Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thanksgiving With The Obamas
Imagine your mom slapping President-Elect Barack Obama's hand when he reaches for the check, insisting that she pay for a Thanksgiving dinner at the Waldorf Astoria with the Obamas, the Bidens, Obama's Cabinet picks and their respective families, the Secret Service agents, your family and your live-in partner only to find out from a mousy waitress that all three of your mom's credit cards are maxed out.
And that's not even the most awkward part of the dinner.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Remembrance Of Videos Past #62: Sagat, "Funk Dat"
Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock and Rodney Dangerfield have all released songs. Yet none of them are funnier or more emblematic of stand-up comedy than this left-field early '90s lost gem of hip-hop silly. Dropped in 1994, Beavis and Butthead roasted this video, comparing the rapper to 60 Minutes curmudgeon Andy Rooney.
The format of the song:
Sagat says "Question"
Then he bemoans a daily nuisance (getting flyered in the street, pointless phone conversations) in question form.
Then he screams "Funk Dat!" as a nameless little boy with an eyepatch dances and kicks things.
I would love to see some comic update this song.
Question:
Why is it that when you get a gift on FaceBook it's all virtual and shit?
Man FUNK DAT!
If only hip-hop-or any "indie" artist-were this creative and unpretentious today.
The format of the song:
Sagat says "Question"
Then he bemoans a daily nuisance (getting flyered in the street, pointless phone conversations) in question form.
Then he screams "Funk Dat!" as a nameless little boy with an eyepatch dances and kicks things.
I would love to see some comic update this song.
Question:
Why is it that when you get a gift on FaceBook it's all virtual and shit?
Man FUNK DAT!
If only hip-hop-or any "indie" artist-were this creative and unpretentious today.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Celebrity Knock Knock Jokes
I wouldn't want to do these onstage but I don't want to throw them away either. Give me any celebrity/famous person/famous fictional character and I will make a knock-knock joke for you!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Joe the Plumber.
Joe the Plumber who?
Funny, that's what John McCain said earlier.
I'll never sell those chocolates now!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin who?
Sarah Palin, the grandmother of your illegitimate child.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Justin Timberlake.
Justin Timberlake who?
C'mon Dad! It's Thanksgiving!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mark Wahlberg.
Mark Wahlberg who?
I didn't mean to knock on the door. Just wearing "Dirk's Diggler" again.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Joe the Plumber.
Joe the Plumber who?
Funny, that's what John McCain said earlier.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin who?
Sarah Palin, the grandmother of your illegitimate child.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Justin Timberlake.
Justin Timberlake who?
C'mon Dad! It's Thanksgiving!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mark Wahlberg.
Mark Wahlberg who?
I didn't mean to knock on the door. Just wearing "Dirk's Diggler" again.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Friday, November 07, 2008
Thursday, November 06, 2008
AMAZING Yankee Pot Roast Piece
Lucas Held holds it down with "Book Treatment to Publishers A.S.A.P.!"
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
How I Feel About Stand-Up Post-Obama
As revelers from the street party last night celebrating Obama's victory filled the theater watching The Big O give his historic address on the screen, I asked myself: how on God's green globe can I follow this speech? Yes, at the open mike, Obama was opening for me.
I told jokes; jokes about Islamophobia against Obama which did OK, but, buffeted with hooting and hollering from the streets, seemed like a brief, awkward lull bringing history to a grinding halt.
Tim Warner, an amazing comedian, admitted during his set that he could not do his routine and spent seven minutes talking about how happy he was. Who wouldn't - no one was a stranger in the village last night. Hugs abounded like lichens on a mountainside.
More than once, it was said that the election hysteria was like 9/11 in that everyone felt patriotic and connected. One more similarity: a palpable sense that the death of irony was encroaching.
Since at least 2005, the downtown alternative comedy scene was virtually devoid of any polemical, anti-Bush material. Liberal rants seemed hackneyed and pious. But there was enough irony and silliness to make McSweeney's read like n+1. After the teeming masses of hopeful, joyful and euphoric youths blocked every intersection west of Long Island, jokes and non-sequiturs seem lame. (Even Gawker recently experienced a snark shortage).
That is to say nothing of the politically incorrect mike jockeys that play at clubs in the West Village and Times Square. Now is not the time to say "I love Obama, but..." or "If I vote for Obama, black people will have nothing to complain about."
This latter, sweaty, hoary type of comedy will probably see its stocks plummet, but the zany zingers will probably resurface as the much-needed panacea to an Obama hangover. But do not be surprised to see more comedians doing what is described on message board A Special Thing as "lecture comedy." The comedy of Hicks, Carlin and Pryor, where there is as much applause as laughter; as much oratory as oral sex jokes; as much silliness as sincerity.
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
Monday, November 03, 2008
Remembrance Of Videos Past #61: Soul Asylum, "Black Gold"
When Bill Clinton clinched the election in 1992, I was livid. Imagine a 16-year-old Republican North African American grunge afficionado drinking coffee and thinking he's having a heart attack. Is your brain broken yet?
MTV had an Inaugural Ball for Clinton's victory in January of '93. The country seemed energized by this, particularly the youth vote, which came out in droves.
Acts like REM, 10,000 Maniacs and Soul Asylum performed at this show. Before Dave Pirner became Kevin Smith's go-to soundtrack session man, he was the face of a youth movement free from the shackles of Bush Sr.
This inaugural insanity was contagious: I was actually interested to see what Clinton would do. It was the Motor Voter bill that facilated my voter registration a year later.
I hope everyone feels the same rapture and catharsis tomorrow when Obama wins that I felt when I heard this in January of '93.
MTV had an Inaugural Ball for Clinton's victory in January of '93. The country seemed energized by this, particularly the youth vote, which came out in droves.
Acts like REM, 10,000 Maniacs and Soul Asylum performed at this show. Before Dave Pirner became Kevin Smith's go-to soundtrack session man, he was the face of a youth movement free from the shackles of Bush Sr.
This inaugural insanity was contagious: I was actually interested to see what Clinton would do. It was the Motor Voter bill that facilated my voter registration a year later.
I hope everyone feels the same rapture and catharsis tomorrow when Obama wins that I felt when I heard this in January of '93.
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