What Ahmadinejad Said Off-Stage At Columbia University

Yeah, we all know, Ahmadinejad, president of Iran, said there are no gays in Iran and that the Holocaust didn’t happen during his little press junket at Columbia University. But if you think that was shocking, you have no idea what was overheard coming out of his bilious, hairy mouth when he toured the rest of the campus.

Student Union: We don’t have wacky, college humor newspapers in Iran. Well, except for The HA!-locaust. It’s like our version of The Onion with funny fake news stories about the fake Holocaust

Library: We have no Internet in Iran. Only Sega CDs with looped footage of my speeches.


What is this Night Trap you speak of?


Science Building: Oh, so that’s what uranium is. I thought it was an aquarium filled with piss.

Frat Party: Awww, man. Why you gotta lip the blunt like that? It’s like you’re an Iranian male prostitute swallowing the firm, thick, veiny penis of a tough Middle Eastern leader who likes wearing Member’s Only jackets. What?


You ladies really need to wash your burkas. Am I right, fellas?