Oprah vs. Chuck

The victories of Obama and Huckabee at the Iowa caucus may delude mainstream media outlets to believe that they are about to butt heads. But let’s cut the kerfuffle and get down to brass tacks; this is really a stand-off between Oprah Winfry and Chuck Norris. Who gets the brass ring? Let’s wheel out the wave pool and see which one floats.


ChuckPhones answer to him.


OprahEats phones and wheels out the excrement onstage for audiences to marvel at.

ChuckRecycles bottles and cans with his forehead and takes whatever deposit he deems fit.

OprahRecycles the same book of the month all year round.

ChuckBuys a falafel sandwich, dumps out the falafel, leaves “Norris droppings” in the falafel and sends it in a Christmas stocking wrapped in bacon to Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

OprahKissed Ahmadinejad when he chewed bacon for her and spit it in her mouth.

ChuckLiterally kills at comedy clubs when he reads Neil Simon out loud.

OprahLiterally cries in public when she imagines Obama whistling Paul Simon to himself

ChuckRetrofitted his F18 so the seat is now a marble toilet
OprahJust gave free F18s with marble toilets to her audience



Who’s the big winner? Vote in the comments!