Wednesday, January 10, 2007

The Future Rebranding of VH-1

A little over 20 years ago, VH-1 was the smooth yacht rock version of MTV. For most of this decade VH-1 was the washed-up '80s star network. But now after the phenomenal success of "Flavor of Love," it looks like, between "Ice T's Rap School," "I Love New York" and "The White Rapper Show" that debuted on Tuesday VH-1 is becoming the forty-year old suburban housewife trying to be down.

Hey VH-1, cool it. I like you the way you are. Seriously. I love the Best Week Ever blog. I love the lists. Why you trying to be something you're not? Of course one measly North African-American blogger's opinion won't change a thing so here are the future manifestations of the most chameleonic cable channel in broadcasting history.

2009: VH-1 gives music video suggestions for places to eat Pan-Asian cuisine on your iPhone.



2013: Using quantum physics your thoughts become music videos, which explains why remembering to get Pledge is a Video Flashback.

2018: Biotech is all the rage and a bunch of human/animal chimeras live in a house. The show is called "The Surreal Lifeforms."


2024: VH-1 plays energetic, stirring street music from the oppressed lunar colonies of Titan.

2037: VH-1 converts to Buddhism after it realizes that it is only an ephemeral illusion and becomes transparent (representing nothingness), then reflective (representing self) and the world is enlightened. The Saturnian god Yrgar sounds his clarion call and VH-1 takes the "VH" off its logo. Mo Rocca is speechless.

2 comments:

Cibbuano said...

Does VH-1 even play music anymore?

Mo! said...

They play the sinewy, tender heartstrings.