Hey DJ Who Leaked Icky Thump...

Don't act like you be surpreezeed that Jack White got mad you leaked his album. Yeah, I said it, Jack White's album. It's as much Meg's album as it is Mark McGrath's.

Here are some other things that may, believe it or not, put Whitey in the throes of homicidal rage:

- Screaming "Detroit what" at his kitten's funeral.

- Describing his music as a mix between Smashing Pumpkins and Zwan.

- Giving him a drive-by manicure at a strip mall.

- Locking him in a charnel house. Yup, that alone will do it.

One of these has a Pepsi Rewards bottle cap*


- Saying he's too "white," hyena laughing it up and giving off one of those fucking grating post-guffaw sighs that let everyone know your laugh has come to an end. Really, your quasi-epileptic seizure is over now? Good cuz without the sigh you would be perpetually laughing. No, go ahead, sigh it up you brazen laugh whore.

- Thinking about your doorbell. Don't do it. You just did it.

- When he finally gets in your face, breaking the tension by saying "I guess a 'Seven Nation Army' can't hold you back. Hyuk hyuk sigh."

- Calling him at 5:30 in the morning like a coked-up tranny talking about your favorite Family Guy episode.

- Telling him he's the cutest Stroke.

* Photo courtesy of Meneldur through CC license