Thursday, May 31, 2007

Bullshit/Bulltrue: Hipsterati edition

I made a new game called Bullshit/Bulltrue. It's like Blufr except it's less addictive. Simply guess if the "fun fact" is true and click on the link to see if you are right.

I gave a shout out to a black porn site when Time Out New York interviewed me.

Bullshit or bulltrue?

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

World Cinema: Greek Disco

Leave it to the Greeks to put on an epic disco. Get ready for the face that launched a thousand hips. Enjoy some Greco-bonin culture. Gyro boogie!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Summer Movie Preview

Check out the summer comedy preview I wrote up for The Apiary. This looks particularly interesting:

Wedding Daze - August 17
Isla Fisher makes her second summer comedy appearance; joining her is Jason Biggs. This is the first feature written and directed by Michael Ian Black.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Doug Benson on LCS

I usually watch Last Comic Standing as a guilty pleasure but here are the top ten according to Shecky (via AST):
Gerry Dee
Deb DiGiovanni
Amy Schumer
Jon Reep
Ralph Harris
Matt Kirshen
Doug Benson
Lavelle Crawford
Gina Yashere

Benson was also on last year but he was in the online competition. Congrats Mr. Benson. Here's a sample of his work from the High Times Comedy Show.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Lost vs. 24

Round one: Lost
Round two (season finales): Oh my god Lost you killed 24. Keep it down? you sick fuck you want me to keep down that you shredded, incinerated and slapped Jack Bauer's flesh ashes? No I'm telling the cops. Wait, what do you mean you'll see me in January? Hello? Since when did you drive a van?

Monday, May 21, 2007

The Worst Song In Recorded History

Yeah '90s pop was great. You didn't have to sift through music blogs to get celestially great music; just turn on the radio on any given day in 1997 and you could hear Radiohead, Beck, Wu Tang. But the '90s pop landscape was also abysmal in kind. Gut wrenchingly awful. We might gripe about the top 100 now, but let us be grateful that there are not so many cheery, tepid, vanilla, Friends-soundtrack-ready breezy rock bands like Third Eye Blind or Hootie on the airwaves. This was the worst of that genre, even though it came out in 2000. Have a miserable Monday! Don't forget to show this video to the lady in accounts payable. She'll absolutely love it...when she smiles.

Bullshit/Bulltrue: Opal Gunderson, Guitar Virtuoso

I made a new game called Bullshit/Bulltrue. It's like Blufr except it's less addictive. Simply guess if the "fun fact" is true and click on the link to see if you are right.

There was a punk rocker in the '70s with a cult following named Opal Gunderson who, during one concert, got stabbed in the hand and kept playing his bottleneck guitar using the knife jutting out from the palm of his bleeding hand as a guitar pick. Fans appreciated the abrasive, atonal music (even though he cut all the strings after one song and the show [at a bowling alley] ended early) but he was too obscure, as he was part of the very small Eastern Long Island Montauk Point yacht and clipper ship punk scene of the late '70s.

Bullshit or bulltrue?

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Remembrance of Videos Past #45: Barbara Jean, Lily Tomlin and Gospel Choir, "It Don't Worry Me"

It don't worry me.

Mundane Fucked Up Dream Journal: Jennifer Aniston Film

After watching The Science of Sleep on DVD, I marveled at how much surrealism my dreams lacked. In this column I hope to reach out to people with similarly ordinary dreams. Dude this dream is all like wooooooah!

Manifest content: I had a dream that I was watching a film trailer with Jennifer Aniston in this movie where she pouts a lot while We Five (playing on my iPod alarm clock at the time) is playing in the background. She particularly pouts a lot when she sees this black-haired gentleman. At the the end of the trailer she dies her hair platinum blond and so does he. The rest of the film is about a game of one-upmanship to see whose hair can be more yellow.

Latent content: I like the taste of pan-seared shit with snow cap peas.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Thursday, May 10, 2007

In The Future Everything Will Play Music

We thought we would be able to talk to computers about love in the 21 century. Now in the 21st century we use computers to download music.

We expected to see who we were talking to on the phone in the 21st century. Now in 21 century we listen to music on cell phones.

Man oh man do we love music. In the future everything will play music

We may see a future with mutants and space travel but it will be nothing like we expected.

"Hey man I'm gonna go to lunar colonies of Titan to watch Nightcrawler wail away on his throbbing musical phallus."

Even the war games of the future will have music

"The Chinese have the nuclear football."
"So? All nations have nuclear weapons in the 22nd century."
"No no; this nuclear football plays an endless loop of Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music at 800 decibels."
"Oh my God! Oh my pagan God!"

World Cinema: Turkish Wizard of Oz

I am 1/4 Turkish so I can say without a shred of PC guilt that Turkish versions of American movies are fucking ridiculous. There's always a huger version of the American counterparts. Turkish Spider Man had a beer gut. In this acraptation of the Wizard of Oz both Dorothy and the dog are larger.

Things to look for:

* Dorothy lives not in a farmhouse but in an apartment with yellow walls

* Scarecrow has no fingers and seems very flamboyant

* Instead of a looming green head projected on a screen Oz is a skull

Monday, May 07, 2007


I made a new game called Bullshit/Bulltrue. It's like Blufr except it's less addicting. Simply guess if the news item is true and click on the link to see if you are right.

The Black Crowes are coming out with their own salad dressing. Called "Hot to Handle," the dressing will feature 420 herbs. None of them will be marijuana, but there is hemp in the dressing.

If Shit Were A Beer

It would be spelled Schitt

Zen Jokewriting Journal

Okay here comes some funny shit. My car is starting to smell like feet. Sweaty, athletic feet. Love the mixture of disgust and admiration in that. I am typing on my laptop while laying down. I never mind. My arm is tired and baseball season has nothing to do with it. I wonder if instead of a tooth fairy there's a fairy who pours maple syrup on your neck. Grime rapper Dizzee Rascal belongs to the future. He's like a villain in a Frank Miller graphic novel. Mo money mo problems. Every time I tell myself to breathe deep I hear that shitty Anna Nalick song. Subsequently I hold my breath and try to think of something else. Does a vampire ice cream shop serve blood syrup. Nevermind; fairy department.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Remembrance of Videos Past #44; Izzy Stradlin, "Shuffle it All"

So that's what Keith Richards looks like with skin. Yes the rhythm guitarist for Guns and Roses left the band and went solo. Not Slash, Izzy the rhythm guitarist. Man could he keep a good rhythm. All I remember about this video is looking at it behind my issue of Circus reading abut the next GN'R album. The new albums kept being called fake names in Circus magazine. Before Use Your Illusion I and II were the titles, the two albums had names like Pickled Lemons I and II and Islamic Democracy.

Peter Parker At The Daily Bugle Staff Meeting

Jonah Jameson: As you may have heard, Jordin Sparks performed at a right to life concert. Did you get in contact with the Arizona Right to Life people yet?

Mary Jane: Yeah I just need artwork (glances at Peter Parker)

Peter Parker: Sorry, I've just been following the Oscorp softball playoffs.

(whispers)We talked about this Peter...

You've been following a company softball game? While those Gothamist fucktards have been covering Braunstein you've been sniffing out Oscorp press releases like a customs dog in Pablo Escobar's asshole?

To be fair Peter's all over the Spiderman premiere.

Please Mary I can defend myself.

Do you know how close I am to having my fist hit the desk?

Um, well is anyone gonna cover the Tribeca Film Festival fiasco?

Now that's a pitch. I want you to call the DA's office...

For a film festival?

I just realized Oscorp owns Sony, which is releasing the Spiderman movie.

On second thought let me leave my fist here, perfectly aligned with your revoltingly chiseled face.

Wow I'm famished. Let's fax an order to Panera.

They're gonna have free turkey dogs at the softball game...

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Apiary Column

Read my apiary column

Oh and wish the Apiary a happy birthday while you're there. It's never too late...actually it is too late. An hour and twenty-five minutes too late.