Tuesday, February 06, 2007

On a Personal Note: The Rudest Pan Asian Cuisine Menu

In this segment I tell humorous personal anecdotes not related to alternative comedy celebrities. If you hate personal blog posts, skip this; there's plenty of non-personal stuff on this blog as well.

I went to this Pan-Asian restaurant in Flushing (home of the Mets) with my girlfriend and two of my friends . On the table was the most wise-ass menu in Queens. It explained what a beverage was. Something to the effect of "mostly made of water, for human consumption." Not only did this menu make me feel stupid; I also felt unimaginative. I should have thrown beverages at womens' faces, fucking up their mascara. Or I should have called the Wildlife Preservation Center and said "I'm sorry, we have a liquid that is strictly meant for spotted owl consumption. No take it back, only Asiatic black bears have a strong enough stomach lining for Bubble Tea."

Do Not Feed Tapioca to Humans

The menu, in addition to giving superfluous information, witheld important details. It didn't disclose what the spring roll sauce was. I assumed it was soy because the sauce was black, but turns out we were given A-1 steak sauce. I didn't want to start a fight with the waitress, so I said "Interesting, this isn't soy sauce, what is it?" She looked down for a few seconds and then said "Kikiriki" or some bullshit. No my friends; this establishment thinks we are a bunch of stupid Americans who love huge plates of spring rolls with steak sauce. Good thing she gave us small portions of A-1; we might have drank it all, or painted a mime's face with it.


Cibbuano said...

heh, asian menus are works of art...

Mo Diggs said...

Yeah you would expect lazy Engrish, but instead there's perfectly written condescending English on the menu.