Check This Wacky Stuff Out

Josh Filpowski



Whip It Out Comedy

The Perfect Girl - Watch more free videos

Jack McBrayer's Drug Tips

The only thing wrong with this video: you can't vote "funny."

I Now Pronouunce You Adam And Andy...

Wikipedia Articles Edited By The CIA

Has Reddit been drinking the Kool Aid or popping the blue pills? The front page had this article on the CIA editing Wikepdia articles. Here are some of the most notorious examples:


John F. Kennedy Assassination
Kennedy was downed in November 1963 by a bullet that fell out of an oil magnate's hamburger. Lee Harvey Oswald loved eating toy bullets in his hamburgers. He would joke with his friends saying he was going to "bite the bullet." That fateful day though, the chayenne pepper and Oswald's saliva combined to create gunpowder, propelling the bullet to Kennedy's head.

See magic bullet

Crack In Ghetto
Contrary to pernicious urban myths, crack was not disseminated in the ghetto by the CIA. Most historians believe crack cocaine originated during a hip-hop DJ's set in the South Bronx. A turntablist was cutting cocaine on his turntable when an AIDS monkey's blood spilled from the eaves of a duplex behind him. The blood fell on the powdered cocaine and began to congeal, hardening the cocaine. A baking soda truck then flipped over, dumping the cargo onto the fateful turntable. Thus prototypical crack was born. The DJ, Crack La Rock, distributed crack at rap concerts.

Jack Bauer



Jack Bauer is a rogue agent who must be stopped. I'll cut that trifling bitch!

Things You Can Do If Your Two-Year Old Pit Bull Is Violent

If I had my druthers, pit bulls would be tough but sweet, like sexy blaxploitation mothers. As it were, pit bulls can be unruly and mean. Either way, they don't have to be burnt to death to be punished. From what I understand, dogs aren't only susceptible to flames. Bullets and rotten chuck meat will suffice. Here are some pointers for punishing Pointer without a single drop of kerosene.

Burn yourself
Just think -- you can die violently, just like you lived.

Build A Bull Out Of Ice Cream And Have A Fake Pamplona Run That will confuse the pooch.

Play It Some Lisa Lisa And Cult Jam
OK I took it too far. Goodnight.

Passive-Aggressive Copy Editor Replies To Jokes E-Mailed To Her

Blonde JokeTwo blondes MALE? FEMALE? had driven across the country to see Disney World DISNEY WORLD IS BIG; WHERE IN DISNEY WORLD? EPCOT? MAGIC KINGDOM? PLEASURE ISLAND? in Florida.WHEN? WHAT CITY IN FLORIDA???

As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!"REALLY??? WOULDN'T THAT LEAD THEM TO ONCOMING TRAFFIC? WHAT HIGHWAY IS THIS???

After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde BLONDE DRIVER YOU MEAN?? said "Oh well!" CURLY QUOTES and started driving back home.WHY DIDN'T SHE MAKE TWO LEFTS AND A RIGHT AFTER GETTING OFF THE EXIT RAMP? YOU NEED TO ASK THESE QUESTIONS

Sex Joke

A beautiful, voluptuous woman NAME? AGE?went to a
gynecologist.

The doctor took one look at this woman and all his
professionalism went out the window.ALLEGEDLY
He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the
doctor began to stroke
her thigh.ACCORDING TO THE INDICTMENT, RIGHT? Doing
so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she WHY NO NAME? DID THE POLICE NOT DISCLOSE THE
VICTIM'S NAME? IF SO YOU NEED
TO MENTION THIS. replied, "you're checking for any
abrasions WHAT KIND? CORNEAL?
or dermatological abnormalities." "That is right," said
the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do
you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or
breast cancer." "Correct," replied the shady doctorPLEASE
REMAIN OBJECTIVE IN YOUR
REPORTING.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual
intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm
doing now?"
"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; NO SEMICOLON
which is
why I came
here in the first place." WHAT? NO QUOTES FROM THE
DOCTOR'S ATTORNEY? 

Bar Joke

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, NO COMMA when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger. She gasped and gagged, TRY A RIGHT-BRANCHING SENTENCE HERE and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm a gonna go over there and help."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his bigWEAK TRY BROBDIGNAGIAN, TexanGEE IS HE TEXAN hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?" Gasping, she shook her head no.NO IS REDUNDANT; SHAKING YOUR HEAD MEANS NO IN THIS CULTURE
He asked, "Kin ya breathe (SIC GOTTA SAY SIC) ?" Still gasping, she again shook her head no. With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt.LICKED HER BUTT; PLEASE AVOID UNNECESSARY PREPOSITIONS The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own.
The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick manoeuvreHEIMLICH FOR FUCK'S SAKE HEIMLICH YOU IGNORANT FUCKTARD PLEASE CUT MY LAWN OR SERVE MY CHECKER'S CHILI DOG OR WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS YOU DO YOU MISERABBLE WASTE OF HUMAN TISSUE/STET always works."

Zombie Steve For President?

Real Poets Go On Match Game '75

Lucas Held Is Funny Silly

Shsrper Image Founder Awakens,...,ahh, he says it funnier,...,

Potential Seinfeld Scandals

First Kramer gives a racist rant.

Then Jerry tells a creepy rape joke.

Guess birds of a feather rape bees with forks up their asses together.




Here are some other potential scandals that are bound to put Seinfeld in a negative light:

George Costanza calls for genocide on tall people, or a tall-ocaust.

Elaine pushes Cubans off a raft, screaming "Get out!"

Newman mails "anthrax" to the cast of Thank God You're Here as a prank

The Soup Nazi stops serving matzo ball soup -- and Jews.

Babu is seen pouring hot nacho cheese on Malaysian servants.

J. Peterman bounces a check.

Speaking of Summer Comedy Films...

Whip It Out



College Humor

Summer Comedy Trailer Music

You know how trailers for summer film comedies seem to have that one ubiquitous song? I predict that song will be OK Go's "Here It Goes Again."



dadadadadadadadada
"Meet Chad Buchman"
DADA-DA-DA-DA-DA
"Never made it with the ladies"dadadadadadadada
"But now he is a mongoose cop"
DADA-DADA-DA-DADA-DA-DA

(record scratch) Jessica Alba: "Where's my girdle?"

Buchman: "Gulp."

"Uh here it goes here it goes..."
Jon Reep. Jessica Alba. Mongoose Patrol.
DAAAAAAA!

Here's a list of ubiquitous summer comedy trailer anthems from summers past:

Smash Mouth, "Can't Get Enough of You Baby"
Third Eye Blind, "Semi-Charmed Life"
Pussycat Dolls, "Don'cha"
House of Pain, "Jump Around"

Add any anthems I missed in the comments.

Google Maps Extreme Street View

Fucking brilliant video from Sean Crespo poking fun at Google Maps. By "poking" I mean "I'm glad he doesn't have a rectal prolapse."

Maxim's Review of Dane Cook's Performance in Mr. Brooks

Maxim is one of the few publications to give a positive review of Mr. Brooks. Haven't read the review yet but here's how I imagine it would read.




Bro, Dane Cook's performance bros the competition's out of the water. Dane Cook is full of bro-vado. I got paid to review this film but I'm gonna keep spending money until I'm bro-ke. Bro bro-ke. Cook has worked his ass off - he's paid his dudes. He's just one circle jerk and paddle whack away from bro'in up and becoming a movie star. I hear he likes bromide. No the band the Bro Bremmels. That's it. Anyway, he's overdude for an Oscar. Bro-vo Dane Cook, Bro-vo. Hey they should call it Mr. Cooks. Wait even better: Mr. Bro-ooks. Bro dude Axe Body Spray Hootie.

Drink At Work Vlogs

I would try to bring the funny myself but dammit I just got over a scratch on my fucking cornea. So let me outsource the giggles to Carol and Sean from Drink at Work, who are both vlogging on NBC's DotComedy.

Doug Benson on LCS

I usually watch Last Comic Standing as a guilty pleasure but here are the top ten according to Shecky (via AST):
Gerry Dee
Deb DiGiovanni
Amy Schumer
Dante
Jon Reep
Ralph Harris
Matt Kirshen
Doug Benson
Lavelle Crawford
Gina Yashere

Benson was also on last year but he was in the online competition. Congrats Mr. Benson. Here's a sample of his work from the High Times Comedy Show.

Lost vs. 24

Round one: Lost
Round two (season finales): Oh my god Lost you killed 24. Keep it down? you sick fuck you want me to keep down that you shredded, incinerated and slapped Jack Bauer's flesh ashes? No I'm telling the cops. Wait, what do you mean you'll see me in January? Hello? Since when did you drive a van?

In The Future Everything Will Play Music

We thought we would be able to talk to computers about love in the 21 century. Now in the 21st century we use computers to download music.

We expected to see who we were talking to on the phone in the 21st century. Now in 21 century we listen to music on cell phones.




Man oh man do we love music. In the future everything will play music

We may see a future with mutants and space travel but it will be nothing like we expected.

"Hey man I'm gonna go to lunar colonies of Titan to watch Nightcrawler wail away on his throbbing musical phallus."

Even the war games of the future will have music

"The Chinese have the nuclear football."
"So? All nations have nuclear weapons in the 22nd century."
"No no; this nuclear football plays an endless loop of Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music at 800 decibels."
"Oh my God! Oh my pagan God!"

Funny

Because

O My Gawd I Got To See Disturbia

It just looks good. Like I love that title Disturbia. It sounds like how I imagine it would feel like if you were Richard Gere kissing a Bollywood starlet with a crazed fat gerbil jammed in your coin slot. And that name: Shia LeBouf. Now when I'm on the eastbound expressway and some douche drop cuts me off I scream "SHIA LEBOUF" instead of screaming "SHIT" or "Mike Hammer." Then I leave myself a voicemail in which I whisper "Disturbia" over and over again and smile. Oh and anyone who prefers "Rear Window" is a film school faggot.

This preview has been approved for everybody but film school faggots.