Monday, February 02, 2009

Hey Burger King...

Look, I love your foodstuffs. It's obvious from this picture. But must you go out of your way to try to be edgy? You're like the MILF that plays Nickelback in the sack because you think all the young dudes like that kind of postgrunge ballyhoo.

Let me take you on a stroll down memory lane-

Subservient Chicken: It's like a porno webcam, except it's a man in a chicken suit. Har-har d'ourves. The chicken does whatever you type in the message box. I typed "Run away from the factory farm and die."

Sean John Bags:

A few years ago the Burger Monarch asked Puff Daddy AKA Sean John to design their paper bags.

"Hey Diddles, we got a real sitch here. No matter how beautiful we make these bags, people wanna throw them out."

"You called the right one, fam. I am the master of disposable waste."

Whopper Virgins:

In one of their latest ad campaigns, foreigners from fourth world countries are given Whoppers for the first time. These novices to flame broiled greatness are called Whopper Virgins. Is it because of the ensuing flow of tears tinged with a bottomless sense of regret?

Angry Whopper:

Most comedians stop at three. I go beyond what is asked of me in the line of fire. Now there's this Angry Whopper pablum. That's right America, eat your emotions. This whopper comes with Angry Sauce. Angry Sauce. You know, because at the end of a drunken bender, there's nothing I want more than for a Whopper to hatefuck my mouth. [no image available]



H. Alan Scott said...

when i was a kid my mom would take me to burger king for a burger, mcdonalds for fries and wendy's for a frosty. i've been struggling with my weight ever since.

Mo Diggs said...

If you're struggling I've succumbed

Jerell said...

Would you say Burger King is alt-rock to McDonald's R&B smothered in Mcrib sauce?

Mo Diggs said...

Burger King is Hinder to McDonalds' Daniel Johnston

Jon Clarke said...

It's a well known fact that Burger King regularly dumps its ad agency. Most of these campaigns were made of desperation by agencies that didn't want to get fired.

Then they got fired.

Mo Diggs said...

You mean to tell me Burger King is the MAN?!

Pedro said...


Mo Diggs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.