Monday, September 21, 2009

The All-Purpose Alterna-Hack Joke

It's no secret the industry has its eye on alt-comedy now. So why be yourself? Just get yourself on the display rack at Urban Outfitters on the cover of Paste magazine with The All-Purpose Alterna-Hack Joke and you will be elbow-patch deep in alterna-snatch and drink tickets! [Ed. note: if you think I'm making fun of you in this blog post I probably am you soulless, opportunistic clone]Pay close attention to the key words in bold-I swear to your pagan warlike god these words automatically get laughs from trust-fund brats in faux-dives without fail.

So I was riding my unicorn when I saw a pirate fighting a ninja. The fight was refereed by a robot listening to Nickelback with an Ed Hardy t-shirt. I dropped my Dunston Checks In DVD and felt like my soul got raped. Am I right? I was being ironic with that last question.


Ed Murray said...

What?! No midgets?!

C'MOOOOON... hey, how about the death of that guy playing the Joker in the Batman movie, huh? What? Jack Nicholson is dead?! Ha! Not that one, you thought I meant the Tim Burton one, but I was post-referencing a different pre-ironic hack slam!

Hey, is this thing on?

HA! Gotcha again, it isn't even plugged in, you pre-post-modern punks!

...solid gold, baby?

Mo Diggs said...

Roxy Music Rainbow Brite!

Abbi Crutchfield said...

Dead Babies. Alan Thicke. My Grandma's involvement in my functional childhood. Whatever. (I'm wearing a hooded sweatshirt)

Abbi Crutchfield said...

AND COCAINE! Whatever.

Abbi Crutchfield said...

I didn't move my arms once during that whole set.

Mo Diggs said...

And I am smug and distant with no emotions.