Cereal Offenders

In the ‘80s there was this strange Saturday morning commercial trend of cartoon characters stealing cereal:

The Cookie Crook stealing Cookie Crisp




Barney Flinstone stealing Fruity Pebbles



The Trix rabbit stealing Trix.



These animated promos often had a humorous tone, which is odd because I find nothing funny about someone so desperate to eat that he steals food. Not money, food. Most starving robbers are OK with stealing money. Stealing food is many things—pathetic, baleful, an altogether gut-wrenchingly miserable affair. But funny? No. Throngs of people die from hunger.

If someone stole my bowl of cereal, I certainly wouldn’t chase him. I’ve lived with roommates before; roommates steal cereal from each other time and again. No big. The only reason I would chase after someone famished enough to steal my box of Honey Smacks is to tell them they forgot the milk.

Remember when kids voted for the Trix rabbit to eat some Trix? Of course they did—what kind of malevolent degenerate laughs at a starving rabbit?

So help yourself to some Cookie Crisp. I need a new roommate.

MySpace: The Parallel Universe of the Entertainment Blogosphere

MySpace art and entertainment blogs amuse me. First of all, MySpace calls a blog post a "blog." Riiiight. Secondly, the design is the diametrical opposite of TypePad. TypePad is for those who know Perl, CSS and all that. MySpace has bimbo and jock blogs. I will demonstrate the difference between how other blogs tackle culture and how MySpace blogs do it.


MUSIC

Usually a widely-read music blog is written by some smarmy hipster vagina quilt (I have the exceptions in my link list) who drones on about the latest buzz band, mocks said band in the following post and uploads a free mp3 from that band only to take it down a week later.

To get ahead in the MySpace music blog biz you need to give readers a CHANCE TO WIN A NEW ALBUM FROM SOUTHERN METAL BAND SALIVA!!!!!

ART AND PHOTOGRAPHY

Most art and photography blogs have these long-winded essays about networked performance, biotech and the "gamespace."

As of this writing the top art and photography blog on MySpace has photos of a Tennessee metal band's road equipment.


It ain't art until it's cranked up to 11!


CELEBRITIES

Your average celebrity blog has a snarky tone and breaking gossip about where Britney Spears shops and drops.

A MySpace celebrity blog has a white guy dressed as a "terrorist" (with a "chick" who has the "detonator"[smart move by the way]) asking who your favorite cartoon character is. Now that's a question the entertainment reporters are too squeamish to ask.


Are you accusing me of being a terrorist, a racist, or an asshole?



Oh and for that anonymous troll who's gonna write "this blog is not funny; MySpace blogs are funny," keep telling yourself that. No really, Erika wants you to check out her website because she thinks you're cute.

I'm a Guest on The Meathead Diaries

NSFW NOT SAFE FOR WORK

I am a Guest on the Meathead Diaries

I'm not sure what I'm being interviewed about, all I know is that it's not safe for work. At all.