In the ‘80s there was this strange Saturday morning commercial trend of cartoon characters stealing cereal:
The Cookie Crook stealing Cookie Crisp
Barney Flinstone stealing Fruity Pebbles
The Trix rabbit stealing Trix.
These animated promos often had a humorous tone, which is odd because I find nothing funny about someone so desperate to eat that he steals food. Not money, food. Most starving robbers are OK with stealing money. Stealing food is many things—pathetic, baleful, an altogether gut-wrenchingly miserable affair. But funny? No. Throngs of people die from hunger.
If someone stole my bowl of cereal, I certainly wouldn’t chase him. I’ve lived with roommates before; roommates steal cereal from each other time and again. No big. The only reason I would chase after someone famished enough to steal my box of Honey Smacks is to tell them they forgot the milk.
Remember when kids voted for the Trix rabbit to eat some Trix? Of course they did—what kind of malevolent degenerate laughs at a starving rabbit?
So help yourself to some Cookie Crisp. I need a new roommate.