Apiary Says: Say Something Nice!

Apiary takes the opposite route of most comedians and tries to be funny and nice simultaneously in their segment "Say Something Nice." This week: say something nice about dead champion racehorse Barbaro.

NOTE: I made the unforgivable typo and "said something nice" as Mo Sigga not Mo Diggs.

MySpace: The Parallel Universe of the Entertainment Blogosphere

MySpace art and entertainment blogs amuse me. First of all, MySpace calls a blog post a "blog." Riiiight. Secondly, the design is the diametrical opposite of TypePad. TypePad is for those who know Perl, CSS and all that. MySpace has bimbo and jock blogs. I will demonstrate the difference between how other blogs tackle culture and how MySpace blogs do it.


MUSIC

Usually a widely-read music blog is written by some smarmy hipster vagina quilt (I have the exceptions in my link list) who drones on about the latest buzz band, mocks said band in the following post and uploads a free mp3 from that band only to take it down a week later.

To get ahead in the MySpace music blog biz you need to give readers a CHANCE TO WIN A NEW ALBUM FROM SOUTHERN METAL BAND SALIVA!!!!!

ART AND PHOTOGRAPHY

Most art and photography blogs have these long-winded essays about networked performance, biotech and the "gamespace."

As of this writing the top art and photography blog on MySpace has photos of a Tennessee metal band's road equipment.


It ain't art until it's cranked up to 11!


CELEBRITIES

Your average celebrity blog has a snarky tone and breaking gossip about where Britney Spears shops and drops.

A MySpace celebrity blog has a white guy dressed as a "terrorist" (with a "chick" who has the "detonator"[smart move by the way]) asking who your favorite cartoon character is. Now that's a question the entertainment reporters are too squeamish to ask.


Are you accusing me of being a terrorist, a racist, or an asshole?



Oh and for that anonymous troll who's gonna write "this blog is not funny; MySpace blogs are funny," keep telling yourself that. No really, Erika wants you to check out her website because she thinks you're cute.

Blog Comedy, Blog Pop

As this article shows, many mainstream comedians like Artie Lange and Dane Cook are using the Internet yet on every blog on comedy I don't see their names.

Thus I propose the terms blog comedy and blog pop. Terms like "alternative" and "indie" carry connotations of exaggerated superiority; an implication that the listener is above the masses. Whereas I pretty much just listen to whatever's on the blogs. Seriously. I'm not digging record crates at Cake Shop trying to find the most alternative comedian ever. All they ever have there are Firesign Theater records.



Seriously, is there a comedy blog that discusses Artie Lange and ignores Eugene Mirman? Or a music blog that prefers Nickelback to TV on the Radio? Find me these two blogs. Your reward will be sent in your offshore account in gold chocolate coins.

Dane Cook Bullies Alex Blagg

Dane Cook bullies Alex Blagg in an awesome jock versus nerd megaflame war.
Short of it:
1) Alex Blagg makes a few snarky comments about Dane Cook on Best Week Ever blog
2) Dane Cook writes a reply.



you wish you were Dane Cook and that’s one of your problems. your an elitist dolt with nothing but a crappy unfunny bio. Or as we call you “alt”...
THAT is your legacy. Think about those words Alex Blagg. THAT is what your name has earned.

Alex Blagg rightfully calls Crook out as a joke thief.

In fact I would have replied to him by switching around the words to his reply and calling it my comeback much like Dane Cook switches the words to other people's jokes around and calls them his jokes.


you wish you were Alex Blagg and that’s one of your problems. your an elitist dolt with nothing but a crappy unfunny bio. Or as we call you “alt”

if i am AB or not doesn’t really matter. i got into your head and thats all i wanted. once you start posting your jealous “remarks” .. and in forums it is not just your private opinion anymore. So not everyone that reads it thinks your an adorable heavy set treat with your witty quips. I demur that position you take sir.

my remark lets see — well — is you’re a nobody douche with low self esteem that wishes he could contribute anything to this world so how do you do it? Hmmm I guess your a critic of people? That is your new title DC the critic of people! How does that pay when you’re not working at the kinkos or is it home depot?

your parents must me so proud. Let’s call them together and tell them about your latest post!

I look forward to your reply. I wager you sit writing and re-writing for well over an hour. Heart pounding trying to think of the perfect phrase or wording to get back at me at someone you dont know at all but you are great at that right? How can you take down someone that gave you the opportunity to speak at all? Go ahead sweetness write back with your well oiled quips — call a friend maybe they will help write it. Or better yet do what you ALWAYS do and take out your lack of worth on Alex Blagg and others that work hard, contribute and get their goals — the ones that CAN’T FIGHT YOU because they are too busy and have too much to do to even notice you.

You would never in a million blogs say anything to anyones face you scared kitty. i bet my eyes on it.

Man think about your mom and dad. Fuck they must wish they had a son that was worth something more than a blogging hater. Don’t worry Dane you’re not the only one who is getting this treatment from me. See you’re not that special even in bs like this. I just love turning the hard light on some of you bitter pills.

THAT is your legacy. Think about those words Dane Cook. THAT is what your name has earned.