The only reason I consistently check Pitchfork is to read Chris Dahlen's excellent "Get That out of Your Mouth" column. Today, he looks at why Web 2.0 cares more about Star Wars than Africa.
I blame Bono. Just like hippies gave protests the stigma of patchouli oil and hacky sacks, whenever I hear someone talk about Africa, I imagine Bono's self-congratulatory mug. Of course this is an awful excuse. I mean what could be worse than ignoring injustice because it's unfashionable?
But my problem with Bono is he seems to speak for Africans as opposed to letting Africans speak for themselves. Since this is a comedy blog, I decided to look up African comedy on YouTube. Here's a South African comic.
Showing posts with label Internet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Internet. Show all posts
Friday, February 09, 2007
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Budweiser and Dane Cook Have More in Common Than Getting Frat Boys Horny
Budweiser also steals jokes from hard-working comedians. Whitest Kids U Know had a funny slapping video on College Humor.
After rejecting Budweiser for some corny-ass BudTV offer, TheFigureheadKing of Beers ripped off their video for an inferior Super Bowl commercial.
You be thejudge jury. I'll be the judge.
After rejecting Budweiser for some corny-ass BudTV offer, The
You be the
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
The Ten Most Hackneyed Internet Joke Premises in Stand-Up
10) Let's cut the bullshit-the Internet is only good for porn.
9) You ever Google your ex?
8) Who's this Tom guy on MySpace and why does he want to be my friend?
7) Back in my day, we called a "blog" a "diary."
6) So I was on the Internets...
5) Who wants to say "I have a hot date with LadyBug413?"
4) I wonder what happens when you Google Google?
3) What's with these penis enlargement e-mails I keep getting?
2) You can buy whatever you want to on eBay these days!
1) Aren't hackneyed Internet joke premises annoying?
9) You ever Google your ex?
8) Who's this Tom guy on MySpace and why does he want to be my friend?
7) Back in my day, we called a "blog" a "diary."
6) So I was on the Internets...
5) Who wants to say "I have a hot date with LadyBug413?"
4) I wonder what happens when you Google Google?
3) What's with these penis enlargement e-mails I keep getting?
2) You can buy whatever you want to on eBay these days!
1) Aren't hackneyed Internet joke premises annoying?
Friday, February 02, 2007
Hey YouTube...
Thank you for saving comedy. I was worried that hipsters would destroy alt-comedy. Then I caught this:
If you want to be a comedian to become an L.A. writer, yeah, hip is great. Because it’s smart and writers are supposed to be smart. So get as smart as you can and still stay funny and just start going up everywhere in town and wait for people to talk to you after the shows and ask to see your scripts. And then make sure you have scripts.If you just want to do standup and forget all of this analysis I do every month about bouncing around inside the standup cube, then I guess my only advice is to stay the hell out of L.A.. Because once you get here there’s no way to not start taking yourself apart and figuring out what the hell there is in this pile of psyche and humor and body and self that you might be able to sell to people who control the sacred light we call television. (my italics)
Shecky columnist Dan French wrote that when Mitch Hedberg was alive. Throughout the essay, he makes the point that in order to make money in alt-comedy, you need another gig. Like TV writing or a sitcom role.
How does YouTube help us circumvent that?
1) You can try to put up free videos online and have your URL flash at the end so people can buy your merch (DVDs, T-shirts), meaning you can make money the way an indie band does (doing the occasional big club for money, selling merch)
2) The suits can discover your intelligent TV pitch or your excellent comic acting online (meaning if all you want is a TV gig you can stop pretending to like stand-up comedy now).
3)YouTube helps alternative comedians promote themselves. There was a time when I would have to hear about Andy Kindler's alt shows (as opposed to the Letterman appearances I usually watch) but now
Most interesting of all, word of mouth might help bring more fans to, say, Baron Vaughn shows so that he might be able to sell out clubs with loyal fans as opposed to being forced downtown because those who want Viagra jokes won't get him.
Of course he could also make money off of merch. I would buy a T-shirt that says "I taught my cell phone racism." So intelligent comedians (like Dan French might be by now) won't need to suck the CRT dick.
If you want to be a comedian to become an L.A. writer, yeah, hip is great. Because it’s smart and writers are supposed to be smart. So get as smart as you can and still stay funny and just start going up everywhere in town and wait for people to talk to you after the shows and ask to see your scripts. And then make sure you have scripts.If you just want to do standup and forget all of this analysis I do every month about bouncing around inside the standup cube, then I guess my only advice is to stay the hell out of L.A.. Because once you get here there’s no way to not start taking yourself apart and figuring out what the hell there is in this pile of psyche and humor and body and self that you might be able to sell to people who control the sacred light we call television. (my italics)
Shecky columnist Dan French wrote that when Mitch Hedberg was alive. Throughout the essay, he makes the point that in order to make money in alt-comedy, you need another gig. Like TV writing or a sitcom role.
How does YouTube help us circumvent that?
1) You can try to put up free videos online and have your URL flash at the end so people can buy your merch (DVDs, T-shirts), meaning you can make money the way an indie band does (doing the occasional big club for money, selling merch)
2) The suits can discover your intelligent TV pitch or your excellent comic acting online (meaning if all you want is a TV gig you can stop pretending to like stand-up comedy now).
3)YouTube helps alternative comedians promote themselves. There was a time when I would have to hear about Andy Kindler's alt shows (as opposed to the Letterman appearances I usually watch) but now
Most interesting of all, word of mouth might help bring more fans to, say, Baron Vaughn shows so that he might be able to sell out clubs with loyal fans as opposed to being forced downtown because those who want Viagra jokes won't get him.
Of course he could also make money off of merch. I would buy a T-shirt that says "I taught my cell phone racism." So intelligent comedians (like Dan French might be by now) won't need to suck the CRT dick.
Friday, January 26, 2007
The Top Internet Comedy Celebrities According to Forbes
Forbes has a list of the top Internet celebrities. I sorted the funny ones out for you.
Ze Frank: The
only one on the list actually featured in The Web Celeb 25 (at #11). Though some episodes of The Show have lame dick jokes, to paraphrase Rilo Kiley, when he's on, he's really fucking on.
Ask a Ninja: Like all the others on this list besides Ze, Ask a Ninja is featured in the fictional stars section. A ninja answering e-mails sounds an awful lot like the next character's schtick.
Strong Bad: Before Ask a Ninja, The Brothers Chaps were selling and distributing their own merchandise. Only Eugene Mirman can match the anarchic wordplay and warped logic of Strong Bad.
Master Chief: Though Red vs. Blue is the more popular machinima, I prefer The Strangerhood. I'm also a hairy vagina who occasionally enjoys playing The Sims.
Leeroy Jenkins: That whole thing in the header about the Internet being one of the worst things to hit comedy ever. I'm only half-joking.
Previously: Valleywag's 12 Funniest People on the Internet.
Ze Frank: Theonly one on the list actually featured in The Web Celeb 25 (at #11). Though some episodes of The Show have lame dick jokes, to paraphrase Rilo Kiley, when he's on, he's really fucking on.
Ask a Ninja: Like all the others on this list besides Ze, Ask a Ninja is featured in the fictional stars section. A ninja answering e-mails sounds an awful lot like the next character's schtick. 
Strong Bad: Before Ask a Ninja, The Brothers Chaps were selling and distributing their own merchandise. Only Eugene Mirman can match the anarchic wordplay and warped logic of Strong Bad. 
Master Chief: Though Red vs. Blue is the more popular machinima, I prefer The Strangerhood. I'm also a hairy vagina who occasionally enjoys playing The Sims. 
Leeroy Jenkins: That whole thing in the header about the Internet being one of the worst things to hit comedy ever. I'm only half-joking. Previously: Valleywag's 12 Funniest People on the Internet.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
MySpace: The Parallel Universe of the Entertainment Blogosphere
MySpace art and entertainment blogs amuse me. First of all, MySpace calls a blog post a "blog." Riiiight. Secondly, the design is the diametrical opposite of TypePad. TypePad is for those who know Perl, CSS and all that. MySpace has bimbo and jock blogs. I will demonstrate the difference between how other blogs tackle culture and how MySpace blogs do it.
MUSIC
Usually a widely-read music blog is written by some smarmy hipster vagina quilt (I have the exceptions in my link list) who drones on about the latest buzz band, mocks said band in the following post and uploads a free mp3 from that band only to take it down a week later.
To get ahead in the MySpace music blog biz you need to give readers a CHANCE TO WIN A NEW ALBUM FROM SOUTHERN METAL BAND SALIVA!!!!!
ART AND PHOTOGRAPHY
Most art and photography blogs have these long-winded essays about networked performance, biotech and the "gamespace."
As of this writing the top art and photography blog on MySpace has photos of a Tennessee metal band's road equipment.
It ain't art until it's cranked up to 11!
CELEBRITIES
Your average celebrity blog has a snarky tone and breaking gossip about where Britney Spears shops and drops.
A MySpace celebrity blog has a white guy dressed as a "terrorist" (with a "chick" who has the "detonator"[smart move by the way]) asking who your favorite cartoon character is. Now that's a question the entertainment reporters are too squeamish to ask.
Are you accusing me of being a terrorist, a racist, or an asshole?
Oh and for that anonymous troll who's gonna write "this blog is not funny; MySpace blogs are funny," keep telling yourself that. No really, Erika wants you to check out her website because she thinks you're cute.
MUSIC
Usually a widely-read music blog is written by some smarmy hipster vagina quilt (I have the exceptions in my link list) who drones on about the latest buzz band, mocks said band in the following post and uploads a free mp3 from that band only to take it down a week later.
To get ahead in the MySpace music blog biz you need to give readers a CHANCE TO WIN A NEW ALBUM FROM SOUTHERN METAL BAND SALIVA!!!!!
Most art and photography blogs have these long-winded essays about networked performance, biotech and the "gamespace."
As of this writing the top art and photography blog on MySpace has photos of a Tennessee metal band's road equipment.
Your average celebrity blog has a snarky tone and breaking gossip about where Britney Spears shops and drops.
A MySpace celebrity blog has a white guy dressed as a "terrorist" (with a "chick" who has the "detonator"[smart move by the way]) asking who your favorite cartoon character is. Now that's a question the entertainment reporters are too squeamish to ask.
Oh and for that anonymous troll who's gonna write "this blog is not funny; MySpace blogs are funny," keep telling yourself that. No really, Erika wants you to check out her website because she thinks you're cute.
Technorati to Internet: Arizona Events = Stand-Up Comedy
According to blog search engine Technorati, "Arizona" and "events" are related tags for "stand-up comedy."
So that's what I've been doing wrong. All this time I've been playing that tired game of "big fish, small pond" in New York City. I should have been working the Tucson circuit with sharp zingers about The Gin Blossoms and Arizona Iced Tea. Thanks Technorati.
Wait, according to that screen grab, I have the second highest ranked stand-up comedy blog. Bullshit. Look at all these other stand-up blogs; almost all of them have higher ranks than I do. Man, Technorati is like the robot asking "What is love?" Except it doesn't have the balls (or as we call them in my hood, the "Arizona events") to ask.
So that's what I've been doing wrong. All this time I've been playing that tired game of "big fish, small pond" in New York City. I should have been working the Tucson circuit with sharp zingers about The Gin Blossoms and Arizona Iced Tea. Thanks Technorati.
Wait, according to that screen grab, I have the second highest ranked stand-up comedy blog. Bullshit. Look at all these other stand-up blogs; almost all of them have higher ranks than I do. Man, Technorati is like the robot asking "What is love?" Except it doesn't have the balls (or as we call them in my hood, the "Arizona events") to ask.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Blog Comedy, Blog Pop
As this article shows, many mainstream comedians like Artie Lange and Dane Cook are using the Internet yet on every blog on comedy I don't see their names.
Thus I propose the terms blog comedy and blog pop. Terms like "alternative" and "indie" carry connotations of exaggerated superiority; an implication that the listener is above the masses. Whereas I pretty much just listen to whatever's on the blogs. Seriously. I'm not digging record crates at Cake Shop trying to find the most alternative comedian ever. All they ever have there are Firesign Theater records.
Seriously, is there a comedy blog that discusses Artie Lange and ignores Eugene Mirman? Or a music blog that prefers Nickelback to TV on the Radio? Find me these two blogs. Your reward will be sentin your offshore account in gold chocolate coins.
Thus I propose the terms blog comedy and blog pop. Terms like "alternative" and "indie" carry connotations of exaggerated superiority; an implication that the listener is above the masses. Whereas I pretty much just listen to whatever's on the blogs. Seriously. I'm not digging record crates at Cake Shop trying to find the most alternative comedian ever. All they ever have there are Firesign Theater records.
Seriously, is there a comedy blog that discusses Artie Lange and ignores Eugene Mirman? Or a music blog that prefers Nickelback to TV on the Radio? Find me these two blogs. Your reward will be sent
The Second Comedy Boom? Cocked Eyebrow?
Reuters has declared this the second, tech-fueled comedy boom. Or should we say... dot-comedy boom. What, someone's already told that joke?
``It just works very well on different types of screens,'' said Mitchel Fried, senior vp promotion and marketing at Comedy Central. ``Whether you see Artie Lange on a 20-foot screen or your phone or your iPod, it doesn't matter, he's funny. And stand-up in particular, it's just one body there. You don't need a landscape.''
It sure doesn't matter what screen I see him on. Get ready to have your mind blown:
In fact, many teens lately are more apt to know the names of such hot comedians as Brian Regan, Dane Cook and Frank Caliendo than what new music tops the charts.
Teenagers are more likely to know Brian Regan than Beyonce? That's what this article claims without even a sub-atomic shred of evidence. No wonder the New York Times has a Reuters feed.
I'm more popular than Akon. No wonder he's so lonely.
``It just works very well on different types of screens,'' said Mitchel Fried, senior vp promotion and marketing at Comedy Central. ``Whether you see Artie Lange on a 20-foot screen or your phone or your iPod, it doesn't matter, he's funny. And stand-up in particular, it's just one body there. You don't need a landscape.''
It sure doesn't matter what screen I see him on. Get ready to have your mind blown:
In fact, many teens lately are more apt to know the names of such hot comedians as Brian Regan, Dane Cook and Frank Caliendo than what new music tops the charts.
Teenagers are more likely to know Brian Regan than Beyonce? That's what this article claims without even a sub-atomic shred of evidence. No wonder the New York Times has a Reuters feed.
I'm more popular than Akon. No wonder he's so lonely.
Friday, January 19, 2007
The 12 Funniest People on the Internet
Valleywag has a list of the 12 funniest people on the Internet. One of the people on the list is Bob Powers, author of the second most popular blog written by a comedian, Girls are Pretty. I've met him and I must say he's one of the nicest popular people out there.
For shits, giggles and suds, I'm gonna compare them to the top ten comedians on MySpace, the portal for dummies who don't know the Web. I also think oranges are juicier than apples. What?
Andy Samberg vs. Dane Cook [note: he's not on the list but he has a million friends so obviously he's number one]: From any angle (comedy nerd, nerd comedy, popularity) I think it's reaaaaally obvious that Samberg's the winner here. Employee of the Month tanked while "Dick in a Box" is still on everyone's lips...as a word-of-mouth phenomenon. Plus Dane Cook's recent MySpace hissy fit makes Samberg the ruler of mainstream Internet comedy.
He made a video called "Dick in a Box," I'm making one called "Dildo in a Box." How is that not different, bro?
Violent Acres vs. Carlos Mencia: Slight edge to the Violent Acres blog. Carlos Mencia is everything comedy shouldn't be: hackneyed, mean-spirited, counterfeit. Here's a sample of his Internet comedy.
Did you know you can smash a microphone against your forehead?
Skot vs. Katt Williams: Congrats to Skot but I gotta go with Katt Williams. I just agree with his philisophy "Enjoy your life." Most comics (myself included) like to bitch. Refreshing attitude.
You gangbangin' on bacon?
Ze Frank vs. Brock Baker: Ze Frank. Any questions? Class dismissed.
Brad Neely vs. Nick Swardson: Nick Swardson is what Dane Cook should be: smart dude/bro comedy.
What if that's your thing?
Iggy Pop's Roadie vs. The Tenderloins: Outsider humor (like outsider art, humor that is done by amateurs) is the slithery, ferocious predator of all that is contrived and prepared. Big win for roadies: getting laughs and blowjobs since 1955.
David Malki vs. Jim Gaffigan: Gotta go with the Gaff. You heard me.
Here's electricity
Matthew Baldwin vs. Owen Benjamin:
After seeing this video Owen Benjamin's my hero.
It is sad.
Gabriel Delahaye vs. Pablo Francisco: Gabe by default. Pablo Francisco is the hackiest cornball in recorded history.
Daniel Radosh vs. VooDooWop: VooDooWop, whom I've never heard of until today.
Ryan North vs. Brian Posehn: Brian Posehn, lord of the nerds (Patton is king of the nerds).
Bob Powers vs. Barets and Bareta: Obviously I prefer Bob Powers but I gave Barets and Bareta a Belushi Award for Unfunniest Viral Video of '06.
BIG WINNER: Though the Valleywag list and the MySpace list each have six wins, a tie-breaker is impossible so I'll weigh the votes for the Valleywag list. None of the choices made me bristle like the douchebags on MySpace. Congrats Valleywag and all those who got annointed.
For shits, giggles and suds, I'm gonna compare them to the top ten comedians on MySpace, the portal for dummies who don't know the Web. I also think oranges are juicier than apples. What?
Andy Samberg vs. Dane Cook [note: he's not on the list but he has a million friends so obviously he's number one]: From any angle (comedy nerd, nerd comedy, popularity) I think it's reaaaaally obvious that Samberg's the winner here. Employee of the Month tanked while "Dick in a Box" is still on everyone's lips...as a word-of-mouth phenomenon. Plus Dane Cook's recent MySpace hissy fit makes Samberg the ruler of mainstream Internet comedy.
Violent Acres vs. Carlos Mencia: Slight edge to the Violent Acres blog. Carlos Mencia is everything comedy shouldn't be: hackneyed, mean-spirited, counterfeit. Here's a sample of his Internet comedy.
Skot vs. Katt Williams: Congrats to Skot but I gotta go with Katt Williams. I just agree with his philisophy "Enjoy your life." Most comics (myself included) like to bitch. Refreshing attitude.
Ze Frank vs. Brock Baker: Ze Frank. Any questions? Class dismissed.
Brad Neely vs. Nick Swardson: Nick Swardson is what Dane Cook should be: smart dude/bro comedy.
Iggy Pop's Roadie vs. The Tenderloins: Outsider humor (like outsider art, humor that is done by amateurs) is the slithery, ferocious predator of all that is contrived and prepared. Big win for roadies: getting laughs and blowjobs since 1955.
David Malki vs. Jim Gaffigan: Gotta go with the Gaff. You heard me.
Matthew Baldwin vs. Owen Benjamin:
After seeing this video Owen Benjamin's my hero.
Gabriel Delahaye vs. Pablo Francisco: Gabe by default. Pablo Francisco is the hackiest cornball in recorded history.
Daniel Radosh vs. VooDooWop: VooDooWop, whom I've never heard of until today.
Ryan North vs. Brian Posehn: Brian Posehn, lord of the nerds (Patton is king of the nerds).
Bob Powers vs. Barets and Bareta: Obviously I prefer Bob Powers but I gave Barets and Bareta a Belushi Award for Unfunniest Viral Video of '06.
BIG WINNER: Though the Valleywag list and the MySpace list each have six wins, a tie-breaker is impossible so I'll weigh the votes for the Valleywag list. None of the choices made me bristle like the douchebags on MySpace. Congrats Valleywag and all those who got annointed.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Gates Announces Interconnected Home
"As the magic of software makes it easier for people to be creators, publishers and consumers of digital content, it is expanding the way we think about community and entertainment,” Gates said. “From your living room to your car, we’re delivering a wave of new software products and services that make it easier for you to manage your day-to-day lives, express your ideas and share your interests."
Now you can hear this laugh anywhere (1:44). Man does that warm my cockles!
Now you can hear this laugh anywhere (1:44). Man does that warm my cockles!
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