The abhorrent Last Comic Standing may be a divining rod that taps into all that comedy fans and comedians despise about mainstream comedy, but some decent comedians made it to the next round in last week's episode: Arj Barker;
Amy Schumer; Joe DeVito.
Unfortunately, LCS also makes good comics look dumb. Matt Skkye was shown doing some kind of bobcat beatbox...
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Monday, April 30, 2007
O My Gawd I Got To See Disturbia
It just looks good. Like I love that title Disturbia. It sounds like how I imagine it would feel like if you were Richard Gere kissing a Bollywood starlet with a crazed fat gerbil jammed in your coin slot. And that name: Shia LeBouf. Now when I'm on the eastbound expressway and some douche drop cuts me off I scream "SHIA LEBOUF" instead of screaming "SHIT" or "Mike Hammer." Then I leave myself a voicemail in which I whisper "Disturbia" over and over again and smile. Oh and anyone who prefers "Rear Window" is a film school faggot.
This preview has been approved for everybody but film school faggots.
Monday, April 23, 2007
O.K. : The Movie
Reading the origin story about the expression "O.K." inspired me to pitch a movie about it (I didn't mean to make fun of you for being rich). "O.K." stands for "oll korrect" and was used as a rallying cry in Martin Van Buren's campaign as well as a corrupt Tammany Hall. So I guess political corruption is O.K. after all.
I'm not sure who would star but John C. Reilly would have to be in the film.
Oskar Kontender
Though I sincerely think an interesting short film could be made about the etymology, I really want to see the reviews:
O.K. is more than O.K.; it's an "owesome klassic."
O.K. is a K.O.
O.Kaaaaaaaay.
I'm not sure who would star but John C. Reilly would have to be in the film.
Though I sincerely think an interesting short film could be made about the etymology, I really want to see the reviews:
O.K. is more than O.K.; it's an "owesome klassic."
O.K. is a K.O.
O.Kaaaaaaaay.
Friday, April 20, 2007
Jessica Alba: Comedy Nerd Cocktease
Alt comedy nerds love that she's gracing "The Ten" with her lovely, pan-ethnic presence.
Dane Cook fanboys daydream about Alba sucking their magical sex scepter so she can find Mr. Right.
Who's it gonna be: Paul Rudd or Dane Cook? Those who saw "Wet Hot American Summer" know the answer.
Dane Cook fanboys daydream about Alba sucking their magical sex scepter so she can find Mr. Right.
Who's it gonna be: Paul Rudd or Dane Cook? Those who saw "Wet Hot American Summer" know the answer.
Friday, March 16, 2007
TV Set Trailer
A film starring David Duchovny about making a sitcom that, as a behind-the-scenes look at comedy, looks less somber that "Studio 60." What are your thoughts?
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Hollywood Heckler: Cracked Lists 5 Worst Comedies of All Time
Hollywood Heckler is a new column in which I berate unfunny films.
Cracked Magazine named the five worst comedies. Their list is pretty bad but I have my own list that puts that list - or itself, rather - to shame.
5) Big Trouble The only Tim Allen film I've had the misfortune of seeing, Big Trouble is based on a Dave Barry book. That's the first problem; it's based on a book written by the comedic equivalent of Jimmy Buffet. OK fine, I've never read Dave Barry. Nor do I want to. My stepdad read the book and saw this Barry Sonnenfeld monstrosity (Sonnenfeld also helmed Wild Wild West, Patton Oswalt's pick for worst film) and he found both of them funny.
4) Scary Movie 4 The Scary Movies got less funny with each installment. This is the latest one. The Zuckers at this stage in their careers were right-wing hacks not the deconstructionist wizards they were during the heyday of Airplane.
3) Employee of the Month As much as I find Carlos Mencia annoying, at least he has the good sense to stay away from feature films. Employee of the Month has one of the worst premises in Hollywood history: what if Jessica Simpson had big ears?
2) Nothing But Trouble Though one might assume I like Biggie more than Tupac because I am a New Yorker, the real reason is that Tupac was in this Dan Akroyd-penned monstrosity. If you look at Chevy Chase's "career" on IMDB, you'll see that prior to this, he had Christmas Vacation, his last big hit. This was the first nucleotide in the repeating DNA sequence of shit that has become Chevy Chase's career.
1) Loose Cannons A movie about a vice cop and a detective searching for a pornographic Nazi film is not a bad idea. Now Dan Akroyd and Dom Deluise on the same screen, that's a recipe for celluloid cyanide.
Cracked Magazine named the five worst comedies. Their list is pretty bad but I have my own list that puts that list - or itself, rather - to shame.
5) Big Trouble The only Tim Allen film I've had the misfortune of seeing, Big Trouble is based on a Dave Barry book. That's the first problem; it's based on a book written by the comedic equivalent of Jimmy Buffet. OK fine, I've never read Dave Barry. Nor do I want to. My stepdad read the book and saw this Barry Sonnenfeld monstrosity (Sonnenfeld also helmed Wild Wild West, Patton Oswalt's pick for worst film) and he found both of them funny.
4) Scary Movie 4 The Scary Movies got less funny with each installment. This is the latest one. The Zuckers at this stage in their careers were right-wing hacks not the deconstructionist wizards they were during the heyday of Airplane.
3) Employee of the Month As much as I find Carlos Mencia annoying, at least he has the good sense to stay away from feature films. Employee of the Month has one of the worst premises in Hollywood history: what if Jessica Simpson had big ears?
2) Nothing But Trouble Though one might assume I like Biggie more than Tupac because I am a New Yorker, the real reason is that Tupac was in this Dan Akroyd-penned monstrosity. If you look at Chevy Chase's "career" on IMDB, you'll see that prior to this, he had Christmas Vacation, his last big hit. This was the first nucleotide in the repeating DNA sequence of shit that has become Chevy Chase's career. 
1) Loose Cannons A movie about a vice cop and a detective searching for a pornographic Nazi film is not a bad idea. Now Dan Akroyd and Dom Deluise on the same screen, that's a recipe for celluloid cyanide.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Is Hollywood's Comedic Timing Off? (Slight Return)
Is Hollywood's Comedic Timing Off?
Lets check in with Steve Bryant of The Hollywood Reporter:
Just consider for a moment why "Borat" is passe. We've already had our fun with him online. We've mashed him up, linked to him and blogged about the movie. The cultural "moment" has passed. What can we do with that DVD that we haven't already done?
Since "Borat's" theatrical release, we've been entertained/ enraptured by "Saturday Night Live's" "Dick in a Box," the parody "My Box in a Box," Britney Spears shaving her hair off and the death of Anna Nicole Smith. We watched it online in our cubicles.
Though I agree with his comparison of the Web's "constant media" to Hollywood's "occasional media," I am surprised he neglected TV. TV is a happy medium (no pun intended). For most of the year you get constant media with new episodes of "The Office" every week. But in the summer, we take a break from Mike and Dwight until the fall when the whole web eagerly awaits another season. I think "The Office" brings more people together than "Dick in a Box" (itself a product of NBC).
Either way, Hollywood's comedic timing does seem off. Why wouldn't it be? Comedy is all about being in the moment. Even television allows for that (like Mike O'Connell on Jimmy Kimmel).
Hollywood is about taking the moment and hammering it into a standard theatrical narrative. Even Borat has a plot. Let's say there's a sketch about Cell Phone Girls. Here are the YouTube, TV and Hollywood versions:
YouTube
Teenage Girl 1: (ringtone goes off playing "Laffy Taffy") AAAAHHHH! I love my cell phone! I love D4L!
Teenage Girl 2: AAAAAH! I know! Tee hee! Pick it up!
T1: No, I want to let it ring a little longer!
T2: I know! Mook B is soooo fine!
T1: (picks up) Hi dad.
TV
Teenage Girl 1: (ringtone goes off playing "Laffy Taffy") AAAAHHHH! I love my cell phone! I love D4L!
Teenage Girl 2: AAAAAH! I know! Tee hee! Pick it up!
Normal Friend: Why do you girls get excited when people call you?
Teenage girl 2: Because we love D4L you prude! You're just jealous cuz no one calls you.
Teenage girl 1: (picks up) Hello?
Normal friend: (blasts Black Sabbath's "War Pigs" into phone with Teenage Girl #1 on other line)
Hollywood
Teenage girl 2: No wonder Brad likes Teenage girl #1 better; she just won the dance-off against Valley Prep. (phone rings on vibrate) Hello? Brad? Look behind me? What are you doing here Brad? Oh my god, you remembered that I love pink jewel encrusted Razor phones that play "Laffy Taffy" by D4L? Lemme try out my new ringtone...AAA-(Brad swoops in for kiss)- AAAAH! I love you Mook B!
Just consider for a moment why "Borat" is passe. We've already had our fun with him online. We've mashed him up, linked to him and blogged about the movie. The cultural "moment" has passed. What can we do with that DVD that we haven't already done?
Since "Borat's" theatrical release, we've been entertained/ enraptured by "Saturday Night Live's" "Dick in a Box," the parody "My Box in a Box," Britney Spears shaving her hair off and the death of Anna Nicole Smith. We watched it online in our cubicles.
Though I agree with his comparison of the Web's "constant media" to Hollywood's "occasional media," I am surprised he neglected TV. TV is a happy medium (no pun intended). For most of the year you get constant media with new episodes of "The Office" every week. But in the summer, we take a break from Mike and Dwight until the fall when the whole web eagerly awaits another season. I think "The Office" brings more people together than "Dick in a Box" (itself a product of NBC).
Either way, Hollywood's comedic timing does seem off. Why wouldn't it be? Comedy is all about being in the moment. Even television allows for that (like Mike O'Connell on Jimmy Kimmel).
Hollywood is about taking the moment and hammering it into a standard theatrical narrative. Even Borat has a plot. Let's say there's a sketch about Cell Phone Girls. Here are the YouTube, TV and Hollywood versions:
Teenage Girl 1: (ringtone goes off playing "Laffy Taffy") AAAAHHHH! I love my cell phone! I love D4L!
Teenage Girl 2: AAAAAH! I know! Tee hee! Pick it up!
T1: No, I want to let it ring a little longer!
T2: I know! Mook B is soooo fine!
T1: (picks up) Hi dad.
Teenage Girl 1: (ringtone goes off playing "Laffy Taffy") AAAAHHHH! I love my cell phone! I love D4L!
Teenage Girl 2: AAAAAH! I know! Tee hee! Pick it up!
Normal Friend: Why do you girls get excited when people call you?
Teenage girl 2: Because we love D4L you prude! You're just jealous cuz no one calls you.
Teenage girl 1: (picks up) Hello?
Normal friend: (blasts Black Sabbath's "War Pigs" into phone with Teenage Girl #1 on other line)
Teenage girl 2: No wonder Brad likes Teenage girl #1 better; she just won the dance-off against Valley Prep. (phone rings on vibrate) Hello? Brad? Look behind me? What are you doing here Brad? Oh my god, you remembered that I love pink jewel encrusted Razor phones that play "Laffy Taffy" by D4L? Lemme try out my new ringtone...AAA-(Brad swoops in for kiss)- AAAAH! I love you Mook B!
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Nothing Funny About Comedy: Funny Films are Starting to Fizzle
This section is where I give serious essays on comedy.
Comedy Central will begin to broadcast its web shorts on television in a late-night series called "Web Shows." Between the success of "The Office" on iTunes, TBS's Super Deluxe and this, television is adapting very well to the Web revolution. How are comedy films doing?
In the LA Times, Neal Gabler writes:
Today, movies just don't seem to matter in the same way — not to the general public and not to the high culture either, where a Pauline Kael review in the New Yorker could once ignite an intellectual firestorm. There aren't any firestorms now, and there is no director who seems to have his finger on the national pulse the way that Steven Spielberg or George Lucas did in the 1970s and 1980s. People don't talk about movies the way they once did. It would seem absurd to say, as Kael once did, that she knew whether she would like someone by the films he or she liked. Once at the center, movies increasingly sit on the cultural margins.
This is definitely true about comedic cinema. Last week's box office sent a very strange message to film comedians: straight-up comedies like Reno 911!: Miami will place at #4 whereas horror movies with a (typically) comedic lead will have the highest debut of the week.
The lack of buzz is even more obvious when we look at last year's domestic grosses: the highest-ranked adult live-action comedy was Talladega Nights at number 12. Funny as it was, it did not crack the top ten and, compared to the watercooler buzz over Crying Wrestling Fan or even the latest episode of "The Office," Talladega Nights provoked less idle chatter. The most buzzed-about comedy of last year - Borat - was surpassed only by its own guerilla promotional campaign, which was far more interesting than the film itself (no scene in Borat will top his march to the White House gates to speak to the President of Kazakhstan - a publicity stunt that was all over the Web).
So how can Hollywood catch up? By going digital. As someone who aspired to be a motion picture director from 1997 to 2002, I certainly agree that film is the most beautiful visual medium available. But if the '70s was the "Me Decade," this is the "Me, Myself and I" decade, with more and more brats uploading their own comedic shows and sketches onto YouTube. If Hollywood were to go digital, some interesting scenarios might open up.
Let's say a movie house has a theater open from 12 AM to 1:30 AM for an amateur comedy (an Olde English film, say) that has gotten the most buzz at a Channel 101-style contest (one for amateur movies instead of shows). One theater might mean nothing, but what if it's the UA theater in Union Square and all the bloggers are buzzing about it? It might not go into wide release, but limited release would be a possibility. Considering the budget for a cheap digital film, the movie could be very profitable for the filmakers, the theaters and the distribution companies. After the successful digital indie debut, perhaps Olde English could ink a deal with Warner Brothers and make a more professional studio film. This would be one way that film and web could have better synergy.
This scenario has a factor that was vital to Hollywood fifty years ago and is all but dead in Tinseltown today: word of mouth. There was a time when a Pauline Kael review would have people talking. The promotional blitz has replaced word of mouth. The other day, I encountered a talking Norbit ad at the Parkside men's room. One more Pabst Blue Ribbon and I would have ripped it off the wall and thrown in the toilet (there's a time and a place to hear Eddie Murphy sing a Pussycat Dolls song).
Studios fear that switching from film to digital will make piracy easier. Parodoxically, piracy should be the least of Hollywood's worries. At least piracy indicates that people still want to watch movies.
Comedy Central will begin to broadcast its web shorts on television in a late-night series called "Web Shows." Between the success of "The Office" on iTunes, TBS's Super Deluxe and this, television is adapting very well to the Web revolution. How are comedy films doing?
In the LA Times, Neal Gabler writes:
Today, movies just don't seem to matter in the same way — not to the general public and not to the high culture either, where a Pauline Kael review in the New Yorker could once ignite an intellectual firestorm. There aren't any firestorms now, and there is no director who seems to have his finger on the national pulse the way that Steven Spielberg or George Lucas did in the 1970s and 1980s. People don't talk about movies the way they once did. It would seem absurd to say, as Kael once did, that she knew whether she would like someone by the films he or she liked. Once at the center, movies increasingly sit on the cultural margins.
This is definitely true about comedic cinema. Last week's box office sent a very strange message to film comedians: straight-up comedies like Reno 911!: Miami will place at #4 whereas horror movies with a (typically) comedic lead will have the highest debut of the week.
The lack of buzz is even more obvious when we look at last year's domestic grosses: the highest-ranked adult live-action comedy was Talladega Nights at number 12. Funny as it was, it did not crack the top ten and, compared to the watercooler buzz over Crying Wrestling Fan or even the latest episode of "The Office," Talladega Nights provoked less idle chatter. The most buzzed-about comedy of last year - Borat - was surpassed only by its own guerilla promotional campaign, which was far more interesting than the film itself (no scene in Borat will top his march to the White House gates to speak to the President of Kazakhstan - a publicity stunt that was all over the Web).
So how can Hollywood catch up? By going digital. As someone who aspired to be a motion picture director from 1997 to 2002, I certainly agree that film is the most beautiful visual medium available. But if the '70s was the "Me Decade," this is the "Me, Myself and I" decade, with more and more brats uploading their own comedic shows and sketches onto YouTube. If Hollywood were to go digital, some interesting scenarios might open up.
Let's say a movie house has a theater open from 12 AM to 1:30 AM for an amateur comedy (an Olde English film, say) that has gotten the most buzz at a Channel 101-style contest (one for amateur movies instead of shows). One theater might mean nothing, but what if it's the UA theater in Union Square and all the bloggers are buzzing about it? It might not go into wide release, but limited release would be a possibility. Considering the budget for a cheap digital film, the movie could be very profitable for the filmakers, the theaters and the distribution companies. After the successful digital indie debut, perhaps Olde English could ink a deal with Warner Brothers and make a more professional studio film. This would be one way that film and web could have better synergy.
This scenario has a factor that was vital to Hollywood fifty years ago and is all but dead in Tinseltown today: word of mouth. There was a time when a Pauline Kael review would have people talking. The promotional blitz has replaced word of mouth. The other day, I encountered a talking Norbit ad at the Parkside men's room. One more Pabst Blue Ribbon and I would have ripped it off the wall and thrown in the toilet (there's a time and a place to hear Eddie Murphy sing a Pussycat Dolls song).
Studios fear that switching from film to digital will make piracy easier. Parodoxically, piracy should be the least of Hollywood's worries. At least piracy indicates that people still want to watch movies.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Pop Comedy Hits
Robert Lloyd of the LA Times compared comedy to pop music in his recent article on Adult Swim.
Of all the arts, comedy is the closest to pop music; perhaps because the new wave is always defined by the young, eager to separate itself from what came before and to own what comes next.
So what are the pop comedy hits? Dude romances with male lead characters who are afraid to grow up (i.e., The Break-Up) do great at the box office. So do "mom-edys" like Monster-in-Law. Other hit comedy genres include the Unironic Racist Comedy (Norbit, which was #1 at the box office, has Eddie Murphy dress up like a Chinaman and make fun of him; Carlos Mencia, who is one of the top comedians on MySpace, once told Dre and Snoop that he was gonna tell nigger jokes; a few people in Dre's posse pulled guns on Mencia) and MySpace comedy (David Lehre's MySpace movie made him and his website so popular he has his own Fox TV show). And of course, absurd cartoons like "Aqua Teen Hunger Force."
This means I have the formula for a hit comedy: a movie about a racist slacker dude who hooks up with a MILF on MySpace. He must save her from a talking falafel with superpowers. It's called May-December Romance on MySpace: P.S. Muslims Suck
Here's a sample of the script:
Racist dude: Dude, wanna shoot a goat?
MILF: Uh, no thanks?
Racist dude: Not even while a Muslim's fucking it?
MILF: No thanks.
RD: OK, well how about you come with me and while you check your MySpace on your Helio non-phone, I shoot a Muslim and the goat he's fucking?
MILF: OK.
(cut to couple outside of Muslim goat fucker's hotel room)
RD: Dude, that's sick. Let me shoot the goat. (fires) Bullseye.
MILF: Wait, let me shoot the Arab. (fires)Wow, that was awesome. Just like Camus's The Stranger. I feel so...
RD: Alive?
MILF: Yes (they kiss)
SuperFalafel: (shoots Electric Hummus Bolts at them)
(Full disclosure: I am an Arab-American who was raised Muslim [though is now an atheist]) and despite the fact that I find the following treatment stupid, I fear it would actually be a hit blockbuster).
Of all the arts, comedy is the closest to pop music; perhaps because the new wave is always defined by the young, eager to separate itself from what came before and to own what comes next.
So what are the pop comedy hits? Dude romances with male lead characters who are afraid to grow up (i.e., The Break-Up) do great at the box office. So do "mom-edys" like Monster-in-Law. Other hit comedy genres include the Unironic Racist Comedy (Norbit, which was #1 at the box office, has Eddie Murphy dress up like a Chinaman and make fun of him; Carlos Mencia, who is one of the top comedians on MySpace, once told Dre and Snoop that he was gonna tell nigger jokes; a few people in Dre's posse pulled guns on Mencia) and MySpace comedy (David Lehre's MySpace movie made him and his website so popular he has his own Fox TV show). And of course, absurd cartoons like "Aqua Teen Hunger Force."
This means I have the formula for a hit comedy: a movie about a racist slacker dude who hooks up with a MILF on MySpace. He must save her from a talking falafel with superpowers. It's called May-December Romance on MySpace: P.S. Muslims Suck
Here's a sample of the script:
Racist dude: Dude, wanna shoot a goat?
MILF: Uh, no thanks?
Racist dude: Not even while a Muslim's fucking it?
MILF: No thanks.
RD: OK, well how about you come with me and while you check your MySpace on your Helio non-phone, I shoot a Muslim and the goat he's fucking?
MILF: OK.
(cut to couple outside of Muslim goat fucker's hotel room)
RD: Dude, that's sick. Let me shoot the goat. (fires) Bullseye.
MILF: Wait, let me shoot the Arab. (fires)Wow, that was awesome. Just like Camus's The Stranger. I feel so...
RD: Alive?
MILF: Yes (they kiss)
SuperFalafel: (shoots Electric Hummus Bolts at them)
(Full disclosure: I am an Arab-American who was raised Muslim [though is now an atheist]) and despite the fact that I find the following treatment stupid, I fear it would actually be a hit blockbuster).
Friday, February 09, 2007
David Spade: Engorged Tick?
Sammy Ray (the man who designed the logo for this blog) renewed his old website The Rec. In it he makes an analogy between giving a crack-addicted friend rock and Adam Sandler giving David Spade movie roles. Though I do not feel as much hostility towards Spade, this post is hilarious.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Epic Movie: A Blog Office Bomb of Epic Proportions
Here are some blog reviews I culled from Technorati.
Watching this movie is the Hollywood version of looking at a scrapbook of the worst, most embarrassing moments of your life, and both feature some guy who isn’t Borat going “Niiiiice” -Alex Blagg, Best Week Ever Blog
Yes, the public's capacity for urine jokes and kicks to the crotch proved endless -- or, if not endless, then worth $19.2 million -- as Epic Movie dominated the box office in, uh, epic fashion.-Patricia Chui, Cinematical
The degeneration of America continues as Epic Movie tops the charts.-Donkey Sosa
Playing the Teddybears in your promo guarantees the work sucks (Epic Movie,"Bones"). If you need an actor or writer for Space Movie or any future spoofs, I'm available.-Mo Diggs, Mo!
Watching this movie is the Hollywood version of looking at a scrapbook of the worst, most embarrassing moments of your life, and both feature some guy who isn’t Borat going “Niiiiice” -Alex Blagg, Best Week Ever Blog
Yes, the public's capacity for urine jokes and kicks to the crotch proved endless -- or, if not endless, then worth $19.2 million -- as Epic Movie dominated the box office in, uh, epic fashion.-Patricia Chui, Cinematical
The degeneration of America continues as Epic Movie tops the charts.-Donkey Sosa
Playing the Teddybears in your promo guarantees the work sucks (Epic Movie,"Bones"). If you need an actor or writer for Space Movie or any future spoofs, I'm available.-Mo Diggs, Mo!
Thursday, January 25, 2007
MySpace: The Parallel Universe of the Entertainment Blogosphere
MySpace art and entertainment blogs amuse me. First of all, MySpace calls a blog post a "blog." Riiiight. Secondly, the design is the diametrical opposite of TypePad. TypePad is for those who know Perl, CSS and all that. MySpace has bimbo and jock blogs. I will demonstrate the difference between how other blogs tackle culture and how MySpace blogs do it.
MUSIC
Usually a widely-read music blog is written by some smarmy hipster vagina quilt (I have the exceptions in my link list) who drones on about the latest buzz band, mocks said band in the following post and uploads a free mp3 from that band only to take it down a week later.
To get ahead in the MySpace music blog biz you need to give readers a CHANCE TO WIN A NEW ALBUM FROM SOUTHERN METAL BAND SALIVA!!!!!
ART AND PHOTOGRAPHY
Most art and photography blogs have these long-winded essays about networked performance, biotech and the "gamespace."
As of this writing the top art and photography blog on MySpace has photos of a Tennessee metal band's road equipment.
It ain't art until it's cranked up to 11!
CELEBRITIES
Your average celebrity blog has a snarky tone and breaking gossip about where Britney Spears shops and drops.
A MySpace celebrity blog has a white guy dressed as a "terrorist" (with a "chick" who has the "detonator"[smart move by the way]) asking who your favorite cartoon character is. Now that's a question the entertainment reporters are too squeamish to ask.
Are you accusing me of being a terrorist, a racist, or an asshole?
Oh and for that anonymous troll who's gonna write "this blog is not funny; MySpace blogs are funny," keep telling yourself that. No really, Erika wants you to check out her website because she thinks you're cute.
MUSIC
Usually a widely-read music blog is written by some smarmy hipster vagina quilt (I have the exceptions in my link list) who drones on about the latest buzz band, mocks said band in the following post and uploads a free mp3 from that band only to take it down a week later.
To get ahead in the MySpace music blog biz you need to give readers a CHANCE TO WIN A NEW ALBUM FROM SOUTHERN METAL BAND SALIVA!!!!!
Most art and photography blogs have these long-winded essays about networked performance, biotech and the "gamespace."
As of this writing the top art and photography blog on MySpace has photos of a Tennessee metal band's road equipment.
Your average celebrity blog has a snarky tone and breaking gossip about where Britney Spears shops and drops.
A MySpace celebrity blog has a white guy dressed as a "terrorist" (with a "chick" who has the "detonator"[smart move by the way]) asking who your favorite cartoon character is. Now that's a question the entertainment reporters are too squeamish to ask.
Oh and for that anonymous troll who's gonna write "this blog is not funny; MySpace blogs are funny," keep telling yourself that. No really, Erika wants you to check out her website because she thinks you're cute.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Idiocracy: Funniest Film Comedy of '06
Forget Little Miss Sunshine or Borat. Idiocracy is so good it changes the way I look at the world. It's inspiring and depressing. Inspiring because of the satire; bleak because of its depressing message. The story is about an average-intelligence guy who wakes up in 2505 to a world full of idiots and garbage. People who are even slightly smarter are called "faggots."
Here's the classic intro from the director of Office Space.
Unlike most satires, Idiocracy is not above dick jokes. Of course Judge is mocking people who only get broad comedy, but he also belongs to the tradition of Rabelais and Swift, both of whom were just as adept at lowbrow humor as well as highbrow.
The movie might be a little preachy, but for Hollwood - the town that honors the Forest Gumps and Dane Cooks of the world - it's not a cliched message: get your shit together, planet Earth. This message inspired me in many ways.
See I'm an Arab and an American. The two cultures cannot be more diametrically opposed. Arabs are mostly Muslim, Americans Christian. Most Arabs, being Muslim, frown down on alcohol. Most Americans love alcohol. Most Arabs are stereotyped by Americans as being humorless, austere and smelly. Most Americans are stereotyped by Arabs as decadent, imperialistic and vain. But both cultures are run by frighteningly stupid, militaristic autocrats that have no love for their constituents and threaten to take away more freedoms every day. So these two opposing cultures have one thing in common, which must mean it is true for the human race: Humans are evolving into a warmongering, angry and obstinate species that has long ago abandoned reason as something that "faggots" resort to. Of course, I'm a stupid human, what do I know?
Here's the classic intro from the director of Office Space.
Unlike most satires, Idiocracy is not above dick jokes. Of course Judge is mocking people who only get broad comedy, but he also belongs to the tradition of Rabelais and Swift, both of whom were just as adept at lowbrow humor as well as highbrow.
The movie might be a little preachy, but for Hollwood - the town that honors the Forest Gumps and Dane Cooks of the world - it's not a cliched message: get your shit together, planet Earth. This message inspired me in many ways.
See I'm an Arab and an American. The two cultures cannot be more diametrically opposed. Arabs are mostly Muslim, Americans Christian. Most Arabs, being Muslim, frown down on alcohol. Most Americans love alcohol. Most Arabs are stereotyped by Americans as being humorless, austere and smelly. Most Americans are stereotyped by Arabs as decadent, imperialistic and vain. But both cultures are run by frighteningly stupid, militaristic autocrats that have no love for their constituents and threaten to take away more freedoms every day. So these two opposing cultures have one thing in common, which must mean it is true for the human race: Humans are evolving into a warmongering, angry and obstinate species that has long ago abandoned reason as something that "faggots" resort to. Of course, I'm a stupid human, what do I know?
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Nothing Funny About Comedy: How Teenagers Have Ruined Funny Films
This section is where I give serious essays on comedy.
My Taiwanese-American friend Mike and I went to a theater once to see a movie. There were loud teenyboppers yelling into their cell phones. Mike said "I gotta leave this theater," so we left. David Denby of the New Yorker recently wrote an article on how the multiplex experience is getting bad even for Hollywood studio heads. The article mentions cell phones. If he had courage he would have specifically blamed the teenyboppers on their mobile phones.
Cars was the highest-grossing comedy of '06. The top live-action comedy was Talladega Nights.Pretty funny, but neither Borat nor Little Miss Sunshine are on the list. Worst of all, there were three more computer-animated cartoon comedies beating it: Ice Age, Happy Feet and Over the Hedge. Even Seinfeld, who once said in Rolling Stone that comedy isn't ready for the movies, has decided to act in only one feature: Bee Movie, a computer-animated film.
You and I hate the glut of these films. But what do teenyboppers have to do with the success of these films? Surely teenagers aren't the ones seeing Ice Age - families are. That's my point: teenagers have been so obnoxiously loud on their cell phones before and during the films that people are avoiding teen and adult comedies like the plague. Studios insist on marketing to teens. Why? Teen comedies have flopped one after the other. Remember Accepted, anybody? No. That's why the American Pie sequels are moving to DVD; teens are busy watching Nick Cannon films while fatigued, ruddy-faced fathers let out relaxed sighs at the latest computer-animal revue.
Kids are just as noisy as teens, of course, but teens go to the movies themselves more and more, especially with GPS-equipped cell phones ensuring their parents can check up on them without hearing that dreadful tinny emo music. However most parents don't drop off their small children at the movies. Thus parents prefer to take the family to kids' movies with children only as opposed to teen films where they might run into some delusional suburban brat who thinks he's gonna make the draft pick for Dipset.
In the '80s some of the greatest blockbusters were teen/college comedies. Ferris, Revenge of the Nerds Back to the Future . Now we toss Dane Cook films at the multiplex like burnt French fries at overfed seagulls. When they don't stick we wonder why.
So what's the future of comedy blockbusters in the movies? Not on the iPod or on the PC or the TV; I don't want to derail here. In the multiplex, what will bring in thelaughsmoney? Night at the Museum was number one last week. It's a live action film about museum figures coming to life. So it had better be a family comedy with a few ironic asides for the adults. Oh, and if you see my friend Mike looking relaxed on the line for the movie, you know you've got a solid gold comedy hit.
My Taiwanese-American friend Mike and I went to a theater once to see a movie. There were loud teenyboppers yelling into their cell phones. Mike said "I gotta leave this theater," so we left. David Denby of the New Yorker recently wrote an article on how the multiplex experience is getting bad even for Hollywood studio heads. The article mentions cell phones. If he had courage he would have specifically blamed the teenyboppers on their mobile phones.
Cars was the highest-grossing comedy of '06. The top live-action comedy was Talladega Nights.Pretty funny, but neither Borat nor Little Miss Sunshine are on the list. Worst of all, there were three more computer-animated cartoon comedies beating it: Ice Age, Happy Feet and Over the Hedge. Even Seinfeld, who once said in Rolling Stone that comedy isn't ready for the movies, has decided to act in only one feature: Bee Movie, a computer-animated film.
You and I hate the glut of these films. But what do teenyboppers have to do with the success of these films? Surely teenagers aren't the ones seeing Ice Age - families are. That's my point: teenagers have been so obnoxiously loud on their cell phones before and during the films that people are avoiding teen and adult comedies like the plague. Studios insist on marketing to teens. Why? Teen comedies have flopped one after the other. Remember Accepted, anybody? No. That's why the American Pie sequels are moving to DVD; teens are busy watching Nick Cannon films while fatigued, ruddy-faced fathers let out relaxed sighs at the latest computer-animal revue.
Kids are just as noisy as teens, of course, but teens go to the movies themselves more and more, especially with GPS-equipped cell phones ensuring their parents can check up on them without hearing that dreadful tinny emo music. However most parents don't drop off their small children at the movies. Thus parents prefer to take the family to kids' movies with children only as opposed to teen films where they might run into some delusional suburban brat who thinks he's gonna make the draft pick for Dipset.
In the '80s some of the greatest blockbusters were teen/college comedies. Ferris, Revenge of the Nerds Back to the Future . Now we toss Dane Cook films at the multiplex like burnt French fries at overfed seagulls. When they don't stick we wonder why.
So what's the future of comedy blockbusters in the movies? Not on the iPod or on the PC or the TV; I don't want to derail here. In the multiplex, what will bring in the
Friday, January 05, 2007
Parents: Take Your Kids to R-Rated Movies
A.O. Scott says in the NY Times that CGI animated films are limiting children's imagination: they need to be exposed to the movies parents want to see as well. Couldn't agree more. When I was eight, my mom and my grandma took me to see Beverly Hills Cop. My grandma loved Eddie Murphy. Never mind that my Turkish grandma couldn't understand English; she loved the funny faces he made. So Beverly Hills Cop was my first R-rated film. In it, I saw tits for the first time. Of course I walked out thinking it was the best film ever. Plus I never heard "fuck" used so much in a movie before. Having no father figure at the time, Eddie Murphy was an awesome two hour substitute who taught me to love tits, say fuck and taste cocaine to see if it's real.
Of course, there was that time when I went to see Boomerang with my mom, my grandma and my stepdad when I was 16. That sex scene with Eddie Murphy and Robin Givens made me feel awkward, though my grandma laughed. Uh, you know what? Stay away from Eddie Murphy films, including Shrek.
Of course, there was that time when I went to see Boomerang with my mom, my grandma and my stepdad when I was 16. That sex scene with Eddie Murphy and Robin Givens made me feel awkward, though my grandma laughed. Uh, you know what? Stay away from Eddie Murphy films, including Shrek.
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