If You're In New York And You Want To See Me...

I usually don't promote upcoming shows on this blog but I am REALLY excited about these next two shows.

TONIGHT: I am doing Monday Night Stand-Up at Pete's Candy Store. The show is hosted and produced by the lovely and high-larious (especially on 4/20)Jennifer Dzuria. Also featuring:

Tim Ellis has a one-man show called, "An Inquiry Into Human Understanding." I went to go see it to make sure it didn't have too much in common with my own philosophy-oriented one-woman show. Fortunately, Tim had never donated his eggs to a gay man.

Cody Hess is from Texas. According to his MySpace page, his heroes include his parents, and "cowboys."

Jeff Kreisler is a winner of the Bill Hicks Spirit Award for Thought Provoking Comedy and was a writer for Comedy Central's Indecision2008.

Becky Yamamoto has a really awesome-looking website.



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Don't forget Intermission-the show I produce with Matt Nagin-this Wednesday (4/22) 7:30-9 at Ochi's Lounge in the basement of Comix (14th and 9th). I am hosting and man do we have a line-up that will leave laugh scars-let alone laugh lines-on your face.

HILLARY SCHWARTZ (MTV)
IAN JENSEN (Botanica, Joe Franklin's)
GABE PACHECO (Haiku Show)
MIKE KRAMER (featured Daily News, NYC Underground Fest., Dutch TV)
MATT NAGIN (featured NY Post, host Intermission)
EL BOB (clubs, colleges)
TODD MONTESSI (Ug!)
CHESLEY CALLOWAY (Kabin Show)
Musical guest Michelle Leona!

NO COVER! 1 ITEM MINIMUM!

The Absolutes Of Mo

One of the most difficult things in any artistic endeavor is finding your voice: what makes you you? I came up with a list of absolutes-of things that are immutable, that have been true practically all my life-as an exercise to see what makes Mo Diggs Mo than just Diggs.


- I hate mayonnaise: Since I was eight years old, I have been repulsed by the idea of mayonnaise. How much? If my girlfriend started to eat mayonnaise I would break up with her. If you covered all my cash with mayonnaise I would throw it in the vicinity of a homeless person. If you told me my brain had mayonnaise in it, I would learn how to give myself a lobotomy on YouTube.

- I love Queen and Led Zeppelin Folks, I've been through many musical phases: metal; indie rock; electroclash; intelligent dance music; conscious backpacker hip-hop; soundtrack music. Through it all I've never changed the station/pressed "next" on the iPod when a Queen or Led Zeppelin song comes on. This doesn't exactly make me look cool: both bands were the alpha and omega of overproduced hi-fi stadium rock.

Fuck electroclash


- I will always love the feeling of getting out of work This does not mean I do not like work. The downside of unemployment is that the whole day becomes relatively uneventful. At 5 pm on a workday I get out of work. Joy! At 5 pm on a weekend I check my e-mail for the billionth time.

What are YOUR absolutes?

MySpace: Most Ghetto Website Eva

If the Internet is like a highway of information, then the MySpace exit is one huge web ghetto.

- Every other girl is a cyber ho propositioning you for her cyber services.

- No matter where you look you see a shirtless thug.

- Shitty music is blasting out of shitty speakers.

- Everything is all dilapidated with ghastly MySpace graffiti.


There's even Tom, the cranky MySpace landlord. "OK we know there are problems-STOP WITH THE EMAILS! You get what you pay for!"


What's the crack of MySpace? MySpace. No matter how hard I try, I can't get out of the ghetto.

Joke Junkie #3:

Today's headlines, tomorrow's jokes

Industry experts say digital 3D is the future of cinema. Which means viewers may be literally blinded by Dr. Manhattan's giblets.

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A prison officer was fired after befriending inmates on Facebook. No word on whether he will face charges for poking the inmates.

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A scientific study shows that semen makes women happier. In other news, Monica Lewinsky says her blue dress brings back happy memories.

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STREET JOKE OF THE DAY: An ad man walks into a bar. He rolled his eyes at the patrons and told his friend "This place sold out. It's way too commercial."
Call the bowler's union and tell them there's a STRIKE!

Today's Topic: Topical Jokes

Here's Louis CK's take on topical jokes (Boston Comedy via Sandpaper Suit):

"I just don't do that. It has a shelf life, and… I don't care about current events. They're hit so hard by comedians. That whole thing of, 'Hey, what the hell…' you know, 'And the eight babies lady…' You know, Jesus. And fucking enough. It's the most boring part of our national conversation, is the five headlines. You can't tell the news from Entertainment Tonight anymore. It's just a bummer. And I think it's one of the most boring aspects of stand-up, and it's just me being really harsh, is just the feeding on that shit. And taking the, 'Here's my take on it.' Oh, okay, that's about three degrees different from what Conan said, and Leno said, and Letterman said, and Jon Stewart, and Dennis Miller, and Spike Feresten, and Jimmy Kimmel, and Jimmy Fallon. And the columnist, and the Onion. And a bunch of bloggers...Your take on the Octomom, you somehow found a little territory in there that was just yours. And I really wish you had thought about something about yourself instead."

Now here's MY TAKE:

I don't know if you've noticed but the past few days I've been writing topical jokes. Why on earth would I do this? Two reasons:

a) As a joke-writing exercise
b) It's amazing practice for television writing

The truth is, there is ZERO money in alternative comedy. You either make money as an actor or a writer. I don't have a Johnny Hollywood Good Time Charlie face, so I may as well hone my writing chops.

That said, I would stay away from telling topical jokes onstage. Stand-up, more than any other form of comedy, is about honing and sharpening the same material. Granted, I don't feel you need to tell the same five jokes at EVERY show (I just realized this recently, so apologies to my fellow comedy colleagues) but it really is hard to let go of jokes that have the shelf life of one loopy afternoon at work.

RECAP:

Topical jokes: great for blogs/Twitter, but a waste of time onstage.

Joke Junkie #2

Today's headlines, tomorrow's jokes
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Today is St Patrick's Day, a magical day in which all the streets are sprinkled with golden showers.
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A German company courts controversy with Obama Fingers, which are fried chicken tenders. The company halted production of Sanjay Gupta Dots.
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The latest Details issue has Yankee Alex Rodriguez kissing his mirror image. He was reportedly frustrated that he only got to first base.
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A man on the lam posed as his dead brother for 20 years. Police became suspicious when the man told police "I am my dead brother. BAH!"
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iPhone now has copy and paste function. No word yet on whether iPhone will have "save money and stop buying trendy gadgets" function.
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STREET JOKE OF THE DAY: A 9/11 conspiracy theorist walks into a bar. He says "Let me get a hot toddy-make sure it's Farenheit 9/11."
Tell the short-order cook at Denny's that's a grand slam!

Joke Junkie #1

Here are today's jokes from today's headlines:

Guantanamo inmates no longer "enemy combatants." They are now being called "livestock."

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MacGyver is being made into a movie. In the spirit of MacGyver, the filmmakers plan on using rudimentary materials to make a certified bomb.

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iPhone is the big hit at SXSW. Like most of the concertgoers, the iPhone was both sleek and unwashed

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HBO greenlit a series about history of film by David Chase, maker of The Sopranos. When asked who will star in it, David Chase abruptly turned into a black screen.

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Josef Fritzl, accused of imprisoning his daughter and fathering her children, has pleaded guilty to rape and incest but not guilty to murder. "I'm not a monster," Fritzl added.
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STREET JOKE OF THE DAY:

A 9/11 conspiracy theorist walks into a bar. He orders a rum and coke. The bartender says, "It comes out to 12 dollars." The conspiracy theorist said, "Sorry, I only have loose change."

CHERRY, CHERRY, CHERRY, JACKPOT!

LCS, Gotham Non-Renewals=No One Cares About Stand-Up

According to The Comic's Comic (please donate), Last Comic Standing and Live At Gotham appear to be headed toward the out door.

Startling coincidence: last night, Chris Laker said that before he was a comic, no one would talk to him about Premium Blend because only comics watch that show. So is stand-up comedy really becoming incestuous? A vanity press for the most fragile egos?

If so, then I embrace this trend in cancellations. As Jeff Kreisler rightfully said in the comments for the blog post, "This could be good thing. Maybe without the TV outlets for 'younger'/'greener' comics, these comics can focus less on developing a TV set, and more on developing themselves."

The short of it: we may have avoided a COMEDY BUST!

Comedy Bust

Two Things About The Watchmen

It was very good but lemme say two things:

1) Awful soundtrack from start to finish. The extended remix of Bob Dylan's "The Times They Are A Changin'" was terrible. And My Chemical Romance at the end? NERD RAGE! (/sarcasm)

2) Now that the movie is out, douchebags have opinions about Watchmen. When Watchmen was a graphic novel only smart people had opinions of the film. Criticisms were well thought out. When I went to see this film, at the end I overheard some hapless fucktard say, "Why did they show the blue guy's junk?"

I can imagine the conversation with his friends on the way home:

"If I stopped bangin' the Silk Spectre my balls would be blue too!"

"IMAX doesn't make everything bigger!"



Dr. Manhattan making a house call for Smurfette

My Twitter Listed As One Of Funniest

By whom? Kevin Tor, an up-and-coming comic whose video was listed in Apiary's New Video Wednesday.

My Twitter is up there with Pete Holmes, Mike Drucker and Sara Benincasa. Look at the sidebar for my Twitter.

Better yet:

Me

Kevin Tor

Fuck You Your Blog Sucks Too

Mark My Blog Words: Eddie Murphy To Come Back In Major Fucking Way

First this news: Eddie Murphy returns to stand up

Now Eddie Murphy plays Richard Pryor in upcoming biopic!

Hopefully Eddie won't wear a fat suit and white pancake makeup to play Louie Anderson.

And The Name Of The Band Is...

from Buzzfeed: New meme: here's a totally random way to make your new random band's new random album cover. Post one! Go to “Wikipedia.” Hit “random” and the first article you get is the name of your band. Then go to “Random Quotations” and the last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album. Then, go to Flickr and click on “Explore the Last Seven Days” and the third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.


BAND: The Further Adventures Of Lord Quas

FIRST ALBUM: "Grasping, Uncooperative, Egotistic, And Calculating"

Album Cover:

I Am Totally Amazing In This Slumdog Millionaire Parody

Unfortunately I did not write it. That honor belongs to the wonderful Abbi Crutchfield.

Oh and her fiancee/comedian pal Luke Thayer has a really funny wig.

ACTION!

I Post; You Decide

Is this good? I'm at work and can't watch videos. So I leave it up to you the reader: IS THIS FUNNY?

Funny McSweeney's Piece From Ed Murray

My comedy friend Ed Murray is leaving for Seattle on Friday. Read his hilarious piece on why he'll never be a comic here and come to Soundfix tonight to send him off!

Comedy Free Williamsburg
@ Sound Fix 8pm

FEATURING
DC Benny (Comedy Central's Premium Blend)
Chris Laker (Gettin' Some)
Jamie Lee (NYUCF Emerging Comics Contest Runner-Up)
Lee Camp (Huffington Post, 23/6)
Pete Holmes (Live at Gotham)
Sean O'Conner (This American Life)

Hosted by Ed Murray (McSweeney's, Sirius Radio)
w/Mo Diggs (The Apiary)

110 Bedford Ave/N 11th
L to Bedford, G to Nassau

I've Seen The Future Of TV Show Adverts And It Is....

...previews for sketches. Important Things With Demetri Martin looks AMAZING. If Tim And Eric is what an Andy Kaufman sketch show would look like, this is like a Steve Martin Chappelle Show. Unlike most promos which show whole sketches (Human Giant) or whole episodes (Flight of the Conchords), Comedy Central is showing trailers for individual sketches. Since this one made laugh out loud, I'm showing this one. Bad acting=good times.

Important Things with Demetri MartinWed 10:30pm / 9:30c

Preview - Anger Management

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As an Arab-American, I can relate to Sayid from Lost bombing as a stand-up

Hey Burger King...

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RIP John Updike

Pulitzer-prize winning writer John Updike, 76, died of lung cancer. Known best for his "Rabbit" series (Rabbit, Run as well as Rabbit Redux) as well as his New Yorker short stories, the man has written some hilarious works. Pick up Fierce Pajamas for some classic parodies, essays and comic verse.

In June of '06, I wrote a blog post linking to his philippic against the dense, scattered verbiage of the Internet. Most intersting line:

The electronic marvels that abound around us serve, surprisingly, to inflame what is most informally and noncritically human about us — our computer screens stare back at us with a kind of giant, instant "Aw, shucks," disarming in its modesty, disquieting in its diffidence.

But is it the Internet's fault or does most writing seem bland compared to Updike's muscular, poignant prose?