Wednesday, August 23, 2006


One more reason to hate Dane Cook: his sex scene with Jessica Alba in the upcoming motion picture "Formulaic Test-Marketed Comercial and Artistic Failure" caused her to lose a tooth.
Despite such an embarassing admission, I am skeptical of the cause. His name is Dane Cook, so maybe the last name is a nickname and they were cooking up some coke in the trailer together. After all, she must be on crack if she's so clueless about how "Good Luck, Chuck" is a potential career killer.

Here are some other possible reasons why Alba lost the tooth:

* he got a steel wang after losing his in a "swordfight" with Robert Kelly on "Tourgasm"

* they kept banging their heads against cinder blocks until one of them stopped saying "dude"

* he cooked a rubber chicken for her as a prank

* he wanted to use the tooth as a horn for his model unicorn

* Jessica Simpson wouldn't give him any and he took it out on the wrong Jessica

* he was building a celebrity tooth necklace

* because Dane Crook is a fucking spaz

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