The College Of William And Mary-Juana

Speaking of alma maters, I went to Stony Brook University. I'm glad they went with the subtle drug reference. They could have called themselves Crack Cocaine Community College, with a NCAA Division III team called The Eagle Has Landed and a school song entitled "Tore Up On Cough Syrup With Codeine Again." Or they could have gone with a more obvious drug name like Berkeley.

Now I never tried drugs before I went to college, but you can't avoid pot while going to Stony Brook. That's like going to Smack My Bitch Up University and not listening to Prodigy.

The school team was called the Patriots but they changed their name to the Seawolves in the '90s. Imagine how that meeting went down:

They may seem to be clean-cut American patriot do-gooders, but we all know they shape shift into bloodthirsty marauding canine predators from the deep. This bowl is kicked.



Stony Brook is known for its medical program (read: medical marijuana-W00T!)

The most famous alum from Stony Brook is comedian Joy Behar. The second most famous alum is another comedian...me. Both of us are comedians because the only thing you learn at Stony B is how to smoke dope and crack wise.