Mo’s History of American Alternative Comedy

Check out this great Dead Frog Series I'm writing all week.

Part 1

Part 2

Stay tuned for part 3 later today!

Canadians: Are They "Da New Niggaz"?

Anybody can post videos from the usual suspects (Tim and Eric, Whitest Kids U Know) but how about fresh new faces from the comedy underground? Check out this video featuring Todd Montesi, Joe Maywalt, Calvin Cato, Tom Nevin, Ruben Mehta, Matt Nagin, Bodger Millard and many others.

Zen Jokewriting Journal #5

I was inspired by Matt Ruby's post to "keep speaking no matter what." In this case, writing.

My muscles are tense and my belly feels like it is full of honey and heartache. Death seems like sleep to me: I need it. I feel like I'm death deprived. I really need to die-been awake too long. Led Zeppelin and birds. Mandolins. Mandolins have a nice trilling sound. For a metal band Zep used a lot of mandolins. They used a pan flute too right? I wanna do that. Do excessive cock comedy and piss off the hipsters. Blech my ear is itchy.

My mom made me shave my beard. I wanted to keep it but she wouldn't stop her Rosie Perez yelp. This piercing shriek. The shriek gives you power but people don't like you. It's kind of like having nukes-everyone fears you no one likes you.

Outer bor-

You know what? Even food is being hit by the recession. Food. Even McDonald's-the service economy-is being hit. You may have trouble getting a job at McDonald's. Ear hair.

At least I can catch up on my death when I'm unemployed.

Ahh, that's bleak.

I'm just sayin, death like sleep

Coma

that sounds good

So does Sizzlers

Sizzlers would put me in a coma.

Itchiness

Death has to get rid of itchiness right

Coffee makes me feel guilty'

I wonder how much coffee Hitler drank

Did he play Mandolins
and piss off hippies

He was a vegetarian

Nyah nyah

My wrists

My wrists need rest
Eternal rest

Remembrance of Videos Past #57: Motley Crue, "You're All I Need"

No one's more tired of being ironically dismissive of hair metal than I am. But this is a deep cut like no other.

When I was 14 in 1990 and I first heard this power ballad, Motley Crue's "You're All I Need" off 1987's Girls, Girls, Girls, my whole moral foundation was shaken. Vince Neil sings about stabbing his girlfriend in the heart because she doesn't love him. Talk about a kiss-off. I stared at the lyrics in the liner notes that came with the cassette tape, trying in vain to read between the lines. I even asked my friend Bill if Vince Neil meant it. Bill was like "He wants to kill her-that's hilarious. Why aren't you laughing you pussy." So I laughed it off.

Here we are, nearly twenty years later, and I find this song on YouTube. This song is like the national anthem...of a nation called White Trash...ica. You thought you've read the worst YouTube comments, check out this little hosanna here:


this video is soo sweet! i mean this song is about a man and he loves this girl so much that he would kill her so no one else could have her, i think thats pretty remarkable how motley crue put that into a great song!!!! MOTLEY FUCKIN CRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nothing says love like being driven by a smoldering murderous rage and thrusting a steak knife into your girlfriend's left ventricle.

3 Things I Learned The Hard Way

Comedian/friend Abbi Crutchfield (who did my show [Comedy Ain't Noise Pollution] on April 12) asked me to discuss 3 things I learned the hard way. Here goes:


1) Crack is Wack



One time I was dating this white trash belle. I walked in on her neighbor's garage. They were huddled around a blunt. I smoked some with them and stared out into the swampland. I turned around and they were rolling another blunt with crack rocks in it. They offered it to me and I said "No thanks, I don't smoke crack." D Rock said "It's not crack, it's coke. Plus you just smoked it." TA-DA!!!! So I realized I didn't like crack...$180 later that night.

2)Never Go To A Chain Restaurant By Yourself

You look like a creep. The hostess says "Party of ONE?!" The waitress says "Hey guys" to you and feels embarrassed. The other tables think you are a creep. You have to spend a LONG time avoiding eye contact with the other patrons. Don't get me started on DRINKING alone at Chili's with Bread playing on the PA.

3) Never Tell A Girl You Have A Crush On That You're Suicidal


In high school I had a crush on this girl named Gina. Her friend told me she was suicidal but told me not to tell her he told me so. Can you say COMMON INTERESTS?

I would call her and say "I'm suicidal. Sometimes I don't know why I go on." She said "Um...that's nice." I called her the next day and said "You don't get it. I'm really suicidal. Here's a poem I wrote." A few months later of this, I was called into the principal's office and had to see a psychiatrist. MORAL OF THE STORY: Never tell a girl you'll die for her more than once.

Jokes I Hope Chris Rock Does Not Tell Opening For Metallica

Yes, we know, indie comedians are getting love at indie rock shows. But is this really the next logical step?

Now, Bonnaroo is trying to up its own ante, slotting its first comedian for the main stage at the 2008 event in mid-June. Chris Rock will perform right before Metallica, to what Farman estimates should be 70,000-80,000 people.

It's your move, Chris Rock. You can either tell funny jokes or make shitty Metallica jokes. Call me paranoid, but these are the jokes I'm afraid you'll come up with:

You know shit is fucked up when a bunch of white people is beating each other up and screaming "Master, Master."

Color our world blackened? Shit, you can't even color Brooklyn blackened anymore!

All daddy would get was the big piece of blackened chicken.

Fans called their self-titled 1991 album The Black Album. I call it "the white trash album."

My Wall Street Journal

If you don't read HuffPo or Digg, you may not have heard of a naked Ann Coulter in a satirical newspaper that a thin-skinned media mogul does not want you to read (no, not Hugh Hefner).

Want to rankle Rupert Murdoch like a festering boil? BUY THIS PAPER (before his people buy all copies)!

Comedy Ain't Noise Pollution TOMORROW

Content Is Not King

Rule numero uno to making a viral: content is not king (via Medium)



Same can be said for comedy: content is not as important as form. The punchline must be louder than the set-up.

Example:

Guatemalan president Jacobo Arbenz was outsted in a coup d'etat led by the CIA...IN 1954!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Remembrance of Videos Past #56: Ugly Kid Joe, "Neighbor"

What was the link between SNL and Ugly Kid Joe? "Everything About You" was in "Wayne's World." And in this video a fear-stricken Pat hides from the new noisy metal neighbors next door.

Ugly Kid Joe, like SNL, have an adolescent appeal about them. Teens who could not go to bars would watch SNL live and giggle at Hans and Frans. Ugly Kid Joe had the most sophomoric lyrics imaginable. "Everything About You" may be the most popular hate rock song in history. "Neighbor" 's chorus distorts the Mr. Rogers theme and has the protagonist picking his toe jam and smelling his socks.

If any early '90s metal bridge will remind you of what a loser you are, try this:

"I drink, and I stink
I smoke, I'm a joke"

There is a whiff of revolution in this song: white trash lowering the property value. I would pay to watch families like this gentrify Brooklyn. Imagine Ugly Kid Joe scaring an androgynous hipster who looks like Pat?

This video is like a shitty blockbuster comedy without the shitty blockbuster comedy (unless you count this).

I HOPE I DIDN'T RUIN YOUR DAY!

My Blog

FOLDING LAUNDRY

I helped my girlfriend fold my laundry. I don't believe it's the woman's duty to do domestic chores, I subconsciously assume they are supposed to. My unconscious tells me things and I can't answer back because I am unconscious of it. An unconscious message is like a fart: you don't know where it came from, so after a while you assume it's you.

MCDONALD'S CHEESEBURGERS

McDonald's has the bacon and cheese angus. Great stuff but today I settled for dollar value cheeseburgers. Nothing says "recession" like diced onions.

I DID, DIDN'T I
I dropped my pants during my set last night. Everyone laughed. But me.

Lose '08

Here's a clip of me on MTV's Choose or Lose talking about our new legally blunt governor. When my pal Sara Benincasa interviewed me, I was armed with a quip:

"I think Paterson should do OK because he doesn't have a Muslim-sounding name. If his middle name is 'Death to America' or 'Jihadigan' he's on his own."

Here's what made the cut:



"I sincerely hope he does well and I hope he restores faith in the office of governor." That was in reponse to the question "Do you think Paterson will restore faith in the office of governor." This was also before he admitted to snorting yayo and cheating on his wife. Just when you think things couldn't get more Orwellian, here I am sounding like a hapless fucktard cheerleader for New York State.

One time I was riding with my friend and he told me to stop because he saw a celebrity midget whose name he didn't know. I don't know what's worse: that he told me to stop to look at a celebrity midget or that he did not know said celebrity midget's name.

I fear one day there will be a Mo Diggs sighting and someone will say "Hey isn't that the fat North African American mouthpiece for the police state?"

I do comedy in the village for bohemians and skinny indie rock fans. Do you know how much this skews my demographic? I only have one potential fan now: David Paterson. And he can't legally see my act.

- This blog post was paid for by friends of David Paterson.

Iraq War Like Dane Cook Joke

Five years after the war started, I have reached the conclusion that the Iraq War is like a Dane Cook joke: the set-up, built on a false premise, led to countless hours of flailing limbs and screaming with no discernible conclusion or point. I am Barack Obama to Dane Cook's Bush: I'm dark skinned and I don't stand a chance.

Script For Lazy Gay Phone Sex Operator

(breathy voice) Just like that

best song in digital recorded history

PITCH: Alt-Comedy Poser RPG

Alt-rock tastemakers Pitchfork get into the videogaming world by picking tracks for a baseball video game. So let's take it one step further and imagine an RPG for alt-comedy posers:

You are at an open mic and you fail miserably. You:

a) graciously accept your demise and realize that you need to grow
b) storm off the stage hanging your head in shame
c) throw in an ironic cheesy lounge singer save ("Am I right," "tip your waitstaff")

You picked (c). Am I right?

The mic is over and the comics split into different cliques, all of them engrossed in shop talk. You gravitate towards:

a) the comics that are popular
b) the quiet kid in the corner
c) your mama's house for beer money

You picked (c). Three bucks huh? Couldn't get that from a friend?

While you were at momma's house she bestowed upon you a camcorder. You:

a) tape your sets and develop your craft
b) make a short comedic film in the spirit of Keaton and Brooks
c) do an ironic, knowing '80s parody with mustaches and chest hair

You picked (c). "Magnum PR" gets a thousand views for one day but drops off the radar the next.

No worries, you now got a gig at the Slipper Room. This can be your big shot. You:

a) tell ten minutes of tight, strong material
b) engage the audience as a provocateur on the level of Andy Kaufman
c) take five minutes wasting everyone's time setting up your laptop as a film projector

You picked (c). No one laughed at the film, but now people know you want to make films so a bevy of indie cuties work their way to your table.

You are like Albert Brooks or Steve Martin now. You must choose between screen or stage. Do you want to:

a) make viral YouTube clips that will be remembered a maximum of two years down the line
b) keep doing stand-up until you realize that no one wants to pay for your material
c) shoot yourself while listening to Elliot Smith

You picked (c). In case you didn't notice, I make the decisions here.

POLL: Goofy Good or Bad?

The word "goofy" has both negative and positive connotations. So which is it? It would seem goofiness is bad, but wasn't Steve Martin goofy? Sure he was ironically goofy, but still balloon hats are pretty goofy.

That's goofiness at its best. At its worst, it means Gallagher, Carrot Top and the Jerky Boys. Dane Cook is even a little goofy. Indeed, it seems like the cards are stacked against goofiness.

But some of the greatest legends were goofy. Andy Kaufman lip synching to the Mighty Mouse theme? Albert Brooks smashing an egg in his head and doing bad ventriloquism?

I say that goofiness is like mustard or barbecue sauce--it's amazing, but you need something of substance to go with it.

DISCUSS IN THE COMMENTS

Christian Comedy Boom

While stand-up comedy was in its golden age in the ‘70s, Christian stand-up was in its fetal stages. Thirty years later we are in a Christian stand-up boom. Between the Blue Collar Comedy tour (Bill Engvall and Larry the Cable Guy often reference the Lord in their acts) and what may be the only stand-up sensation of the YouTube era, clean jokes about family life are more popular than ever.



It may seem like religion and comedy are nothing new—after all, many of the greatest comedians are Jews. But many Jewish comedians either take a secular approach or are downright hostile towards religion.

Indeed, many comedians are Christian. But not to the extent of preaching Christianity in their acts. If cable TV drove the comedy boom, the web is fanning the hellfire-and-brimstone flames of evangelical Christian comedy.

Many TV stations want to appeal to all religions and faiths, thus shying away from comedy of any particular religious bent. The web has no such restrictions, letting Christian message groups and blogs delight in the works of a Brad Stine or an Anita Renfroe.

But it is important to note that almost all comedy blogs and sites—sites as diverse as Comedy Central Insider, Shecky and Cringe Humor—do not cover these comedians. Will this change after the NY Times article on Renfroe? Or is this yet another example of how most popular blogs reflect city culture—indeed, the interests of the creative class—not necessarily what the rest of the country thinks.

I am a staunch atheist, but I find Renfroe’s rise to the top interesting. She appealed to a large online niche (evangelical mothers).

Is this not a similar story to that of Aziz Ansari? Didn’t interest in alternative comedy snowball after Ansari’s M.I.A. bit (the only other famous stand-up video in recent online memory) went viral on the indie music blogs? If so, then does this mean that the future of stand-up is finding a niche audience that shares similar obsessions with the comic?



What does this mean for comedians who touch on a variety of topics? It may be wise to put up a video regarding a certain topic on a site that focuses on that topic. So if you have a joke on Facebook, see if you can post that video as a link for all your Facebook friends and see if they can relate, if not laugh.

UPDATE: Thanks for the link Buzzfeed!

Remembrance Of Videos Past #55: Paul Shaffer, “When the Radio is On” (Live Version)

Paul Shaffer was David Letterman’s obedient foil, laughing at his jokes and leading his band through runs of “Wild Thing” and “Born to be Wild.”

One episode, however, the writer of “It’s Raining Men” took the reigns and debuted one of his own compositions: a doo-wop revival song with Dion, Fresh Prince, Carol Kane and other assorted guests.

Wasn’t enthralled with this song, but it never left my head. Every now and then I remember the melody.

Catch the Fresh Prince at his whitest.

World Wide Web: Toughest Crowd For Stand-Up

Judging from these two excerpts regarding cool reception stand-up gets on the web, it seems like the glory days of the genre were in the ’80s, when cable channels showed it incessantly. Now sketch is doing much better.

“When they say that all writers are storytellers, I just laugh at that,” said Matt Besser, a founding member of the Upright Citizens Brigade comedy troupe, who recently started ucbcomedy.com. “A majority of them are, but there’s a lot of writers who write sketch comedy, and a sketch isn’t a joke, and it isn’t a sitcom. I don’t know any really great stories that are three minutes long.”
Sketch comedy “just has its day right now,” he added. “This is sketch’s medium, really.”

Dan Bialek advises that up-and-coming stand-ups put up a sketch or anything before they put up a stand-up video online:

There’s nothing that comes across worse via the Internet than video of standup comedy. You could be the funniest person on the planet and have a 20-minute tape of you making a packed audience cry bloody tears of laughter. Put it up on the web and I defy you to get more than 30% of the people who comment on it anonymously tell you it doesn’t suck. If you’re not famous and people don’t already know and love you, don’t put your standup up on net. You’re just begging for rejection.

Besides, standup sets (even bits) are too long for today’s 30-second, ADHD stricken YouTube audience. Ten seconds into your hilarious two-minute chunk on parking spaces, every Adderall monkey on Bebo will be heading over to the Bang Bros. to watch failed beauticians take it reverse cowboy style from men with Hepatitis-flavored tattoos in the back of a Volkswagon Vanagon. It’s not your fault. That’s just the way internet audiences are.

Instead, make a short video demonstrating your sense of humor using whatever you have around you. If you know how to use Adobe Flash or a similar program make a short animated series showcasing your material. If you’re flat broke and completely maladroit when it comes to tech stuff, shoot a series of short unedited videos using your cellphone, a borrowed digital camera or a cheap webcam.


Indeed the last viral stand-up video was Kramer saying the “N-word” over and over again. Needless to say, that did not help his career.

So to all of you stand-up comics who keep talking about “doing something online,” it may be wise to take the Taoist approach and do without doing.