RIP John Updike

Pulitzer-prize winning writer John Updike, 76, died of lung cancer. Known best for his "Rabbit" series (Rabbit, Run as well as Rabbit Redux) as well as his New Yorker short stories, the man has written some hilarious works. Pick up Fierce Pajamas for some classic parodies, essays and comic verse.

In June of '06, I wrote a blog post linking to his philippic against the dense, scattered verbiage of the Internet. Most intersting line:

The electronic marvels that abound around us serve, surprisingly, to inflame what is most informally and noncritically human about us — our computer screens stare back at us with a kind of giant, instant "Aw, shucks," disarming in its modesty, disquieting in its diffidence.

But is it the Internet's fault or does most writing seem bland compared to Updike's muscular, poignant prose?

Great Comedy Show Catches Me In "What's Up With That" Pose

Living Room is one of the best produced comedy shows in NYC. Produced by Abbi Crutchfield and Luke Thayer, the show runs every other Friday at Postmark Cafe in Park Slope. I hosted this past Friday and had a blast.

Wait for it.

What's up with that?

Confessions of a Teen Idol Invents New Professions

On the VH-1 Celebreality show, Cooper Lawrence is a fame therapist who helps the washed-up hopefuls get back on track to fame.

I never knew fame therapists existed. Does that mean when a fame therapist says "your time is up," she's talking about your career?

Thank you, I'll be at Ochi's Lounge this Wednesday at 7:30 in the basement of Comix.

Third Anniversary Of This Blog (One Day Off)

Three years ago (January 12, 2006) I started this blog. Now, in addition to my Apiary and Dead Frog writings, I have since appeared on MTV.Com, had an open mike at Rififi, done WAY MORE SHOWS than I have before (please check upcoming shows), got a write-up in The Comic's Comic, become the announcer for a hot show at Soundfix Records in Williamsburg called Comedy Free Williamsburg and produced a monthly show at Ochi's called Intermission.

In short, I've done everything but blog.

Here are some highlights from the past three annual cycles:

2006

First Blog Post Ever

Kidz Bop Trend

New Hip Hop Subcultures

2007

The Rudest Pan-Asian Cuisine Menu


Worst Funk Awards


1990: Worst Year In Pop Music History?

2008

Not Only Is It Super Tuesday

Mo Diggs As Guy Ernest

Hug Orgy

Notice how everything's in threes (third anniversary)? Happy birthday to blog!

Remembrance of Videos Past #63: Diamond Shell Featuring Biz Markie, "Oh What A Night"

Nothing like Biz Markie singin' some off-key Franki Valli.

Top Ten Emerging Comics (Besides Myself Of Course)

Yes, I am like Lenny Bruce meets Trout Mask Replica-era Captain Beefheart but enough about me; AskMen.com has a list of the Top Ten Emerging Comics. Side note: one of them is Sean Patton, a funny guy who was kind enough to put me up on his show, Comedy As A Second Language, at Kabin back in August. Congrats to Sean and everyone else. Let's hope these guys succeed, not Christian racist puppeteers.

I McNugget Love This Video

I don't know what this says about me,but no R&B song speaks my language than this torrid, epic torch song about secret, selfish McNugget love. Try not to have liquid shoot out your nose during that "Girl you got a ten piece now don't be stingy" line.

Happy Holidays!

I'll be back 1/2/09!

Reason For Medicare Crisis

Sorry miss, we can't pay for that double mastectomy-hold on, got another call. Penis pump? Just say the word GO! and we totes have that covered. Wait hold on, another call: yes we do cover hookers that taste like pink lemonade but that might go towards your deductible-wait hold on, another call; no I did not know that my tax payer dollars are being used to subsidize the sex lives of gullible blue hairs."

The Third Annual Jim Belushi Unfunny Awards

Belushi For Least Funny Song: "Lying (The Barack Hussein Obama Song)"

There have been so few unfunny songs this year I had to search "Obama parody" on YouTube to find this stinker. I could have searched "Palin Eats An Ugly Singing Baby" and topped this but I could not endure further research. This is sung to the tune of "Crying" by Roy Orbison. Enjoy the epithets in the comments!




Belushi For Least Funny Viral Video: "Macy's Thankgiving Parade Day Rick Roll"

Rick Rolls in general make me Rick Roll my eyes but this one, in which Astley actually humiliates himself on a float, is too miserable for words. "Ha, I'm hip with the joke. I get the opposite effect of the RickRoll in the mirror; I expect to see myself and instead I am shocked by the spectral image of the Ghost Of Blue Eyed Soul Past."


Belushi For Least Funny Movie: Beverly Hills Chihuaha

Didn't see it. Maybe would have if it were at least called Beverly Chills Chillhuaha and it were directed by Greg Johnson.



The Belushi For Least Funny Show: Two And A Half Men


Whenever I visit my mom and my stepfather, they watch this and get mad at me for going to the computer room because I do not spend enough time with them. When I recently bashed this show at an open mike, some people were upset that I didn't like it. Not only does this three-camera monstrosity suck, but it is driving a wedge between me and the people I love.

The Belushi For Least Funny Stand-Up: Jeff Dunham

And he is the worst comic yet. At least Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia use words. Not since Carrot Top has stand-up been so brazenly travestied.


Belushi For Least Funny Sketch Comedy: Frank TV


Second year in a row. TBS, you have a lot of explaining to do. Can't you do an UnLeno and move him to late night? Or eaaarly morning.Or Turn Off Your TV Day.

Belushi For Least Funny Website: Ebaum's World

The only three time winner on this blog for best AND worst comedy.

The Big Belushi For '08: Jeff Dunham

Jeff Dunham's Christmas special this year got more viewers than a South Park episode that was inexplicably popular as well. The most viewers Comedy Central has ever had.

Stella and Dog Bites Man got canceled but this makes CC history.
Jack Bauer, You've Let Us Down

Funniest Things Of 2008

Funniest Song Of '08: "Nutmeg," by John Legend on A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All

For the past two years rap was the genre to mine for guaranteed laughs. This year, it was a silky, sexy R&B song about one of the most universally tantalizing spices that made me bust my nut gut.



Funniest Viral Video Of '08: "Keeping Your Refrigerator Stocked Will Get You Many Women"

Not only was this year's funniest viral made by an amateur (not a professional like last year's "Landlord"), but it was made by a genuine revolutionary. For nearly a century it was assumed that the funny happened on-camera not behind the camera. Not from an exuberant cameraman. Not from an overexcited auteur who teaches you how to get laid with a well-stocked fridge. Fun fact: black people don't like bleu cheese.




Funniest Movie Of '08: Role Models
David Wain has directed the funniest film for the second year in a row (last year he directed The Ten). Try these lines out for size: "I didn't know Jews can sing;" "Fuck you, Miss Daisy;" "Suck it, 'Reindeer Games'!"



Funniest Show of '08: 30 Rock

The first two-time winner in this blog's history: "I wish I had a Princeton reunion now, wipe that smug smile off Michelle Obama's face."



Funniest Comedian 0f '08: THREE-WAY-TIE-Paul F. Tompkins, Todd Barry, Brian Regan

Check out Best Week Ever With Paul F. Tompkins, Todd Barry's From Heaven and Brian Regan's The Epitome Of Hyperbole and try to choose which one is the best. I'd rather not do the work. Here's the best bit of the year from Brian Regan's special:




Funniest Sketch Group Of '08: Stella

The reunion of the decade



Funniest Website Of '08: College Humor

Between Hardly Working and their live stand-up videos from their NYC show, College Humor has become the NBC of the web.

Funniest Blog Post I've Written This Year:
Not Only Is It Super Tuesday

PREVIOUSLY:
'07

'06

Thanksgiving With The Obamas

Imagine your mom slapping President-Elect Barack Obama's hand when he reaches for the check, insisting that she pay for a Thanksgiving dinner at the Waldorf Astoria with the Obamas, the Bidens, Obama's Cabinet picks and their respective families, the Secret Service agents, your family and your live-in partner only to find out from a mousy waitress that all three of your mom's credit cards are maxed out.

And that's not even the most awkward part of the dinner.

Barack's BlackBerry Gossip

HOT!

Hangin with Barack and will.i.am

NOTE: will.i.am NOT cool

My Day With Obama

Here's the first post for my new blog, My Day With Obama. We TOTALLY hung out today.

Remembrance Of Videos Past #62: Sagat, "Funk Dat"

Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock and Rodney Dangerfield have all released songs. Yet none of them are funnier or more emblematic of stand-up comedy than this left-field early '90s lost gem of hip-hop silly. Dropped in 1994, Beavis and Butthead roasted this video, comparing the rapper to 60 Minutes curmudgeon Andy Rooney.

The format of the song:

Sagat says "Question"
Then he bemoans a daily nuisance (getting flyered in the street, pointless phone conversations) in question form.
Then he screams "Funk Dat!" as a nameless little boy with an eyepatch dances and kicks things.


I would love to see some comic update this song.

Question:
Why is it that when you get a gift on FaceBook it's all virtual and shit?
Man FUNK DAT!

If only hip-hop-or any "indie" artist-were this creative and unpretentious today.

Celebrity Knock Knock Jokes

I wouldn't want to do these onstage but I don't want to throw them away either. Give me any celebrity/famous person/famous fictional character and I will make a knock-knock joke for you!

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Joe the Plumber.
Joe the Plumber who?
Funny, that's what John McCain said earlier.


I'll never sell those chocolates now!

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin who?
Sarah Palin, the grandmother of your illegitimate child.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Justin Timberlake.
Justin Timberlake who?
C'mon Dad! It's Thanksgiving!

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Mark Wahlberg.
Mark Wahlberg who?
I didn't mean to knock on the door. Just wearing "Dirk's Diggler" again.

This Is Why You Love Me

via Chuckle Dumper

.

An Obama Anthem From The '80s

Get ready to laugh and barf (larf).

Video Of Me Starting A Group Hug During News Of Obama's Victory