Monday, September 21, 2009

The All-Purpose Alterna-Hack Joke


It's no secret the industry has its eye on alt-comedy now. So why be yourself? Just get yourself on the display rack at Urban Outfitters on the cover of Paste magazine with The All-Purpose Alterna-Hack Joke and you will be elbow-patch deep in alterna-snatch and drink tickets! [Ed. note: if you think I'm making fun of you in this blog post I probably am you soulless, opportunistic clone]Pay close attention to the key words in bold-I swear to your pagan warlike god these words automatically get laughs from trust-fund brats in faux-dives without fail.

So I was riding my unicorn when I saw a pirate fighting a ninja. The fight was refereed by a robot listening to Nickelback with an Ed Hardy t-shirt. I dropped my Dunston Checks In DVD and felt like my soul got raped. Am I right? I was being ironic with that last question.

6 comments:

EM said...

What?! No midgets?!

C'MOOOOON... hey, how about the death of that guy playing the Joker in the Batman movie, huh? What? Jack Nicholson is dead?! Ha! Not that one, you thought I meant the Tim Burton one, but I was post-referencing a different pre-ironic hack slam!

Hey, is this thing on?

HA! Gotcha again, it isn't even plugged in, you pre-post-modern punks!

...solid gold, baby?

Mo Diggs said...

Roxy Music Rainbow Brite!

Abbi Crutchfield said...

Dead Babies. Alan Thicke. My Grandma's involvement in my functional childhood. Whatever. (I'm wearing a hooded sweatshirt)

Abbi Crutchfield said...

AND COCAINE! Whatever.

Abbi Crutchfield said...

I didn't move my arms once during that whole set.

Mo Diggs said...

And I am smug and distant with no emotions.