herb.

Example of a Famous Herb:

(courtesy of msniki)

Where do you find them in the school cafeteria: Making return trips to the cafeteria after all the herb ("h" is silent) they smoked

Overlooked Herb Blog:
Kevin Federline's MySpace blog (no one reads it)



Bottom line: A geek tends to be obsessed with anything except sports, fashion or modern pop music. Popular geek obsessions include comic books, science fiction shows, indie rock, video games and movies. Many of the "avant-nerds" are really examples of geek chic.

Example of a famous geek:

Seth Cohen from "The OC"

Where do you find them in the school cafeteria: Blogging on their laptops.

Overlooked geek blog: You're reading it now.