Guest Blogger: Retarded Vampire

I am very busy at work today so my guest blogger is Retarded Vampire, who is not gainfully employed.

Good evening dear readers. How, you may ask yourself in your head, can me, who feels burny in the light that comes not from a flashlight but from a sun, how me can blog in the daytime? I don’t know. I am burning. Donate blood real quick to 14 Driggs Ave., Williamsburg, OOO!OWWWW!!!!!!

Wait; I am now moved computertop lap into darky loft. Good. So anyway please donate your blood to me. This feels like I should call it a blood pledge drive. So please donate your blood to reader-supported Mo!Comedy.

WIAT! Let me think hardy about things that are interesting – make that Internetisting.

Do these guys think of Blackula funnily?

Wait for it- Robert Ghoulet. I kill me—WIAT I’m immortal. Bwahaha!

Webmaster I want for site idea: BloodFeed

How come no Undead Frog?

This site will make you tremble with laughter in way that you clutch your sides and go to hospital because your stomasch is ripped open. Then maybe you can find it in your heart to donate blood?

Vampire cell phone sucks electricity. Ooh, never tried electricity. Meh, tastes like battery.





VAT! Make fun of foreigners? I will bring my Freddy Krueger ventriloquist doll to your show, slice you with ventriloquist doll then, ok I forgive you. Please send me blood as Facebook gift. Vampire poke!

Cereal Offenders

In the ‘80s there was this strange Saturday morning commercial trend of cartoon characters stealing cereal:

The Cookie Crook stealing Cookie Crisp




Barney Flinstone stealing Fruity Pebbles



The Trix rabbit stealing Trix.



These animated promos often had a humorous tone, which is odd because I find nothing funny about someone so desperate to eat that he steals food. Not money, food. Most starving robbers are OK with stealing money. Stealing food is many things—pathetic, baleful, an altogether gut-wrenchingly miserable affair. But funny? No. Throngs of people die from hunger.

If someone stole my bowl of cereal, I certainly wouldn’t chase him. I’ve lived with roommates before; roommates steal cereal from each other time and again. No big. The only reason I would chase after someone famished enough to steal my box of Honey Smacks is to tell them they forgot the milk.

Remember when kids voted for the Trix rabbit to eat some Trix? Of course they did—what kind of malevolent degenerate laughs at a starving rabbit?

So help yourself to some Cookie Crisp. I need a new roommate.

Worst Funk Awards

Worst Funk Philosophy Book: I Think Therefore I Jam, written by Dr. Souls

Worst Funk President: Abrajam Stinkin

Worst Funk Novel: Jamerican Psycho, Bret Easton Smellis

Worst Funk Comedy Tour: Non-def Comedy Jam

Worst Funk Vegan Band: Beat Is Murder

Worst Funk Social Networking Site (three-way-tie): MyBass; BassBook; Funkster

Worst Funk Computer: The Mack 3000

Worst FunkGadget: The iFunk

Worst Prime Minister of Funk: Mahmoud Ahmadineslam of Ijam


I want you to join Uncle Jam’s Army

Happy Birthday Song vs. Superbug

Did you know that singing the “Happy Birthday” song to yourself while washing your hands can help you fight off the deadly staph infection that’s killing more Americans than AIDS every year?

If you just touched a toilet seat with fluorescent-colored ectoplasm, you might want to add the “How Old Are You Know” remix.

Now whenever I celebrate birthdays, I am reminded of the gruelling battle against MRSA, which makes the cake that much sweeter.

What's happening now is that every now and again, I sing "Happy Birthday" out loud while washing my hands, which draws many a puzzled look in my direction.

That said, fight staph today by wishing Giulia Rozzi a happy birthday!

Lyrics:

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Giulia Rozzi
Happy birthday to you

How old are you know
How old are you know
How old are you know
How old are you know

Happy birthday to you
You live in a zoo
You look like a gorilla
And yo mamma does too

Happy birthday to you
Staph might just kill you
Wash your hands every time
You go to the loo

Who Wants To Be My Online Comedy Partner?

TSOYA has done it again with another amazing link, this one to Stylus magazine’s list of comedy duos. Which gave me the idea: who wants to be my blogging comedy partner? I post funny comments on my partner’s blog, my partner posts bon mots on mine. Who’s gayme?

I’m the one on the right

Who’s The Suge Knight Of Alt-Comedy?

TSOYA linked to this splendid SF Gate article on SF alt-scene when I found this little nugget:

Along with playing indie clubs, comedians have been signing with indie labels. Major independent labels such as Subpop and Drag City have comedians on their rosters, a trend that Rian Murphy of Drag City says is very much in the tradition of his label, although the practice has "a lot of room to grow."
Drag City's flagship comedian is the droll and often disgusting Hamburger, who works a lounge-lizard persona and is one of the few comics to make a career out of touring nonconventional venues.
Record labels have also, logically, signed acts that fuse music and comedy. There are numerous examples, including Subpop's Australian duo Flight of the Conchords (who also have a show on HBO) and "SNL's" Fred Armisen, who has recorded under numerous musical pseudonyms and has teamed with Sleater-Kinney's Carrie Brownstein as ThunderAnt on Drag City.
"Tenacious D signaled a turning point in musical comedy," Murphy says of the faux metal band consisting of actors Jack Black and Kyle Gass. "It brought the two things together. You didn't have to choose between being a musical act or a comedy act."
It's hard to say what makes for good chemistry between a label, a band and a comedian, but it somehow makes aesthetic sense for hip, sarcastic nerds like David Cross and Eugene Mirman to tour with indie groups.

So who is the Suge Knight of the alt-comedy labels?

Tony Kiewel, obviously. Why else can’t you find a good picture of him online?

America Loves Watching Hot Women Get Eliminated

Looking at some of the biggest reality shows in America (America’s Most Smartest Model, Rock of Love, Flavor of Love), one can’t help but conclude that Americans' cockles get warm every time they see hot women get eliminated. The epistemological truth about reality, according these shows, is that it is our intrinsic, biological imperative to systematically eliminate a house infested with a bevy of alluring ladies until there is one left.

I have always assumed that this is not the case, but perhaps I am being too cynical and close-minded to accept scientific evidence. Maybe this is why women in fundamentalist Muslim countries are told to wear burkas; so they can be eliminated indiscriminately.

This is why each week I will ban one hot woman from writing comments on my blog.

My girlfriend, Amy, will be the first one eliminated.

Watch your back, Jerell.

Oh, I'll moderate your comments, all right

Harvard Comedy

Just read this article on Shecky envisioning a future in which stand-ups are all from Harvard.


"But sir, I went to Oxford. Please listen to my Facebook joke."

"No dear lad, only Harvard grads. Give it up for your next comic, Poindexter Rutherford."

"Thanks. So who here has worked on a game theory problem, huh? This guy's like 'Shut up, my wife is here!'"

Moby Schtick Part II: This Time It’s Personal Chapter 7

Yes, I’m repeating that gimmick exploration of longform joketelling again. This time, you the reader can participate. Just “fill in the blank” in the comments section. I will of course use the first comment I see. In the next post, that comment will be in bold After I complete the sentence I will write a new one with a new blank—and new BBQ chicken McWraps. Here goes.

No one at the press conference knew why Jessica Alba thought it was funny to ...show up wearing a L.A. Gear acid washed denim jacket from 1989 with white fringe dripping from the sleeves, while screaming "LET'S GO TO THE MALL!"

A reporter asked her which mall and she said “the Sky Mall silly. It’s got all the best stuff.” All the reporters gasped in horror when all of a sudden they saw…Seth Green.

But not just any Seth Green—it was Can’t Buy Me Love–era Seth Green. Worse, he was riding piggyback on a 1987 Patrick Dempsey/Ronald Miller. Alba tried to make an R-rated, unfunny Idle Hands joke (is there any other kind), but Young Seth said she was “icky.” Jessica Alba was bewildered. Was there a mad scientist on the loose turning celebrities into their younger, more awkward selves? A mad rejuvenator?

Meanwhile, at a nondescript strip mall in Edison, New Jersey, two frat boys walked out of local strip club, Juggles. When Amir got in his car, he turned on the car radio and felt like he was in a movie. According to CBS News Radio… a white undercover officer and a wise-cracking black undercover officer were involved in a shoot-out at Juggles the night before. Police were investigating how Baby Eddie Murphy and Baby Judge Reinhold entered the strip club. And more importantly, where did Baby Eddie Murphy learn those filthy Idle Hands jokes.

Amir had a look on his face similar to that of someone… who can't figure out why New York from I Love New York is having such a hard time finding love. All she has to do is call herself Tiffany and sacrifice her mother at the Temple of The Goat (not to be confused with Seattle grunge outfit Temple of the Dog).


When Amir asked his friend if he just heard the news report, his friend Kyle said “Dude, what kind of faggot listens to the news and not the sports," to which Amir responded…

"A faggot with a heart of gold and a B.A. in Criminal Justice! Come on, we're going to White Castle."

“Figures, a queen wants to go to a castle.”

“Well what do you suggest?”

“Jessica Alba is in town giving a press conference.”
“Yes, so what do you wanna do?”
“Dude, I wanna ram my mayonnaise gun in her baloney taco.”

As Amir drove down the New Jersey Turnpike, he had a frightening moment of clarity. Time seemed to grind to a halt. Looking to his right, he saw mad scientist cackling in his Dodge Ram. The mad scientist beamed with pride as he looked at his custom-built... .. miniature diorama of the Camp David accords, accurate right down to Zbigniew Brzezinski's adorable little novelty cufflinks, which were in the shape of two penguins kissing.

As Amir focused his binoculars on the novelty cufflinks, Kyle said “Light’s green, cock vein!” A half-mile past the Camp David van (which has Anwar Sadat, Menachem Begin and Jimmy Carter holding hands and crossing a finish line while riding three conjoined unicorns airbrushed on the side), Kyle asked Amir, “Wait, wasn’t that the host of Tic Tac Doe in that diorama?”

“No,” Amir shot back. “That was Zbigniew Brzezinski, President Carter’s National Security Adviser.”

Circle gets a square...I mean Israel and Egypt get a peace treaty.


“Oh,” Kyle murmured with his head hanging low. “Well who was that guy behind the van with the Mad Rejuvenator machine?”

“MAD REJUVENATOR,” Amir exclaimed. “Describe this Mad Rejuvenator!”

Kyle described it as…

Redefining Comedy On The Web

Think Radiohead is the first to suggest you name your own price to listen to music? There is a service named SongSlide that allows users to do this. Comedic musician Jonathan Coulton is prolly the biggest musician on SongSlide.

In addition to letting fans name their own price, they also use Eventful, which lets fans alert their favorite artists of venues in their towns that are open for the artist to perform in. That way, the artist can perform in your town.




So Coulton has forged a new path for comedians; in the future, you can theoretically pay 2 dollars for David Cross’s new album and have him perform at the Yellow Star Revue in Central Bumplefuck.

Speaking of Bumplefuck, the mindset of said town needs to change its perceptions of black comedy. Tired of token black guys leaving work to continue mining the differences between blacks and whites, The Black Comedy Project aims to forge a new African-American comedy movement on the web in which comedians can nurture their own voices. Without making up a fear of swimming or a love of fat women.

I am especially moved by this. As a North African-American, I would like to be considered a comedian first, an artist second and an Egyptian third. Even if I decide to talk about the Arab-American experience, I prefer to steer clear of the “terrorist/hairy back” paradigm that seems all but obligatory in Arab-American comedy shows. I do not wish to be in the Hack-sis of Evil.

Moby Schtick Part II: This Time It’s Personal Chapter 6

Yes, I’m repeating that gimmick exploration of longform joketelling again. This time, you the reader can participate. Just “fill in the blank” in the comments section. I will of course use the first comment I see. In the next post, that comment will be in bold After I complete the sentence I will write a new one with a new blank—and new BBQ chicken McWraps. Here goes.

No one at the press conference knew why Jessica Alba thought it was funny to ...show up wearing a L.A. Gear acid washed denim jacket from 1989 with white fringe dripping from the sleeves, while screaming "LET'S GO TO THE MALL!"

A reporter asked her which mall and she said “the Sky Mall silly. It’s got all the best stuff.” All the reporters gasped in horror when all of a sudden they saw…Seth Green.

But not just any Seth Green—it was Can’t Buy Me Love–era Seth Green. Worse, he was riding piggyback on a 1987 Patrick Dempsey/Ronald Miller. Alba tried to make an R-rated, unfunny Idle Hands joke (is there any other kind), but Young Seth said she was “icky.” Jessica Alba was bewildered. Was there a mad scientist on the loose turning celebrities into their younger, more awkward selves? A mad rejuvenator?

Meanwhile, at a nondescript strip mall in Edison, New Jersey, two frat boys walked out of local strip club, Juggles. When Amir got in his car, he turned on the car radio and felt like he was in a movie. According to CBS News Radio… a white undercover officer and a wise-cracking black undercover officer were involved in a shoot-out at Juggles the night before. Police were investigating how Baby Eddie Murphy and Baby Judge Reinhold entered the strip club. And more importantly, where did Baby Eddie Murphy learn those filthy Idle Hands jokes.

Amir had a look on his face similar to that of someone… who can't figure out why New York from I Love New York is having such a hard time finding love. All she has to do is call herself Tiffany and sacrifice her mother at the Temple of The Goat (not to be confused with Seattle grunge outfit Temple of the Dog).


When Amir asked his friend if he just heard the news report, his friend Kyle said “Dude, what kind of faggot listens to the news and not the sports," to which Amir responded…

"A faggot with a heart of gold and a B.A. in Criminal Justice! Come on, we're going to White Castle."

“Figures, a queen wants to go to a castle.”

“Well what do you suggest?”

“Jessica Alba is in town giving a press conference.”
“Yes, so what do you wanna do?”
“Dude, I wanna ram my mayonnaise gun in her baloney taco.”

As Amir drove down the New Jersey Turnpike, he had a frightening moment of clarity. Time seemed to grind to a halt. Looking to his right, he saw mad scientist cackling in his Dodge Ram. The mad scientist beamed with pride as he looked at his custom-built...

Moby Schtick Part II: This Time It’s Personal Chapter 5

Yes, I’m repeating that gimmick exploration of longform joketelling again. This time, you the reader can participate. Just “fill in the blank” in the comments section. I will of course use the first comment I see. In the next post, that comment will be in bold After I complete the sentence I will write a new one with a new blank—and new BBQ chicken McWraps. Here goes.

No one at the press conference knew why Jessica Alba thought it was funny to ...show up wearing a L.A. Gear acid washed denim jacket from 1989 with white fringe dripping from the sleeves, while screaming "LET'S GO TO THE MALL!"

A reporter asked her which mall and she said “the Sky Mall silly. It’s got all the best stuff.” All the reporters gasped in horror when all of a sudden they saw…Seth Green.

But not just any Seth Green—it was Can’t Buy Me Love–era Seth Green. Worse, he was riding piggyback on a 1987 Patrick Dempsey/Ronald Miller. Alba tried to make an R-rated, unfunny Idle Hands joke (is there any other kind), but Young Seth said she was “icky.” Jessica Alba was bewildered. Was there a mad scientist on the loose turning celebrities into their younger, more awkward selves? A mad rejuvenator?

Meanwhile, at a nondescript strip mall in Edison, New Jersey, two frat boys walked out of local strip club, Juggles. When Amir got in his car, he turned on the car radio and felt like he was in a movie. According to CBS News Radio… a white undercover officer and a wise-cracking black undercover officer were involved in a shoot-out at Juggles the night before. Police were investigating how Baby Eddie Murphy and Baby Judge Reinhold entered the strip club. And more importantly, where did Baby Eddie Murphy learn those filthy Idle Hands jokes.

Amir had a look on his face similar to that of someone… who can't figure out why New York from I Love New York is having such a hard time finding love. All she has to do is call herself Tiffany and sacrifice her mother at the Temple of The Goat (not to be confused with Seattle grunge outfit Temple of the Dog).

I'm goin' hungry...for something with a little "flava"

When Amir asked his friend if he just heard the news report, his friend Kyle said “Dude, what kind of faggot listens to the news and not the sports," to which Amir responded…

Check This Wacky Stuff Out

Josh Filpowski



Whip It Out Comedy

The Perfect Girl - Watch more free videos

Interview With Bill Burr

Well readers, you know you've made it as a blogger when you get a free Bill Burr CD. I decided to interview Mr. Burr because:

a) he was a cast member in one of the best sketch shows in history (Chappelle's Show)

b) few contemporary white comedians can talk about race better than Burr

c) in the world of stand-up Burr has garnered a reputation as the Hendrix of taking down hecklers

d) (for the obvious-impaired)he's funny.

The reissue of his 2003 CD Emotionally Unavailable is on sale at What Are Records. Blah blah blah you still reading this? Scroll down to the interview already.



When you started out in comedy did you have your own voice already or did you find yourself imitating your heroes?

When I started out, I worked totally clean for the first year or two. I don’t know why I did. I think I just wanted crowds to like me, and I thought if I wasn’t dirty I wouldn’t get heckled as much. It took me a couple of years to find that my voice involved lacing all material with the f word and making stupid faces. That formula really helps if you’re trying to cover up an inability to write a joke.

Do you have any horror stories of starting out in comedy?

The biggest horror story I’ve had in comedy was living with Robert Kelly. The only thing I’ve found worse than that experience is having a conversation with Keith Robinson.

What definitive moment made you want to do stand-up? Did you watch David Brenner and decide that you wanted to do this for a living?
Watching comedians with my Dad and seeing him laugh made me want to be a comedian.

You were on Chappelle's Show for a few episodes. Have your ever done sketch before then?
I never did sketch before Chappelle’s Show. I never really looked at his show as a sketch show. It seemed more like we were making short movies.

You seem to have an obsession with strippers and hookers in your act. Why?
I love whores. Always have.

When is a joke racist and when is it politically incorrect?
I think it all comes down to intent. If you really mean what you’re saying the crowd will sense it and you’ll be in a tough situation. That’s why I’ve always hated when someone says that someone, “Can get away with…” doing certain material. “Getting away with” implies that you are saying something in a malicious way rather than just fucking around.

Once you were scheduled to appear on Human Giant, Aziz Ansari's show but you couldn't make it. Would you ever do an alternative comedy show?

I was on Human Giant. That is an incredible blow to me and my ego that you didn’t notice my 48 second interview with Aziz during their 24 hours marathon.


I wish I saw it. Can we expect any future TV cameos from you?
Well I know I'M expecting to be on TV some more. Let's just hope the people that make those decisions feel the same way.

You became a YouTube legend after a video was uploaded of
you giving an unruly Philadelphia audience a tongue-lashing. What are some tips on fending off drunken hecklers?
There are a bunch of different ways to go about it. But the basic theme is "Go fuck yourself." Greg Fitzsimmons is the best I've ever seen. I learned a lot watching him when I started out. He was the first guy I saw that didn't have some stock or prepared generic line for hecklers. He would take every situation as it came and would then, in a very personal and painful way, dissect the heckler's life. Not only would it shut the person up, no one else would yell out for the rest of the show.

What would you tell a comedian starting out trying to find his voice?
My advice to new comedians is: Get a catch phrase. That’s where the money is at. And if you can some how write an hour of material about the same subject, there will be no stopping you.


What other new comedians do you like?
As far as new comics in New York, I like Joe DeRosa, Jay Oakerson, and Kurt Metzger. I just moved to LA so I haven’t been out here long enough to know who’s doing what.

When can we expect a brand new album from you?
I'm shooting an hour long DVD next month in NYC. It will be in stores in 2008. I’m really excited about getting this next hour of material out there, blowing up, and being able to afford an assistant to pretend to be me and answer all my myspace emails. Until then I’ll continue to answer the 7 questions I get every three days.

If you could be on any TV comedy what would it be?

I want to be the guy that gets yelled at via satellite on one of those Left Wing/Right Wing talking head shows. I'm currently perfecting my "flabbergasted look" when I can't interject my feelings on how the world should be run.






PREVIOUSLY:

Bill Burr rants on MySpace

Moby Schtick Part II: This Time It’s Personal Chapter 4

Yes, I’m repeating that gimmick exploration of longform joketelling again. This time, you the reader can participate. Just “fill in the blank” in the comments section. I will of course use the first comment I see. In the next post, that comment will be in bold After I complete the sentence I will write a new one with a new blank—and new BBQ chicken McWraps. Here goes.

No one at the press conference knew why Jessica Alba thought it was funny to ...show up wearing a L.A. Gear acid washed denim jacket from 1989 with white fringe dripping from the sleeves, while screaming "LET'S GO TO THE MALL!"

A reporter asked her which mall and she said “the Sky Mall silly. It’s got all the best stuff.” All the reporters gasped in horror when all of a sudden they saw…Seth Green.

But not just any Seth Green—it was Can’t Buy Me Love–era Seth Green. Worse, he was riding piggyback on a 1987 Patrick Dempsey/Ronald Miller. Alba tried to make an R-rated, unfunny Idle Hands joke (is there any other kind), but Young Seth said she was “icky.” Jessica Alba was bewildered. Was there a mad scientist on the loose turning celebrities into their younger, more awkward selves? A mad rejuvenator?

Meanwhile, at a nondescript strip mall in Edison, New Jersey, two frat boys walked out of local strip club, Juggles. When Amir got in his car, he turned on the car radio and felt like he was in a movie. According to CBS News Radio… a white undercover officer and a wise-cracking black undercover officer were involved in a shoot-out at Juggles the night before. Police were investigating how Baby Eddie Murphy and Baby Judge Reinhold entered the strip club. And more importantly, where did Baby Eddie Murphy learn those filthy Idle Hands jokes.

Amir had a look on his face similar to that of someone…

Moby Schtick Part II: This Time It’s Personal Chapter 3

Yes, I’m repeating that gimmick exploration of longform joketelling again. This time, you the reader can participate. Just “fill in the blank” in the comments section. I will of course use the first comment I see. After I complete the sentence I will write a new one with a new blank—and new BBQ chicken McWraps. Here goes.

No one at the press conference knew why Jessica Alba thought it was funny to ...show up wearing a L.A. Gear acid washed denim jacket from 1989 with white fringe dripping from the sleeves, while screaming "LET'S GO TO THE MALL!"
A reporter asked her which mall and she said “the Sky Mall silly. It’s got all the best stuff.” All the reporters gasped in horror when all of a sudden they saw…Seth Green.

But not just any Seth Green—it was Can’t Buy Me Love–era Seth Green. Worse, he was riding piggyback on a 1987 Patrick Dempsey/Ronald Miller. Alba tried to make an R-rated, unfunny Idle Hands joke (is there any other kind), but Young Seth said she was “icky.” Jessica Alba was bewildered. Was there a mad scientist on the loose turning celebrities into their younger, more awkward selves? A mad rejuvenator?

Meanwhile, at a nondescript strip mall in Edison, New Jersey, two frat boys walked out of local strip club, Juggles. When Amir got in his car, he turned on the car radio and felt like he was in a movie. According to CBS News Radio,______________

Moby Schtick Part II: This Time It’s Personal Chapter 2

Yes, I’m repeating that gimmick exploration of longform joketelling again. This time, you the reader can participate. Just “fill in the blank” in the comments section. I will of course use the first comment I see. After I complete the sentence I will write a new one with a new blank—and new BBQ chicken McWraps. Here goes.

No one at the press conference knew why Jessica Alba thought it was funny to ...show up wearing a L.A. Gear acid washed denim jacket from 1989 with white fringe dripping from the sleeves, while screaming "LET'S GO TO THE MALL!"
A reporter asked her which mall and she said “the Sky Mall silly. It’s got all the best stuff.” All the reporters gasped in horror when all of a sudden they saw____

Sign Off For Boing Boing Reporter On Daily Video Segment

This is Mark Fraunfelder live from the basement. Back to you Mom.

The Opposite Of Comedy

If comedy is when someone expresses pain and anguish to make people laugh, then the opposite is when people laugh to make other people cringe and writhe in unfathomable horror.

Moby Schtick Part II: This Time It’s Personal

Yes, I’m repeating that gimmick exploration of longform joketelling again. This time, you the reader can participate. Just “fill in the blank” in the comments section. I will of course use the first comment I see. After I complete the sentence I will write a new one with a new blank—and new BBQ chicken McWraps. Here goes.

No one at the press conference knew why Jessica Alba thought it was funny to __________.

PREVIOUSLY:

Moby Schtick: The World's Longest Joke

Late To The Party (But High)

These are things I’ve been drinking in with the pleasure of a whirling dervish the past few weeks, but haven’t had the time to praise.

Upright Citizens’ Brigade, Season 2 DVD

The modern TV sketch comedy revolution began in earnest with The State in 1994 and continued with Mr. Show, which ended its run in 1998. That’s when the UCB came to the rescue. Besides the tasty trimmings (live audience Q&A, deleted scenes) what’s truly remarkable is how little the episodes have aged. Indeed, it’s as if the Del Close disciples saw into the future of comedy and recorded it for the 20th century (yes, I just wrote “indeed.”). A pleasure unique to the UCB series is trying to figure out the theme of each episode. I swear the theme of one episode is “everybody gets zapped.”

Though all the episodes are remarkable, the one where Matt Besser tosses throwing stars with a limp wrist is a work of “super-cool” genius.

Challengers, The New Pornographers

It is almost hackneyed at this stage to disparage a Pitchfork review, but they really lost their aim on this one. Most of the songs are lambasted for having “flat” or “awkward” structure. Does this mean that all songs must conform to the standard Pop Hook Style Manual? The subdued nature of this album is a welcome departure from their sunny, twee pop anthems (much as I worship them like the alien Canadian relics they are). Each song sounds like the season finale of a great TV show where a hot couple breaks up in time for sweeps week. I imagine Dawson and Joey breaking up during “Challengers” and Pacey and Joey breaking up during “The Spirit of Giving In.”

Strawberry Jam, Animal Collective

If liking this album makes me a hipster, then I’ll wear that ringer tee with the accompanying horn rimmed glasses. If loving “Peacebone” makes me an art fag, then I suppose I will have to pose for those Robert Mapplethorpe photos. If writing a rave review of Animal Collective is the most hack thing a blogger can do, then get ready for a slew of wacky cat pictures and anti-Bush screeds.