Monday, April 10, 2006

Alternative Universe

In the '90s, "alternative" referred to two things: rock and lifestyle (the latter a euphemism for the gay sex).

At the turn of the century, hipsters can enjoy alternative porn (Suicide Girls), alternative comedy, alternative toothpaste (Tom's), alternative food (organic vegetables), alternative news, alternative religion (Taoism).

There are some things that have no alternative though. Here's my list of things to sell in the growing alternative niche market:

Alternative Toilets

Of course your local municipality will con you into thinking you need indoor plumbing. But wouldn't a Port-a-Potty go well with that retro turntable you've got? With a Port-a-Potty in your house, everyday can feel like SXSW.

Alternative Dental Care


Destined to be a big hit at Wilco concerts, guys wait in the parking lot with nitrous tanks. After giving you a righteous whiff of the giddy gas, some guy named Rocco knocks your tooth out for that kitsch "white trash" look. Mullet sold separately.



Alternative BBW Parties

Good news: It's possible to have BBW parties where not all the girls listen to rap and act like thug bitches. There are rubenesque hipsters who like The Pixies and Pere Ubu.

Bad news: These girls are skinny performance artists in fat suits doing a
networked art flash-mob, where all these "fat" actresses write online diaries afterwards of what it's like to be fat. After realizing they stole the idea from Tyra Banks, they commit mass suicide.



Alternative Real Estate

Tired of gentrifying all of NY's cheap neighborhoods? Hipsters can squat in abandoned warehouses and smoke crack, pushing out the homeless who live in these hovels. Indie fanboys can use their Blackberries to tell each other about the hottest abandoned warehouses and hipsters can slum it, throwing hipster parties at night and sleeping during the day. Where will the homeless live? In your brand-new alternative toilet!

1 comment:

Maria Maria said...

Alternate Universe (often abbreviated as "AU") is a descriptor used to characterize fanworks which change one or more elements of the source work's canon. The term most often refers to fanfic, but fanart can also invoke AU tropes (for example, steampunk versions of universes). Constructed reality, a term used in Vidding, is essentially the visual counterpart to AUs in written fanfic. AU fanworks cover a great deal of creative territory. The most strictly defined AUs may diverge from their source canons in a single specific way (for example, a Star Wars AU in which the first Death Star is not destroyed, a Merlin AU in which Merlin comes to Camelot as an agent of Nimueh, or a Castle AU in which Johanna Beckett was not murdered). More broadly, an AU may transplant a given source work's characters to a radically different setting, shift the genre in which their adventures occur, and/or alter their professions and goals, such as those popularized in the Xena: Warrior Princess "Uber" genre. Fortunately for purposes of classification, a large proportion of AU fanworks fall into recognizable subgroups. medico online doctor online psicólogo online veterinario online abogado online abogado España online abogado chile online abogado costa rica online psiquiatra online mecanico onlineNor is the concept of AUs restricted to fanworks. A growing number of commercial story-universes have incorporated AU elements to one degree or another in the source canon itself, and some of these have developed specific fan followings of their own. Among the most notable are comics publishers including DC (Elseworlds) and Marvel (What If...?), Star Trek (as early as TOS, in the episode Mirror, Mirror, and more recently with its Myriad Universes anthologies), and Supernatural (episodes in which supernatural creatures put Dean and Sam in various alternate universes, including one where they're swapped with actors Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki).