In 1989, Samantha Fox had her biggest single in the US charts with "I Wanna Have Some Fun," which made the top ten.
See, I don't hate Nelly Furtado's "Promiscous" or Christina Aguilera's "Dirty" because they are necessarily terrible songs. Rather, Samantha Fox beat them to the punch with the first top ten hip-hop/pop hybrid. Full Force's back-up vocals and production only gets better with age.
This song was everywhere in 1989. MTV and VH-1 played it all day. Radio played it every hour. All the kids in my seventh grade class loved it. Samantha Fox nudie posters were sold alongside Iron Maiden posters in metal magazines like Hit Parader.
When I took my last trip to Egypt (I am Egyptian) at age thirteen in 1989, they had this song on the airplane music itinerary. When I landed and met my cousin Hussain, he and his friend loved Samantha Fox's "Naughty Girls Need Love Too." Egypt, America and England loved Samantha Fox.
Though I would love to be facile and call this a guilty pleasure, truth is it is a great song that was way ahead of its time. Besides being the first hip-pop hit, it was also on Jive Records, the label that would be home to Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears a few years later. Go ahead, try to play this at a backpacker party or a hipster dance party and not see everyone go apeshit.
The video was softcore porn for those who couldn't get Playboy or Showtime. For those who liked women, there was Samantha Fox. Hetero women and gay men could look at the shirtless male or all the other gay dancers in this video. Those who had thug passion could look at Full Force.
Enough writing; I wanna have some fun.
(courtesy of ipodlounger921)
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
Remembrance of Videos Past #6: Hugh Cornwell, "Another Kind of Love"
Back when MTV played videos, they had a feature called "Breakthrough Video." These were idiosyncratic, surreal short films that pushed the envelope. Sometimes, the songs weren't so great, but the videos were spectacular. Hugh Cornwell's (or shall we say Jan Svankmajer's [the director])"Another Kind of Love" was one of those videos.
Hugh Cornwell, former singer and guitarist for punk/new wave band The Stranglers, is the singer/songwriter of this mediocre non-hit that time forgot. "Another Kind of Love" was one of those singles that only made sense on MTV. The surreal claymation held my attention. It was like Pee Wee's Playhouse with boobies.
I don't even remember liking the video. I simply couldn't look away. Then and now, I still can't figure it out, though one guy thinks he can . All I can discuss is what I observe. This guy and girl are formed of clay. The lady craps newspapers out of her head and Hugh Cornwell cowers in fear - perhaps the newspapers are right-wing tabloids? Then she melts into nothing and a clay bust of Hugh Cornwell transforms into a wolf-pig, then a formless lump of clay. The lady reappears because conservatives love people who are easy to mold. At the end they hook up and the crumpled right-wing newspapers march all over the floor, presumably because of all the immoral Claymation sex in this video.
Try looking at Play-Do without a pang of lust after this video.
(courtesy of sanslatete)
Hugh Cornwell, former singer and guitarist for punk/new wave band The Stranglers, is the singer/songwriter of this mediocre non-hit that time forgot. "Another Kind of Love" was one of those singles that only made sense on MTV. The surreal claymation held my attention. It was like Pee Wee's Playhouse with boobies.
I don't even remember liking the video. I simply couldn't look away. Then and now, I still can't figure it out, though one guy thinks he can . All I can discuss is what I observe. This guy and girl are formed of clay. The lady craps newspapers out of her head and Hugh Cornwell cowers in fear - perhaps the newspapers are right-wing tabloids? Then she melts into nothing and a clay bust of Hugh Cornwell transforms into a wolf-pig, then a formless lump of clay. The lady reappears because conservatives love people who are easy to mold. At the end they hook up and the crumpled right-wing newspapers march all over the floor, presumably because of all the immoral Claymation sex in this video.
Try looking at Play-Do without a pang of lust after this video.
(courtesy of sanslatete)
The End of the Star Era
According to this NY Times article, Sumner Redstone's decision to fire Tom Cruise was a smart decision because he was too expensive.
Amen. Though IP democracy says this indicates the end of the star power in Hollywood, I would add that the nature of celebrity has changed. Or, rather, it has come full circle.
In the vaudeville era, people were famous for amazing feats. Vaudeville was a respectable talent show that adults went to see. Nowadays, on YouTube and on television shows like "America's Got Talent," people are famous for their virtuosity, not their smile. Indeed, some of the YouTube stars' faces aren't visible on camera. Funtwo hardly looks up while he plays guitar. The #1 video on YouTube currently has a magician performing a card trick without showing his face.
With that in mind, I would like to perform an amazing comedy stunt without showing my face.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ho ho.
Ho ho who?
See, I made you laugh before the punchline.
Amen. Though IP democracy says this indicates the end of the star power in Hollywood, I would add that the nature of celebrity has changed. Or, rather, it has come full circle.
In the vaudeville era, people were famous for amazing feats. Vaudeville was a respectable talent show that adults went to see. Nowadays, on YouTube and on television shows like "America's Got Talent," people are famous for their virtuosity, not their smile. Indeed, some of the YouTube stars' faces aren't visible on camera. Funtwo hardly looks up while he plays guitar. The #1 video on YouTube currently has a magician performing a card trick without showing his face.
With that in mind, I would like to perform an amazing comedy stunt without showing my face.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ho ho.
Ho ho who?
See, I made you laugh before the punchline.
Friday, August 25, 2006
Remembrance of Videos Past #5 (Part III of the Scott Trilogy)
Scott Jarzombek, the first rock snob I met (1988, when I was 12 years old), hated my taste in REM videos, but praised me for liking They Might Be Giants.
In 1989, Scott introduced me to a band. This was the first time an indie dude introduced me to a band. A song like this can be heard in malls throughout Long Island nowadays, but back then this was punk as fuck. I'm of course talking about "Punk Rock Girl" from the Dead Milkmen.
"Punk Rock Girl" was pop punk that was actually punk. It was also hilarious. During the first eleven seconds, you see what looks like a band member in the background reading a newspaper while the rest of the band is playing. And the name-dropping preceded MC Paul Barman by over 15 years.
References include:
* Philadelphia clothing store Zipperhead
* country comedienne Minnie Pearl
* The Beach Boys' cover of "California Dreamin'"
* Duke of Earl
And the most indie snob couplet I have ever heard in a rock song to date:
"You don't got Mojo Nixon
And your store could use some fixin'"
That particular couplet stuck with me for a while because I had no idea who Mojo Nixon was, so perhaps I could use some fixin'. Scott introduced me to The Dead Milkmen and The Dead Milkmen introduced me to Mojo Nixon.
There was no World Wide Web in 1989, so I relied on Rock and Roll comics to tell me who Mojo Nixon was. Rock and Roll comics were unauthorized comic book biographies of rock bands. The first issue was on Guns N' Roses. I lost that issue in a basement flood three years ago. GN'R's lawyer threatened to sue the publisher Todd Loren. No lawsuit happened. Mojo Nixon was the only supporter of Rock and Roll Comics; he loved the issue that covered him. That issue was impossible to find, so that's all I knew about Mojo. I found out more about him today.
On a sad note, publisher Todd Loren was murdered in 1992.
Mojo Nixon now hosts a political talk show called Lying Cocksuckers on Sirius.
Dead Milkmen broke up in 1995.
Scott became a librarian in Albany who plays in a punk/metal band called Burning Bridges.
I'm writing this blog post and still haven't married my punk rock girl.
(courtesy of Klause)
In 1989, Scott introduced me to a band. This was the first time an indie dude introduced me to a band. A song like this can be heard in malls throughout Long Island nowadays, but back then this was punk as fuck. I'm of course talking about "Punk Rock Girl" from the Dead Milkmen.
"Punk Rock Girl" was pop punk that was actually punk. It was also hilarious. During the first eleven seconds, you see what looks like a band member in the background reading a newspaper while the rest of the band is playing. And the name-dropping preceded MC Paul Barman by over 15 years.
References include:
* Philadelphia clothing store Zipperhead
* country comedienne Minnie Pearl
* The Beach Boys' cover of "California Dreamin'"
* Duke of Earl
And the most indie snob couplet I have ever heard in a rock song to date:
"You don't got Mojo Nixon
And your store could use some fixin'"
That particular couplet stuck with me for a while because I had no idea who Mojo Nixon was, so perhaps I could use some fixin'. Scott introduced me to The Dead Milkmen and The Dead Milkmen introduced me to Mojo Nixon.
There was no World Wide Web in 1989, so I relied on Rock and Roll comics to tell me who Mojo Nixon was. Rock and Roll comics were unauthorized comic book biographies of rock bands. The first issue was on Guns N' Roses. I lost that issue in a basement flood three years ago. GN'R's lawyer threatened to sue the publisher Todd Loren. No lawsuit happened. Mojo Nixon was the only supporter of Rock and Roll Comics; he loved the issue that covered him. That issue was impossible to find, so that's all I knew about Mojo. I found out more about him today.
On a sad note, publisher Todd Loren was murdered in 1992.
Mojo Nixon now hosts a political talk show called Lying Cocksuckers on Sirius.
Dead Milkmen broke up in 1995.
Scott became a librarian in Albany who plays in a punk/metal band called Burning Bridges.
I'm writing this blog post and still haven't married my punk rock girl.
(courtesy of Klause)
Improv Everywhere Strikes Home Depot
Charlie Todd and his improv agents strike NYC again. The mission: the agents have to walk slow and eventually stand still in a Home Depot.
From the website:
One thing we had not anticipated was that most people normally shop a pretty slow pace. Because of this, the slow motion phase was very subtle; you had to look close to notice something out of the ordinary was going on. It was difficult at times to tell who was in on the mission and who was not. It was only the large gestures like picking up a product or taking a sip of a drink that were obviously unusual.
So most people are slow-motion zombies when they shop at Home Depot, so much so that you can't tell who's walking in slow-motion as a prank and who's just shopping for a cordless drill. And these are New York shoppers. This might be the saddest prank in recorded history.
(via YesButNoButYes)
From the website:
One thing we had not anticipated was that most people normally shop a pretty slow pace. Because of this, the slow motion phase was very subtle; you had to look close to notice something out of the ordinary was going on. It was difficult at times to tell who was in on the mission and who was not. It was only the large gestures like picking up a product or taking a sip of a drink that were obviously unusual.
So most people are slow-motion zombies when they shop at Home Depot, so much so that you can't tell who's walking in slow-motion as a prank and who's just shopping for a cordless drill. And these are New York shoppers. This might be the saddest prank in recorded history.
(via YesButNoButYes)
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Old Media's Stupid Take on Race and MySpace
Race: Yes, they are going to make a Survivor season in which different races compete against each other. Because minorities don't compete against white people for money and prestige enough. Maybe as The Assimilated Negro says, the one who assimilates best will win. Imagine a bunch of hot white chicks gossiping about a bearded A-rab (full disclosure: I'm a dune coon).
MySpace: In a bid to outdo Viacom's (which owns CBS) recent plunge into coprophagic, bib-wearing stupidity, NewsCorp (which owns MySpace) allowed Tom to even consider partnering with Nylon and publishing a MySpace magazine. Here's what you should expect if MySpace magazine gets published:
* comments underneath the advertisements ("Thanks for the ad!")
* ghastly page layouts akin to the cringe-inducing wallpapers on MySpace profiles
* shirtless meatheads "interviewing" Tila Tequila by quoting "Anchorman" lines ("I want to be on you")
* Dane Cook taking comedy to the next level by verbally describing his act, which consists solely of jerky arm movements
* Unsigned emo-metal bands stapling their demos to each MySpace page
MySpace: In a bid to outdo Viacom's (which owns CBS) recent plunge into coprophagic, bib-wearing stupidity, NewsCorp (which owns MySpace) allowed Tom to even consider partnering with Nylon and publishing a MySpace magazine. Here's what you should expect if MySpace magazine gets published:
* comments underneath the advertisements ("Thanks for the ad!")
* ghastly page layouts akin to the cringe-inducing wallpapers on MySpace profiles
* shirtless meatheads "interviewing" Tila Tequila by quoting "Anchorman" lines ("I want to be on you")
* Dane Cook taking comedy to the next level by verbally describing his act, which consists solely of jerky arm movements
* Unsigned emo-metal bands stapling their demos to each MySpace page
Remembrance of Videos Past #4 (Part II of the Scott Trilogy)
Scott Jarzombek might have scoffed at my choice of REM's "Orange Crush," but he high-fived me for knowing who They Might Be Giants were. I abhorred "Don't Let's Start," but "Ana Ng" was everything I loved about rock at the time: power chords, great melodies and confusing lyrics. "Orange Crush" at least seemed to be about Vietnam. As soon as the lead singer said "perpindicular" in this song I felt stupid.
Indeed, the beauty of saying you liked They Might Be Giants at age twelve was that people assumed you were smart as a result. "Ana Ng" was Finnegan's Wake 120 Minutes style. If you haven't heard this song yet, I envy you. What a thrill when I finally heard John Linnel pronounce "Ng." Hearing a word without vowels is the next best thing to seeing a brand new color.
Trying to figure out this song's meaning is as silly as trying to read the string of words during the chorus. Now, just like in 1988, my body spastically rocks back and forth and I play air drums.
Just play this college rock classic and get your geek on.
(courtesy of ixamaxi)
Indeed, the beauty of saying you liked They Might Be Giants at age twelve was that people assumed you were smart as a result. "Ana Ng" was Finnegan's Wake 120 Minutes style. If you haven't heard this song yet, I envy you. What a thrill when I finally heard John Linnel pronounce "Ng." Hearing a word without vowels is the next best thing to seeing a brand new color.
Trying to figure out this song's meaning is as silly as trying to read the string of words during the chorus. Now, just like in 1988, my body spastically rocks back and forth and I play air drums.
Just play this college rock classic and get your geek on.
(courtesy of ixamaxi)
Infinite Comedy Albums?
Wired magazine on Beck's "infinite" album
Release a traditional 13-track CD? No thanks, says Beck. Instead he puts out a cycle of songs, remixes and videos that fans can string together any way they want.
What an ingenious, original concept. Could this be done with comedy albums? I've been inspired to try looking at my jokes as strings of thoughts that can be infinitely remixed, kind of like cut-ups. Here's one example:
My second grade teacher put me in the corner because when asked to use the word "weather" in a sentence, I said "The weather was sexy." So anyway, I'm pretty sure if most of you had the choice between wiping out whole populations in the name of God or just destroying someone who bothers you like the Satanists would, you would choose the latter.
I don't know, maybe my fans should remix my material instead.
Release a traditional 13-track CD? No thanks, says Beck. Instead he puts out a cycle of songs, remixes and videos that fans can string together any way they want.
What an ingenious, original concept. Could this be done with comedy albums? I've been inspired to try looking at my jokes as strings of thoughts that can be infinitely remixed, kind of like cut-ups. Here's one example:
My second grade teacher put me in the corner because when asked to use the word "weather" in a sentence, I said "The weather was sexy." So anyway, I'm pretty sure if most of you had the choice between wiping out whole populations in the name of God or just destroying someone who bothers you like the Satanists would, you would choose the latter.
I don't know, maybe my fans should remix my material instead.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Remembrance of Videos Past #3
I met my first rock snob when I was 12 years old. Scott Jarzombek was the most popular kid in my seventh grade class. All the girls loved him except his cousin. While Poison and Bon Jovi were popular, he turned girls on to The Clash, Sex Pistols, Ramones and Butthole Surfers. Remember, this was before Nirvana or Green Day became big.
What was I to do? I loved Def Leppard and here was Scott making fun of the one-armed drummer. I desperately needed to be hip. I vaguely remembered him saying he liked REM.
Hence I watched "Orange Crush" religously. It seemed important; I still don't know what Michael Stipe is saying, but I assume he's talking about Agent Orange and Vietnam. I assumed that back then as well. What I did know was that the video was black and white and there was a lot of dirt and wood.
When I told Scott about the video, he scoffed and said he hated that song. Then he murmurred something about how old REM was better. This prepared me for years of eye rolling from indie snobs who hate Flaming Lips and The Shins. I still stand by "Orange Crush" though. It's got an eerie guitar riff and soaring harmonies.
By the way Scott, this counts as old REM now.
(courtesy of oelectricmayhemo)
What was I to do? I loved Def Leppard and here was Scott making fun of the one-armed drummer. I desperately needed to be hip. I vaguely remembered him saying he liked REM.
Hence I watched "Orange Crush" religously. It seemed important; I still don't know what Michael Stipe is saying, but I assume he's talking about Agent Orange and Vietnam. I assumed that back then as well. What I did know was that the video was black and white and there was a lot of dirt and wood.
When I told Scott about the video, he scoffed and said he hated that song. Then he murmurred something about how old REM was better. This prepared me for years of eye rolling from indie snobs who hate Flaming Lips and The Shins. I still stand by "Orange Crush" though. It's got an eerie guitar riff and soaring harmonies.
By the way Scott, this counts as old REM now.
(courtesy of oelectricmayhemo)
Toothgasm
One more reason to hate Dane Cook: his sex scene with Jessica Alba in the upcoming motion picture "Formulaic Test-Marketed Comercial and Artistic Failure" caused her to lose a tooth.
Despite such an embarassing admission, I am skeptical of the cause. His name is Dane Cook, so maybe the last name is a nickname and they were cooking up some coke in the trailer together. After all, she must be on crack if she's so clueless about how "Good Luck, Chuck" is a potential career killer.
Here are some other possible reasons why Alba lost the tooth:
* he got a steel wang after losing his in a "swordfight" with Robert Kelly on "Tourgasm"
* they kept banging their heads against cinder blocks until one of them stopped saying "dude"
* he cooked a rubber chicken for her as a prank
* he wanted to use the tooth as a horn for his model unicorn
* Jessica Simpson wouldn't give him any and he took it out on the wrong Jessica
* he was building a celebrity tooth necklace
* because Dane Crook is a fucking spaz
Despite such an embarassing admission, I am skeptical of the cause. His name is Dane Cook, so maybe the last name is a nickname and they were cooking up some coke in the trailer together. After all, she must be on crack if she's so clueless about how "Good Luck, Chuck" is a potential career killer.
Here are some other possible reasons why Alba lost the tooth:
* he got a steel wang after losing his in a "swordfight" with Robert Kelly on "Tourgasm"
* they kept banging their heads against cinder blocks until one of them stopped saying "dude"
* he cooked a rubber chicken for her as a prank
* he wanted to use the tooth as a horn for his model unicorn
* Jessica Simpson wouldn't give him any and he took it out on the wrong Jessica
* he was building a celebrity tooth necklace
* because Dane Crook is a fucking spaz
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Remembrance of Videos Past #2
For the longest time, I thought "Welcome to the Jungle" was a fake rock and roll parody meant to be played in a Clint Eastwood movie. Indeed, I thought Jim Carrey sang the song.
In the trailer for the 1988 Dirty Harry film "The Dead Pool," "Welcome to the Jungle" is playing in the background. One of the scenes shows the singer: Jim Carrey lip synching the song with this huge spiky magenta wig. For whatever reason, I always preferred Jim Carrey's interpretive dance to Axl Rose's relatively lazy methed-up moonwalk.
I couldn't find the trailer, but thanks to Helvetet I found the next best thing: scenes from the movie. One of them has the Jim Carrey interpretation. The other two have Gn'R members as extras. The song ends halfway through the video, so you could skip the rest if you'd like, but you would miss Slash firing a harpoon.
In the trailer for the 1988 Dirty Harry film "The Dead Pool," "Welcome to the Jungle" is playing in the background. One of the scenes shows the singer: Jim Carrey lip synching the song with this huge spiky magenta wig. For whatever reason, I always preferred Jim Carrey's interpretive dance to Axl Rose's relatively lazy methed-up moonwalk.
I couldn't find the trailer, but thanks to Helvetet I found the next best thing: scenes from the movie. One of them has the Jim Carrey interpretation. The other two have Gn'R members as extras. The song ends halfway through the video, so you could skip the rest if you'd like, but you would miss Slash firing a harpoon.
Why the SoaP Song is Better Than the Movie
"Snakes on a Plane (Bring It)" is a guilty pleasure, no doubt. Only the most whitebread, Spencer's-shopping skateboard riding mall trash would admit without a modicum of guilt that they enjoy listening to such corny emo funk.
But that's precisely why the song is better than the movie: the overwrought, over-the-top sentimentality. Without the "kiss me goodbye" chorus and those silly disco synth-strings at the beginning, the song would be your everyday cheesy alterna-crap single that inexplicably tops Modern Rock singles charts.
But Cobra Starship has ended up being the band that is so bad, they're good.
Here I was expecting "Snakes on a Plane" to be a campy, silly film. Instead, it was an awful (in a non-ironic way) action film. Indeed, it was another dumb summer action blockbuster. Usually, I avoid such corporate dreck. But I was the idiot for thinking that this would be Rocky Horror 2.0.
Of course this movie has its moments. But even those moments are basic comic relief which any action movie has. They were meant to be funny. I would love to tell you the few ironically funny moments, but I don't want to ruin them for you in case you do see it.
"SoaP(Bring It)" is the exact opposite. Not since "Ghostbusters" has a pop song been used solely as a commercial for a summer film. It's a good thing the song is mallpunk fluff; twenty years down the road, we will be laughing at this genre, not indie pop or post-punk.
Come to think of it, even the "ooh I'm ready for it" bridge is brilliant. "Ooh I'm ready for it" encapsulates what the movie couldn't: the hype itself. Cobra Starship might be the world's most famous male cheerleaders.
Sure the song sucks, but that's exactly what you need after a snake bites.
But that's precisely why the song is better than the movie: the overwrought, over-the-top sentimentality. Without the "kiss me goodbye" chorus and those silly disco synth-strings at the beginning, the song would be your everyday cheesy alterna-crap single that inexplicably tops Modern Rock singles charts.
But Cobra Starship has ended up being the band that is so bad, they're good.
Here I was expecting "Snakes on a Plane" to be a campy, silly film. Instead, it was an awful (in a non-ironic way) action film. Indeed, it was another dumb summer action blockbuster. Usually, I avoid such corporate dreck. But I was the idiot for thinking that this would be Rocky Horror 2.0.
Of course this movie has its moments. But even those moments are basic comic relief which any action movie has. They were meant to be funny. I would love to tell you the few ironically funny moments, but I don't want to ruin them for you in case you do see it.
"SoaP(Bring It)" is the exact opposite. Not since "Ghostbusters" has a pop song been used solely as a commercial for a summer film. It's a good thing the song is mallpunk fluff; twenty years down the road, we will be laughing at this genre, not indie pop or post-punk.
Come to think of it, even the "ooh I'm ready for it" bridge is brilliant. "Ooh I'm ready for it" encapsulates what the movie couldn't: the hype itself. Cobra Starship might be the world's most famous male cheerleaders.
Sure the song sucks, but that's exactly what you need after a snake bites.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Introducing...Remembrance of Videos Past
Remembrance of Videos Past is my new daily feature on this blog. After Stereogum put up the "Give Peace a Chance" video and called it "Video Flashback," I was going to use that title. Nevertheless, in case they use that title again in the future, I went the more pretentious route and decided to make a lame Marcel Proust reference.
In Remembrance of Things Past, the protagonist eats a madeleine and remembers things. That's all I know about the book. These videos bring back personal memories.
Each video segment will have a personal anecdote. I will not post videos that came out less than ten years ago.
Here is the inaugural video: AC/DC, "Who Made Who"
I moved to the suburbs from Queens with my mom and my grandma when I was 10. When we got cable for the first time I was excited. At the time I loved pop music (Madonna, Prince, Michael Jackson). But when I turned on MTV the first day, I saw these robot popes making this guy with a prep school uniform. At some point the robot synod convenes around the surgery table, a bolt of lightning strikes their creation and voila-an army of prep school guitarists. It's like these robo-popes were making their own Catholic school of rock and roll.
If you want ten year olds to love your band, put robots and lightning bolts whenever and however you can into your video. Oh and at 1:43, Angus Young makes this awesome jump from this Grand Guignol ledge with not one, not two, but four lightning bolts striking him.
Later on, I would love rock bands like Guns N Roses, Metallica, Ramones, Nirvana, Pavement, Cornershop, Flaming Lips, White Stripes, Islands. But for the year of 1986, no one was better than AC/DC. They popped my rock and roll cherry and I have now been a rock fanatic for twenty years.
(courtesy of Halford0484)
In Remembrance of Things Past, the protagonist eats a madeleine and remembers things. That's all I know about the book. These videos bring back personal memories.
Each video segment will have a personal anecdote. I will not post videos that came out less than ten years ago.
Here is the inaugural video: AC/DC, "Who Made Who"
I moved to the suburbs from Queens with my mom and my grandma when I was 10. When we got cable for the first time I was excited. At the time I loved pop music (Madonna, Prince, Michael Jackson). But when I turned on MTV the first day, I saw these robot popes making this guy with a prep school uniform. At some point the robot synod convenes around the surgery table, a bolt of lightning strikes their creation and voila-an army of prep school guitarists. It's like these robo-popes were making their own Catholic school of rock and roll.
If you want ten year olds to love your band, put robots and lightning bolts whenever and however you can into your video. Oh and at 1:43, Angus Young makes this awesome jump from this Grand Guignol ledge with not one, not two, but four lightning bolts striking him.
Later on, I would love rock bands like Guns N Roses, Metallica, Ramones, Nirvana, Pavement, Cornershop, Flaming Lips, White Stripes, Islands. But for the year of 1986, no one was better than AC/DC. They popped my rock and roll cherry and I have now been a rock fanatic for twenty years.
(courtesy of Halford0484)
Friday, August 18, 2006
For Your Ironic Consideration: The Original Anti-Iraq War Music Video
Hey it's part of the zeitgeist to be anti-war. It's also trendy to be ironic. How, but how, do you make an ironic anti-war statement?
It has something to do with Al Jarreau, Sebastian Bach and MC Hammer.
(courtesy of woodenshipsjp)
Yes, you just saw Michael McDonald and Iggy fucking Pop in the same music video.
Update: Stereogum linked to me again. Thank you. And, in case you don't know who Stereogum is (I've been assuming you do) it's an awesome indie rock blog. What sets it apart is its attention to pop minutiae.
It has something to do with Al Jarreau, Sebastian Bach and MC Hammer.
(courtesy of woodenshipsjp)
Yes, you just saw Michael McDonald and Iggy fucking Pop in the same music video.
Update: Stereogum linked to me again. Thank you. And, in case you don't know who Stereogum is (I've been assuming you do) it's an awesome indie rock blog. What sets it apart is its attention to pop minutiae.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Bateman 365 is up to 365
Yes, Scott Bateman released his last flash animation today after releasing one every day for 365 days. His last animation is an awesome end credits sequence.
But just because he stopped there doesn't mean you have to. Here are some great comedy/music cartoons from the past year.
Comedy
Mike O'Connel
The stand-up page has more famous comedians like Eugene Mirman and Michael Showalter, but this Michael O'Connel cartoon poem has an demented, go-for-broke zaniness that sets it apart from the rest. Mike O'Connel is the Tex Avery of poetry.
Reggie Watts
Let Eugene Mirman explain:
"Amazing and unlike anything you have ever seen. Unless you have seen a comedic stream of conscious operatic beat-boxing marvel. Then it's like that."—Eugene Mirman (from Reggie Watts website)
Music
Yo La Tengo cover "Tighten Up"
Ted Leo covers "Maps"
I can only imagine what that Bateman will do next.
But just because he stopped there doesn't mean you have to. Here are some great comedy/music cartoons from the past year.
Comedy
Mike O'Connel
The stand-up page has more famous comedians like Eugene Mirman and Michael Showalter, but this Michael O'Connel cartoon poem has an demented, go-for-broke zaniness that sets it apart from the rest. Mike O'Connel is the Tex Avery of poetry.
Reggie Watts
Let Eugene Mirman explain:
"Amazing and unlike anything you have ever seen. Unless you have seen a comedic stream of conscious operatic beat-boxing marvel. Then it's like that."—Eugene Mirman (from Reggie Watts website)
Music
Yo La Tengo cover "Tighten Up"
Ted Leo covers "Maps"
I can only imagine what that Bateman will do next.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Hot New Zombies vs. Aliens Single
I don't usually post mp3s, but here's the new Zombies vs. Aliens track. It's a little derivative but it still rocks.
Friday, August 11, 2006
"Last Comic Standing" Needs Judges
After seeing Josh Blue's (a victim of cerebral palsy) victory on "Last Comic Standing," I am convinced that the show should have judges. At the beginning of each season, they have auditions with talent scouts.
During the early elimination rounds, they have celebrity judges
For the rest of the season, only the audience decides
This isn't a big deal, but I am disturbed that the magicians on "America's Got Talent" get more criticism than these comics. Yes, I despise "American Idol," but Randy and Simon's criticism help the artist develop; plus they give criticisms that the audience can never give. Randy calls many acts contrived. Simon bluntly tells a contestant that he is bored.
Criticism is precisely what Josh Blue needs. I cannot say with certainty that he rode the pity vote to victory, but I can say that nothing could be crueler than coddling him. Of course the world of stand-up is daunting enough by itself, but the road to stardom is infinitely more cutthroat.
What if someone in the future tells him that he does too much material on CP (my criticism)? Will he listen? Or will he scoff and say "You didn't win LCS?" Who's gonna tour with him? He's not hip enough for the alternative scene; he's not mean enough for the New York club comedy scene. What TV/movie roles will he get; whatever part he gets will inevitably seem exploitative.
Perhaps if he focused on other topics he could broaden his prospects. A CP musical act could potentially rock a UCB crowd. Some topical jokes could land him a Daily Show gig.
Ty Barnett, the second place comic, should have won. He was funnier, the audience laughed harder and he touched on different topics (DVDs, seat belts). He could have done black jokes for his whole set, but that would have been too cheap.
A judge would have pointed all these things out for the simple reason that a judge is experienced enough to give unflinchingly honest advice. TV audiences (in this country at least) seem to prefer making moral choices to aesthetic ones. The black Muslim on "Big Brother"'s first season was interesting, but because he was mean, viewers voted him off. One by one housemates were weeded out until only the blandest survived.
Forgive me for sounding callous, but that's LCS's problem; the tepid, inoffensive, self-deprecating acts rise to the top. Vietnamese winner Dat Phan tells Asian jokes; Josh Blue tells cripple jokes. I would love to see an episode where Simon Cowell tells Josh Blue "I was bored; how many CP jokes can you tell? Oh, and the Gabriel jokes are getting old. Sorry, but you have to do better than that." I would also enjoy the subsequent torrent of boos raining on Simon's ears.
But there are no judges on the show. I suppose the next best thing would be to judge me for watching this shit. But do it silently please.
During the early elimination rounds, they have celebrity judges
For the rest of the season, only the audience decides
This isn't a big deal, but I am disturbed that the magicians on "America's Got Talent" get more criticism than these comics. Yes, I despise "American Idol," but Randy and Simon's criticism help the artist develop; plus they give criticisms that the audience can never give. Randy calls many acts contrived. Simon bluntly tells a contestant that he is bored.
Criticism is precisely what Josh Blue needs. I cannot say with certainty that he rode the pity vote to victory, but I can say that nothing could be crueler than coddling him. Of course the world of stand-up is daunting enough by itself, but the road to stardom is infinitely more cutthroat.
What if someone in the future tells him that he does too much material on CP (my criticism)? Will he listen? Or will he scoff and say "You didn't win LCS?" Who's gonna tour with him? He's not hip enough for the alternative scene; he's not mean enough for the New York club comedy scene. What TV/movie roles will he get; whatever part he gets will inevitably seem exploitative.
Perhaps if he focused on other topics he could broaden his prospects. A CP musical act could potentially rock a UCB crowd. Some topical jokes could land him a Daily Show gig.
Ty Barnett, the second place comic, should have won. He was funnier, the audience laughed harder and he touched on different topics (DVDs, seat belts). He could have done black jokes for his whole set, but that would have been too cheap.
A judge would have pointed all these things out for the simple reason that a judge is experienced enough to give unflinchingly honest advice. TV audiences (in this country at least) seem to prefer making moral choices to aesthetic ones. The black Muslim on "Big Brother"'s first season was interesting, but because he was mean, viewers voted him off. One by one housemates were weeded out until only the blandest survived.
Forgive me for sounding callous, but that's LCS's problem; the tepid, inoffensive, self-deprecating acts rise to the top. Vietnamese winner Dat Phan tells Asian jokes; Josh Blue tells cripple jokes. I would love to see an episode where Simon Cowell tells Josh Blue "I was bored; how many CP jokes can you tell? Oh, and the Gabriel jokes are getting old. Sorry, but you have to do better than that." I would also enjoy the subsequent torrent of boos raining on Simon's ears.
But there are no judges on the show. I suppose the next best thing would be to judge me for watching this shit. But do it silently please.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Hot Rock Genres
Let me break them down from biggest to smallest on Billboard:
Soft Cock Rock
In the '80's, metal bands had power ballads for those intimate moments. But those guys were all painted fops. We are now blessed with sensitive, bearded neo-grunge titans. Chad Kroeger, Nickelback's lead singer, goes back to high school in "Photograph," a masterwork of jock nostalgia.
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head
See, it's still cock rock because of the dude-ish sentiments, but because it happened in the past, it has that rose-colored hue. Let's try that with bullying:
Do you remember Ahmed Brown?
How we pulled his pants down?
And he really started to frown
When we broke his Velvet Underground?
Other examples of soft cock rock: Three Doors Down, Creed
Memo (Metal plus Emo)
Yeah yeah yeah, you're gonna kill yourself. Suuuuuure. What, you're slitting your wrists? Oooh, I'm gonna tell.
OK, what's this AFI I hear of? They sound metal. And we all know only three things happen when you listen to metal: you commit suicide; you shoot up your school; or you prepare a goat cheese fondue for the Annual Satanist Cook-Off. But Satanism is sooo passe and this song is too emo to make you pick up a gun. Unless, you use it on yourself. OMG, you're really gonna do it. Shit, I'm gonna break out the noose and stool. This bullshit is #1 on the modern rock charts.
Examples: AFI, Avenged Sevenfold
Aged Alterna-Beefcake
What's with all these lithe twerps? What happened to the bronze alterna-gods of yesteryear? Remember Anthony Keidis?
God, he was so funny with that tube sock on his cock. Hey, that rhymes. Cock sock. Tee-hee. What? They play music? Oh, I bought these CDs thinking they were plastic credits that I kept purchasing until Anthony Keidis removed all his socks. What? I'm not gay! I just want to embarrass him. Umm, I don't know why I didn't say anything about Flea. Whatever, I love this music anyway. It's fun-kay. And Audioslave kicks so much ass, they could kickstart the ass. Hey, that would be a great Audioslave album, "Kickstart My Ass." Oh wait, Motley Crue already did that.
Examples: RHCP, Audioslave
Hitster Rock
By day I work as a CPA, by night I'm a super-hipster, or a hitster. Garden State soundtrack? Too obscure for me. Give me The Killers and Jet everytime. Sorry, I couldn't hear you; did you call me a poser? I was too busy buttfucking your suicide girl-friend here. Haha, you thought she liked guys who listen to bands like Love and Silversun Pickups? Hahahahaha! That's why they call us bad boys. The girls know they shouldn't like us, but once we throw them a PBR (cheap beer is not as much of an acquired taste as you think it is, chief) with our prehensile dicks, well let's just say they file us in the "guilty pleasures" category with The Killers and Jet. Oh, I'm supposed to be talking about music? I'm fucking this alterna-skirt so hard, I can't hear the music. But music is meant to be in the background not the foreground, right art major?
Example: The Killers, Jet, Wolfmother, The Bravery
Soft Cock Rock
In the '80's, metal bands had power ballads for those intimate moments. But those guys were all painted fops. We are now blessed with sensitive, bearded neo-grunge titans. Chad Kroeger, Nickelback's lead singer, goes back to high school in "Photograph," a masterwork of jock nostalgia.
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head
See, it's still cock rock because of the dude-ish sentiments, but because it happened in the past, it has that rose-colored hue. Let's try that with bullying:
Do you remember Ahmed Brown?
How we pulled his pants down?
And he really started to frown
When we broke his Velvet Underground?
Other examples of soft cock rock: Three Doors Down, Creed
Memo (Metal plus Emo)
Yeah yeah yeah, you're gonna kill yourself. Suuuuuure. What, you're slitting your wrists? Oooh, I'm gonna tell.
OK, what's this AFI I hear of? They sound metal. And we all know only three things happen when you listen to metal: you commit suicide; you shoot up your school; or you prepare a goat cheese fondue for the Annual Satanist Cook-Off. But Satanism is sooo passe and this song is too emo to make you pick up a gun. Unless, you use it on yourself. OMG, you're really gonna do it. Shit, I'm gonna break out the noose and stool. This bullshit is #1 on the modern rock charts.
Examples: AFI, Avenged Sevenfold
Aged Alterna-Beefcake
What's with all these lithe twerps? What happened to the bronze alterna-gods of yesteryear? Remember Anthony Keidis?
God, he was so funny with that tube sock on his cock. Hey, that rhymes. Cock sock. Tee-hee. What? They play music? Oh, I bought these CDs thinking they were plastic credits that I kept purchasing until Anthony Keidis removed all his socks. What? I'm not gay! I just want to embarrass him. Umm, I don't know why I didn't say anything about Flea. Whatever, I love this music anyway. It's fun-kay. And Audioslave kicks so much ass, they could kickstart the ass. Hey, that would be a great Audioslave album, "Kickstart My Ass." Oh wait, Motley Crue already did that.
Examples: RHCP, Audioslave
Hitster Rock
By day I work as a CPA, by night I'm a super-hipster, or a hitster. Garden State soundtrack? Too obscure for me. Give me The Killers and Jet everytime. Sorry, I couldn't hear you; did you call me a poser? I was too busy buttfucking your suicide girl-friend here. Haha, you thought she liked guys who listen to bands like Love and Silversun Pickups? Hahahahaha! That's why they call us bad boys. The girls know they shouldn't like us, but once we throw them a PBR (cheap beer is not as much of an acquired taste as you think it is, chief) with our prehensile dicks, well let's just say they file us in the "guilty pleasures" category with The Killers and Jet. Oh, I'm supposed to be talking about music? I'm fucking this alterna-skirt so hard, I can't hear the music. But music is meant to be in the background not the foreground, right art major?
Example: The Killers, Jet, Wolfmother, The Bravery
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Love is Everywhere
I was introduced to Love in 1998 when I saw Bottle Rocket. I never hated people who listen to Disturbed - many of them are my friends. But when I hear that bullshit I can't help but roll my eyes. Why? Because none of these people have heard of Love.
Well it's my fault not theirs. Instead of crawling into my cave of exaggerated superiority, I should have introduced them to Love.
Fortunately, I introduced my friends to their music. And they all loved "Alone Again Or." But it wasn't enough. Nowhere near enough people recognized Love.
Yet their influence is everywhere. Arthur Lee, the first black hippie, was a predecessor to Danger Mouse, the first black hipster. Seriously, nothing is creepier than Gnarles Barkley's (a psychedelic black hipster band) newfound fame occuring the very same year Arthur Lee died. It's as if Lee found a host in Cee-Lo and Danger Mouse before passing on. But without Gnarles, Deltron, The Shins, Wilco, we would still appreciate Love's legacy.
And let's get back to that black hippie thing. Arthut Lee was black at a difficult time in American history. We can crack wise about him not being black enough, but the truth is rock and roll is black. Besides, even if he was "white," so what? What's wrong with black people appropriating white culture? Outkast did it with "Hey Ya." Gnarles Barkley is doing it now with "Gone Daddy Gone." People like Arthur Lee came from both worlds but belonged to neither. Hopefully, we will remember him as an unsung hero not as a footnote to the '60's rock scene.
Yes Arthur Lee passed on last week, but it will never be too late to remember him.
Thanks to Stereogum, I found this incredible video. Try hippie-hating now, you poser mall punk. RIP, Arthur Lee.
Well it's my fault not theirs. Instead of crawling into my cave of exaggerated superiority, I should have introduced them to Love.
Fortunately, I introduced my friends to their music. And they all loved "Alone Again Or." But it wasn't enough. Nowhere near enough people recognized Love.
Yet their influence is everywhere. Arthur Lee, the first black hippie, was a predecessor to Danger Mouse, the first black hipster. Seriously, nothing is creepier than Gnarles Barkley's (a psychedelic black hipster band) newfound fame occuring the very same year Arthur Lee died. It's as if Lee found a host in Cee-Lo and Danger Mouse before passing on. But without Gnarles, Deltron, The Shins, Wilco, we would still appreciate Love's legacy.
And let's get back to that black hippie thing. Arthut Lee was black at a difficult time in American history. We can crack wise about him not being black enough, but the truth is rock and roll is black. Besides, even if he was "white," so what? What's wrong with black people appropriating white culture? Outkast did it with "Hey Ya." Gnarles Barkley is doing it now with "Gone Daddy Gone." People like Arthur Lee came from both worlds but belonged to neither. Hopefully, we will remember him as an unsung hero not as a footnote to the '60's rock scene.
Yes Arthur Lee passed on last week, but it will never be too late to remember him.
Thanks to Stereogum, I found this incredible video. Try hippie-hating now, you poser mall punk. RIP, Arthur Lee.
Asian Atheist Porn Star Comedy Hour
I love Asian porn stars. I also love atheist jokes. For years I have wasted precious time listening to David Cross for the latter and then going to asianthumbs for the former.
The wait is over. Now there is Asia Carerra's atheist joke page, with some real cock - I mean knee slappers.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day.
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish
God said, "Let there be light."
Nothing happened for a few moments.
Then God said, "Who the heck am I talking to?"
On the 6th day, God created Man. On the 7th day, Man returned the favor
That's right, when she's not using that tongue to bring Kyla Kleavage to climax, she's using it to goof on God. Look for her upcoming comedy DVD in the Adult Apostasy section.
The wait is over. Now there is Asia Carerra's atheist joke page, with some real cock - I mean knee slappers.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day.
Give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish
God said, "Let there be light."
Nothing happened for a few moments.
Then God said, "Who the heck am I talking to?"
On the 6th day, God created Man. On the 7th day, Man returned the favor
That's right, when she's not using that tongue to bring Kyla Kleavage to climax, she's using it to goof on God. Look for her upcoming comedy DVD in the Adult Apostasy section.
Comedy Lasers
That's the only thing missing from this highlarious (yeah, I said it, highlarious) video of comedy special effects from my pal, RG Daniels. That's right, comedy special effects. RG has taken the vlog to Spielberg/Lucas territory now. So roll that blunt and get ready for some lysergic, demented solo sketches.
Monday, August 07, 2006
The Kind of Confessions I Like
I like confessions in which people admit to grave crimes. Like if Bush confessed to being a war criminal, that would be great.
Unfortunately, people usually confess about guilty pleasures.
Like Cibbuano does. He confesses to watching Friends.
Liking Friends isn't something to be proud of nor ashamed. I would never confess to watching Friends. No, I don't like Friends.
Well I do like the episode where Chandler does Joey's girlfriend. And the one with the monkey. And... uh, this discussion is over.
Unfortunately, people usually confess about guilty pleasures.
Like Cibbuano does. He confesses to watching Friends.
Liking Friends isn't something to be proud of nor ashamed. I would never confess to watching Friends. No, I don't like Friends.
Well I do like the episode where Chandler does Joey's girlfriend. And the one with the monkey. And... uh, this discussion is over.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
White Stripes Ripped Off Slipknot
Here's the proof
courtesy of rawrpickles
UPDATE: Scott from Sterogum knows a good joke when he sees one. He put this video on his blog after I e-mailed it to him. Thank you again scott.
Previous Stereogum love
courtesy of rawrpickles
UPDATE: Scott from Sterogum knows a good joke when he sees one. He put this video on his blog after I e-mailed it to him. Thank you again scott.
Previous Stereogum love
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Orlando's Shining Contribution
I was skeptical about Orlando's cultural capital. Forgot about Mike Dobbins. Originally from Orlando, Mike Dobbins is a true impov comic. He's like Andrew WK on meth and crack.
He's playing the Cut Out Bin show at Village Lantern with Dave Hill, Andreww Wright, Sean O'Connor and Robert Buscemi. Go check out Orlando's only true artist.
He's playing the Cut Out Bin show at Village Lantern with Dave Hill, Andreww Wright, Sean O'Connor and Robert Buscemi. Go check out Orlando's only true artist.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Thank You Patton Oswalt
On the forum A Special Thing I asked who was the original alternative comic? Patton Oswalt quipped "The Lord Jesus Christ. No wait, Bruce Baum."
After the Bruce Baum recommendation, I looked him up on YouTube. I am determined to make this video more viral than All Your Base. It's a parody called "Don'cha Wish Your Boyfriend Was Bald Like Me."
Fun to laugh at and with
After the Bruce Baum recommendation, I looked him up on YouTube. I am determined to make this video more viral than All Your Base. It's a parody called "Don'cha Wish Your Boyfriend Was Bald Like Me."
Fun to laugh at and with
Friday, July 28, 2006
Quick Answer to Why There's No Theme Park Criticism
No video game criticism, or theme park criticism exists because writers do not seem so concerned with technology. This is true; pop culture in this decade is a technological story.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Theme Park Semiotics
So if and when amusement parks are analyzed, people look at the semiotics; at the codes that theme parks reinforce.
One of Disney's favorite themes is progress. Between Epcot, Tomorrowland and the Comtemporary Hotel, a bright future is always guaranteed. The future's so bright we have to wear shades.
As I previously said, theme parks are not developed by indie artists. They are financed by movie studios and (in Epcot's case) giant corporations looking to show visitors how they are very much a part of the future. When we were on Spaceship Earth, which chronicles the history of communications technology, we went through a tunnel with all these flashing neon pipes. My stepdad pointed at these pipes and quipped "Look, a series of tubes," referring to Senator Ted Stevens's dim-witted metaphor explaining what the internet is.
But let's get hypothetical. What if I could make my own theme park ride? What would it be like? Well I would want to make it low-budget so here's my proposal:
New Yorkland
People go on shopping carts and employees drag the shopping carts through these tents that have strobe lights in them. The tents have junkies and hookers in them who are passed out, but appear to be moving because of the strobe lights. I guess another name for the ride would be The Haunted Crackhouse.
The semiotics would be revolutionary; the underlying message would be the illusion of class mobility; the lower class would appear to be mobile when it is really sessile.
Since I am on vacation, my mind is slower and I forgot that sarcasm does not translate well on the Internet. Yes, I am being sarcastic about this proposal. Yes, I do not really feel this would lead to a revolution in class codes.
Orlando comedy update: I am determined to go to Pleasure Island's Comedy Warehouse as well as the Adventurers' Club to see how Disney does live comedy.
One of Disney's favorite themes is progress. Between Epcot, Tomorrowland and the Comtemporary Hotel, a bright future is always guaranteed. The future's so bright we have to wear shades.
As I previously said, theme parks are not developed by indie artists. They are financed by movie studios and (in Epcot's case) giant corporations looking to show visitors how they are very much a part of the future. When we were on Spaceship Earth, which chronicles the history of communications technology, we went through a tunnel with all these flashing neon pipes. My stepdad pointed at these pipes and quipped "Look, a series of tubes," referring to Senator Ted Stevens's dim-witted metaphor explaining what the internet is.
But let's get hypothetical. What if I could make my own theme park ride? What would it be like? Well I would want to make it low-budget so here's my proposal:
New Yorkland
People go on shopping carts and employees drag the shopping carts through these tents that have strobe lights in them. The tents have junkies and hookers in them who are passed out, but appear to be moving because of the strobe lights. I guess another name for the ride would be The Haunted Crackhouse.
The semiotics would be revolutionary; the underlying message would be the illusion of class mobility; the lower class would appear to be mobile when it is really sessile.
Since I am on vacation, my mind is slower and I forgot that sarcasm does not translate well on the Internet. Yes, I am being sarcastic about this proposal. Yes, I do not really feel this would lead to a revolution in class codes.
Orlando comedy update: I am determined to go to Pleasure Island's Comedy Warehouse as well as the Adventurers' Club to see how Disney does live comedy.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Amusement Park Elitism
(courtesy of janzedrik)
Why is there no Lester Bangs of video games or comedy? Genres of art that have their own critics tend to have their own snobs. Music snobs scoff at Sugar Ray. Film snobs love Richard Linklater or Alejandro Jodorowsky.
Video game snobs and comedy snobs are new to this century, so we might need to wait a year or two for the critics of those respective fields.
But what about attractions? Theme park rides, specifically? I cannot think of a less elitist art form than theme park rides. Perhaps the lack of recognizable, distinguished living theme park architects has something to do with this. Who praises the architect of the Tower of Terror?
Short of it: it don't get more lowbrow than rides and attractions.
Maybe amusement parks are to Orlando what movies are to LA. Everyone in LA thinks and breathes movies; everyone in Orlando thinks fun, sun and air conditioned hotels.
Perhaps the Universal Studios mantra "ride the movies" explains it best; theme park rides are literally moving theatrical experiences. Forget fourth wall; we're talking about the fourth track here.
If video games are digital movies, then theme park rides are new media plays mixing analog and digital; human (some rides have sardonic tour guides) and robotic animatronics); live (robots moving in the same space as audience) and prerecorded(videos, music).
Indie theme park rides do not exist of course. There is no homebrew scene nor is there a community revival of Spaceship Earth.
Once again I'm on vacation so here's a lazy link to a way more intelligent guy.
HILARIOUS WEBCOMIC
Yeah, I never link to this site though I read it all the time, but Questionable Content outdid themselves with this parody of an old staple of '80's comics.
Monday, July 24, 2006
Orlando
(courtesy of Scopy Cat)
I am on vacation with my family in the happiest place on Earth. I go to Orlando every year with my family. But this year, I've really made an effort to explore the psychogeography of The City Beautiful.
Specificaly, I have been interested in Orlando's role in arts and entertainment. LA is famous for its contributions to cinema; New York is famous for everything else. Austin is memorialized as a city of conspiracy theory kooks and loquacious stoners by Richard Linklater (forgive the club footed prose, I'm on vacation).
According to Wikipedia, here is a list of Orlando's major contributions to arts and entertainment (I've put an asterisk next to the ones I like):
Britney Spears
N'Sync
Backstreet Boys
Creed
Matchbox 20
7 Mary 3
Sister Hazel
Less Than Jake
Tom Petty*
Larry the Cable Guy
Wayne Brady
Wesley Snipes*
From this list, I am inclined to conclude that Orlando really is the city to get away from it all. Despite a huge black and latino population, Orlando is known for not-so-ethnic tourist traps (really, isn't Orlando itself a tourist trap) like Disney World and Sea World. Getting away from it all big-time. Coney Island embraces blacks and freaks, Disney World prices them out. Sure I'm going with my family; sure I like Disney World; just sayin'.
But it's not just the attractions - and, when you get down to it, Orlando, more than any other city, is known for attractions as opposed to art (I will compare the two tomorrow). It's known for Larry the Cable Guy and N'Sync. Looking at the above list, I see an MOR, test-market approved, family friendly (neither Larry the Cable Guy nor Wayne Brady say fuck), predominantly Christian culture.
Once again, just sayin'.
My friend is down in Orlando and I hope to meet up with him and do an open mic downtown. I wonder if all the comics are hacks who do material for fatigued tourists with ruddy faces and sullen teenage brats. Or do the comics resent this stereotype so much that they will create an equal and opposing force of comics that ... offer amazing rides and attractions the whole family can enjoy?
I don't know, but I do really want to know if we have any single people in the room tonight.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Blogging for Peace in the Middle East
Lebanese and Israeli bloggers are communicating via blogs. From the Wired article:
Recent government crackdowns on blogging in India and China highlight the destabilizing power of the medium; even in the United States, blogging has become nearly synonymous with partisanship and attack politics. Many Beirut bloggers, by contrast, point to the power of blogs as a tool for communication and even reconciliation.
Man, imagine a counterculture for peace spawned from the web. In the Middle East?
It ain't just happening on the blogosphere either. The series of tubes has something to say as well:
So what's my contribution for the online peace movement? One of dem dar super-hip ultra-chic jokes without punchlines of course:
I've come to the conclusion that I won't change the world with my stand-up. My routine will not bring peace between the Israelis and the Palestinians. I know I'm gonna sound conceited, but in case I do bring peace to the Israelis and the Palestinians, THAT WOULD BE GREAT IF IT DOES BY THE WAY -- if I do bring peace to them and I am assassinated by some right-wing zealot, THIS PART WILL SOUND REALLY CONCEITED I fear that some people might try to make a religion with me as the central figure for bringing peace to Jerusalem, the holiest place on earth . So, I'm just giving out the memo: I am not the Messiah. When a right-wing zealot shoots me, scream "He's not the Messiah." In fact, shoot the people who would try to make me the Messiah in the first place because we don't need any more religions in the world. So, yeah, oh by the way, yeah I wanted to tell you this -- by the way, only scream that I am not the Messiah if I am assasinated. If I am choking on a mozarella ball, don't scream I am not the messiah.
A person cannot be the Messiah until that person is killed. You can't kill a person by making them choke to death on a mozzarella ball. It doesn't usually work. It's usually followed by an awkward offer of dessert.
Killing somebody by making them choke on a mozzarella ball would be a very motherly way of killing somebody. Or paternal. Fathers cook too.
If I do get assassinated, they might think also think I am the antichrist. Scream I am not the antichrist.
Although Johnny Rotten said he was the Antichrist and it sounded cool ... how about when I am assassinated, you immediately scream "He's not the antichrist and neither is Johnny Rotten!"
But you can only be confused for the Messiah or the antichrist -- heck, you can only be assassinated -- if you are John Lennon famous. I'm afraid there are some people here who want that level of immortality. That's what I had wanted at one point. But there's too much stress with that. I want to be Benjamin Bratt famous.
Benjamin Bratt is from Law & Order, the dashing mestizo detective. He's also on E-Ring. He's NBC's go-to guy.
So anyway, he told this story on Conan one time and he said he said that he went to give a surprise massage to a fan on Oprah. He knocked on the lady's door and said, 'Hi, I'm Benjamin, I'm meant to give you a massage today.'"She had no idea who he was. Her aunt said her niece is a Banjamin Bratt fan just to get a ticket to the show.
So obviously if you are Benjamin Bratt famous, you might not be important enough to bring peace to the Middle East, but no one will ever confuse you for the Messiah, no one will assassinate you, and women will think you're hot.
But I read Benjamin Bratt's celebrity horoscope online, and I do not match his characteristics, which I need for Benjamin Bratt-level recognition, presumably. I do not "maintain dignity or keep my emotional life in check," as his horoscope says he does. So I probably won't be Benjamin Bratt famous and I probably won't get assassinated.
Recent government crackdowns on blogging in India and China highlight the destabilizing power of the medium; even in the United States, blogging has become nearly synonymous with partisanship and attack politics. Many Beirut bloggers, by contrast, point to the power of blogs as a tool for communication and even reconciliation.
Man, imagine a counterculture for peace spawned from the web. In the Middle East?
It ain't just happening on the blogosphere either. The series of tubes has something to say as well:
So what's my contribution for the online peace movement? One of dem dar super-hip ultra-chic jokes without punchlines of course:
I've come to the conclusion that I won't change the world with my stand-up. My routine will not bring peace between the Israelis and the Palestinians. I know I'm gonna sound conceited, but in case I do bring peace to the Israelis and the Palestinians, THAT WOULD BE GREAT IF IT DOES BY THE WAY -- if I do bring peace to them and I am assassinated by some right-wing zealot, THIS PART WILL SOUND REALLY CONCEITED I fear that some people might try to make a religion with me as the central figure for bringing peace to Jerusalem, the holiest place on earth . So, I'm just giving out the memo: I am not the Messiah. When a right-wing zealot shoots me, scream "He's not the Messiah." In fact, shoot the people who would try to make me the Messiah in the first place because we don't need any more religions in the world. So, yeah, oh by the way, yeah I wanted to tell you this -- by the way, only scream that I am not the Messiah if I am assasinated. If I am choking on a mozarella ball, don't scream I am not the messiah.
A person cannot be the Messiah until that person is killed. You can't kill a person by making them choke to death on a mozzarella ball. It doesn't usually work. It's usually followed by an awkward offer of dessert.
Killing somebody by making them choke on a mozzarella ball would be a very motherly way of killing somebody. Or paternal. Fathers cook too.
If I do get assassinated, they might think also think I am the antichrist. Scream I am not the antichrist.
Although Johnny Rotten said he was the Antichrist and it sounded cool ... how about when I am assassinated, you immediately scream "He's not the antichrist and neither is Johnny Rotten!"
But you can only be confused for the Messiah or the antichrist -- heck, you can only be assassinated -- if you are John Lennon famous. I'm afraid there are some people here who want that level of immortality. That's what I had wanted at one point. But there's too much stress with that. I want to be Benjamin Bratt famous.
Benjamin Bratt is from Law & Order, the dashing mestizo detective. He's also on E-Ring. He's NBC's go-to guy.
So anyway, he told this story on Conan one time and he said he said that he went to give a surprise massage to a fan on Oprah. He knocked on the lady's door and said, 'Hi, I'm Benjamin, I'm meant to give you a massage today.'"She had no idea who he was. Her aunt said her niece is a Banjamin Bratt fan just to get a ticket to the show.
So obviously if you are Benjamin Bratt famous, you might not be important enough to bring peace to the Middle East, but no one will ever confuse you for the Messiah, no one will assassinate you, and women will think you're hot.
But I read Benjamin Bratt's celebrity horoscope online, and I do not match his characteristics, which I need for Benjamin Bratt-level recognition, presumably. I do not "maintain dignity or keep my emotional life in check," as his horoscope says he does. So I probably won't be Benjamin Bratt famous and I probably won't get assassinated.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Hipsters Hijack Billboard 200
Four albums that are not complete hackneyed mainstream AOR compost are on Billboards's top 200.
Thom Yorke is at #2, Gnarles Barkley at #5, Johnny Cash at #6 and Muse - yes, this Muse
is at #9.
My theory: Danger Mouse made a name for himself with Grey Album and Muse got famous with "Knights of Cydonia" video on YouTube and MySpace. Seems that putting your music online ain't so bad after all.
Thom Yorke is at #2, Gnarles Barkley at #5, Johnny Cash at #6 and Muse - yes, this Muse
is at #9.
My theory: Danger Mouse made a name for himself with Grey Album and Muse got famous with "Knights of Cydonia" video on YouTube and MySpace. Seems that putting your music online ain't so bad after all.
My First Daily Show Link
Usually I don't link to the Daily Show, but this video is exceptional. John Hodgman sticks up for the corporations and their fight to kick anti-corporate slimeballs.
Couple of interesting things: fucktimewarner.org is interesting because it seems like that was a dig at Time-Warner, Viacom's (owner of Daily Show) biggest competititor in comedy.
On the one hand Time Warner owns Adult Swim which has such alterna-tastic gems as Tom Goes to the Mayor and Aqua Teen Hunger Force. HBO also has Lucky Louie. And they had a show that alternative comedy fans reluctantly admit to watching: Mr. Show.
Viacom has Daily Show, released the CD for Invite Them Up and is developing a cartoon by David Cross and Jon Benjamin. All these are Comedy Central projects. MTV in the early '90's had a sketch show that downtown comedy fans vageuly remember and rarely quote called The State. Oh, and VH-1 has Best Week Ever.
So who's more indie-tastic? Today, Viacom is for that awesome John Hodgman video alone. Maybe if Time-Warner focused less on dude-tastic meathead garbage like Tourgasm, or their upcoming project "Woman-Hating Bad Boy Comics Going on Man-Dates at Sports Authority" they would get my vote.
Couple of interesting things: fucktimewarner.org is interesting because it seems like that was a dig at Time-Warner, Viacom's (owner of Daily Show) biggest competititor in comedy.
On the one hand Time Warner owns Adult Swim which has such alterna-tastic gems as Tom Goes to the Mayor and Aqua Teen Hunger Force. HBO also has Lucky Louie. And they had a show that alternative comedy fans reluctantly admit to watching: Mr. Show.
Viacom has Daily Show, released the CD for Invite Them Up and is developing a cartoon by David Cross and Jon Benjamin. All these are Comedy Central projects. MTV in the early '90's had a sketch show that downtown comedy fans vageuly remember and rarely quote called The State. Oh, and VH-1 has Best Week Ever.
So who's more indie-tastic? Today, Viacom is for that awesome John Hodgman video alone. Maybe if Time-Warner focused less on dude-tastic meathead garbage like Tourgasm, or their upcoming project "Woman-Hating Bad Boy Comics Going on Man-Dates at Sports Authority" they would get my vote.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Comedy 0.0
(courtesy of choirbell)It seems like the web has revolutionized most art genres except for stand-up. Comics only use it as a promotional tool (Dane Cook, Aziz Ansari). People outside of the comedy circuit have more interesting ways to marry interactivity and comedy. Ze Frank has his fans write his online Friday show.
Well I've worked on an interactive open-source community joke writing project. I asked my readers to help me write a joke. First we all agree on a set-up, then a punchline. The next project is the punchline, but here is the world's first open-source collaborative joke set-up:
What did the barely legal donkey on Cialis say on her sexy webcam with her hot friends?
I know, it's a hacky premise, but the punchline will hopefully be worth the wait. I'd like to thank the readers for their contributions to this noble project. Your tenacity has paid off. I'd like to especially thank sex_inc for insisting on adding "barely legal donkey" to the joke. I felt it was too risque, but I can't think of a better subject for a joke now. Maybe you guys should write all my material from now on.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Satanic Hipster Take on Israeli-Lebanese Conflict
Islamic take on the violence: check
Judeo-Christian perspective: check
Satanic perspective: negative.
(courtesy of Matt Leclair)
There you have it. Satanists: not only black-hearted minions of Hades, but killjoys. These guys are more interested in seeing the overrated band The Rapture than the real thing. Sorry that there are no sorority chicks licking each other or gay New York musicals to keep these horny bastards happy. Sure, watch Nelly Furtado videos and smoke chronic: atta devil! Don't rattle your sabers for a full-fledged holy war.
What do you soul-sucking heathens care about nowadays? Norwegian death metal? Scooters and indie films?
Just as I suspected: satanists are nothing more than a bunch of apathetic hipster vampires who care more about getting their kicks than kicking ass. While the rest of us are hard at work firing missles and blowing ourselves up, these fey beelzesnobs revel in sloth and vanity.
Well enough's enough. Or, as you slovenly ironic metalheads would have it, Enuff Z'nuff. As of tomorrow, us Christians, Jews and Muslims will sit back, smoke out of hookas and forget about setting up for the showdown at the Temple Mount. Seriously, why should we fight each other if we aren't even going to get to fight you? It's like playing an RPG without a final boss: it's teh lamest.
Just remember, if and when you do want to move to the Holy Land, we're going to be hip to your Satanic hipster gentrification scheme. And our religous street gangs will run your satanic slacker asses into the sea for good.
A hell on earth with no satanists: poetic justice strikes again!
Judeo-Christian perspective: check
Satanic perspective: negative.
(courtesy of Matt Leclair)There you have it. Satanists: not only black-hearted minions of Hades, but killjoys. These guys are more interested in seeing the overrated band The Rapture than the real thing. Sorry that there are no sorority chicks licking each other or gay New York musicals to keep these horny bastards happy. Sure, watch Nelly Furtado videos and smoke chronic: atta devil! Don't rattle your sabers for a full-fledged holy war.
What do you soul-sucking heathens care about nowadays? Norwegian death metal? Scooters and indie films?
Just as I suspected: satanists are nothing more than a bunch of apathetic hipster vampires who care more about getting their kicks than kicking ass. While the rest of us are hard at work firing missles and blowing ourselves up, these fey beelzesnobs revel in sloth and vanity.
Well enough's enough. Or, as you slovenly ironic metalheads would have it, Enuff Z'nuff. As of tomorrow, us Christians, Jews and Muslims will sit back, smoke out of hookas and forget about setting up for the showdown at the Temple Mount. Seriously, why should we fight each other if we aren't even going to get to fight you? It's like playing an RPG without a final boss: it's teh lamest.
Just remember, if and when you do want to move to the Holy Land, we're going to be hip to your Satanic hipster gentrification scheme. And our religous street gangs will run your satanic slacker asses into the sea for good.
A hell on earth with no satanists: poetic justice strikes again!
Monday, July 17, 2006
Bush Forgets What Microphones Do Again
Perhaps Dubya thinks of microphones as phallic objects and doesn't like to think of them too much because he would feel gay if he did. Either way, he dropped a #2 out of his mouth when talking about Hezbollah "privately" with Tony Blair.
You'd think I like the poetic justice of the world eavesdropping on one of Bush's "private" conversations, but I love the stuffy British anchorwoman saying shit.
courtesy of Sinner's Guide to the Evangelical Right, the blog of an upcoming book from the author of The Hipster Handbook, the book that changed New York forever.
You'd think I like the poetic justice of the world eavesdropping on one of Bush's "private" conversations, but I love the stuffy British anchorwoman saying shit.
courtesy of Sinner's Guide to the Evangelical Right, the blog of an upcoming book from the author of The Hipster Handbook, the book that changed New York forever.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Funny in a Transcendent Way
(courtesy of Jeff Clark)Bill Burr. He's not too hip to lose the cringe humor fans, not too mookish for the alternative comedy scene (Aziz Ansari invited him to Crash Test). Here's his blog post on Hot Chick bios on MySpace.
Maybe it's a little old, but it seems fresh. Though it has a misogynystic tinge to it, it's the truth. These bios give hot chicks a bad name. I don't doubt there are meatheads who are this dumb too. But two things that turn me off on MySpace are bad HTML design and ditzy bios. Well said, Bill Burr.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Open Letter to Guy Ernest
After being linked to on The Bestest Blog of All Time (my blog is in the funny section), I decided to click on the blog above mine. I ended up on The Meathead Diaries. Here was his post:
This was my response to the post: "I know what you're talking about, but I suspect you don't."
As dumb as this Guy individual seems to be, my foresight proved hideously short-sighted. I inexcusably neglected to foresee the battery of threats that this guy would hurl at me. For instance, Mr. Ernest's constructive criticism.
That wasn't enough; he dedicated a bilious audioblog to yours truly.
Look, I apologize Guy. You are clearly new to the blogosphere. I just bristle when I read jingoistic alpha-male rants that belittle women and nerds. But, this is the Internet. Everyone deserves a voice. I'm sorry Guy. I extend an olive branch to you.
This was my response to the post: "I know what you're talking about, but I suspect you don't."
As dumb as this Guy individual seems to be, my foresight proved hideously short-sighted. I inexcusably neglected to foresee the battery of threats that this guy would hurl at me. For instance, Mr. Ernest's constructive criticism.
That wasn't enough; he dedicated a bilious audioblog to yours truly.
Look, I apologize Guy. You are clearly new to the blogosphere. I just bristle when I read jingoistic alpha-male rants that belittle women and nerds. But, this is the Internet. Everyone deserves a voice. I'm sorry Guy. I extend an olive branch to you.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Spiders Get High
This Swiss pharmacologist gave spiders different substances and saw what the results were on their web spinning.
I bet if he gave the spiders ecstasy, they would be spinning records on the web.
I bet if he gave the spiders ecstasy, they would be spinning records on the web.
Comedy Pal Playing at Rififi
Lucas Held, whom I've linked to before is playing at Rififi tonight.
Check out his hilarious video The Cure.
Not enough? Fine check out his sitcom pitch. It's about abortion (tee-hee).
Lucas Held will be at the Summer Tuesdays show at Rififi (332 E11th st) 8 PM.
Check out his hilarious video The Cure.
Not enough? Fine check out his sitcom pitch. It's about abortion (tee-hee).
Lucas Held will be at the Summer Tuesdays show at Rififi (332 E11th st) 8 PM.
Monday, July 10, 2006
Trendy Comics Part II
Dane Cook became famous through Napster and MySpace as well as through touring. At one point, the only person who had more friends than Dane was Tom Anderson - founder of MySpace - who's everybody's friend by default.
Now, he's #14 on the list of daily top comedians. But the burning question remains:
Who - but who - are the trendiest living alternative comics on MySpace?
Assuming we exclude dead comics like Mitch Hedberg (at a very ironic #7) and comedy duos like Tim and Eric (#33), here are the top 5 hippest MySpace alternative comics:
5) Sarah Silverman (#27)
4) Mike Birbiglia (#18)
3) Zach Galifianakis (#15)
2) Demetri Martin (#11)
1) Brian Posehn, the tenth most popular comedian on MySpace.
Breakdown:
The only comic from the Google trends top 5 who doesn't have a MySpace page is David Cross. Considering his anti-disestablishmentatrian outlook, it's not hard to see why. But Patton Oswalt has a profile on Rupert Murdoch's restricted sex offender networking mecca. Yet, he didn't even crack the top 100.
Though I'm tempted to say that guys like Cross and Oswalt are too old for MySpace, why is Brian Posehn - who worked with Cross on Mr. Show and who is on Patton Oswalt's top eight - the hippest?
Did you see that video on his profile? Where he rips nu metal a nu asshole?
But, let's see who's in the top five in general:
5) Dave Chapelle
4) Tourgasm (Dane Cook's new nickname)
3) George Lopez
2) Jim Gaffigan (fuckin good for fuckin him itsabouttyme)
1)
uh
larrythecableguy
Larry the FUCKING Cable Guy
(Nervous) Breakdown:
I feel the Chapelle profile is bullshit; it says he's Christian, but he converted to Islam years ago. The only surprise about Tourgasm is it isn't #1 (or that it beat out Dane Cook). George Lopez is actually a solid traditional comic who tells lively anecdotes. Jim Gaffigan is just a funny sunuvabitch.
Larry the Cable Guy, fuckin, how many friends does he have? 129,405.
Yep, Larry the Cable Guy has over a hundred thousand friends. Let's see what the buzz is all about:
OK, so you couldn't watch the whole thing. Neither could I. Let's look at some of his friend's comments:
i look exactly like u but shorter i way less and i dont have a beard
my hole enitre family loves u an ur work..an everybody in my hole town does to u should try to come here were all southern so u should love us.
THANX 4 poppin outa my berf day cake .. U rock.! ...
Git-R-Done Eh!! Canadian Rednecks luv ya too!
Oh well, so much for the wisdom of crowds.
Moral of the story: fuck trends; fuck the scene; laugh at what you want to laugh at; obey your thirst - drink Sprite - I mean Sierra Mist
UPDATE: They don't list that one page where Dane Cook has over one million friends for whatever reason. Anyway, he's the most popular on MySpace. He's got more friends than Larry the Cable Guy and Carlos Mencia combined.
Now, he's #14 on the list of daily top comedians. But the burning question remains:
Who - but who - are the trendiest living alternative comics on MySpace?
Assuming we exclude dead comics like Mitch Hedberg (at a very ironic #7) and comedy duos like Tim and Eric (#33), here are the top 5 hippest MySpace alternative comics:
5) Sarah Silverman (#27)
4) Mike Birbiglia (#18)
3) Zach Galifianakis (#15)
2) Demetri Martin (#11)
1) Brian Posehn, the tenth most popular comedian on MySpace.
Breakdown:
The only comic from the Google trends top 5 who doesn't have a MySpace page is David Cross. Considering his anti-disestablishmentatrian outlook, it's not hard to see why. But Patton Oswalt has a profile on Rupert Murdoch's restricted sex offender networking mecca. Yet, he didn't even crack the top 100.
Though I'm tempted to say that guys like Cross and Oswalt are too old for MySpace, why is Brian Posehn - who worked with Cross on Mr. Show and who is on Patton Oswalt's top eight - the hippest?
Did you see that video on his profile? Where he rips nu metal a nu asshole?
But, let's see who's in the top five in general:
5) Dave Chapelle
4) Tourgasm (Dane Cook's new nickname)
3) George Lopez
2) Jim Gaffigan (fuckin good for fuckin him itsabouttyme)
1)
uh
larrythecableguy
Larry the FUCKING Cable Guy
(Nervous) Breakdown:
I feel the Chapelle profile is bullshit; it says he's Christian, but he converted to Islam years ago. The only surprise about Tourgasm is it isn't #1 (or that it beat out Dane Cook). George Lopez is actually a solid traditional comic who tells lively anecdotes. Jim Gaffigan is just a funny sunuvabitch.
Larry the Cable Guy, fuckin, how many friends does he have? 129,405.
Yep, Larry the Cable Guy has over a hundred thousand friends. Let's see what the buzz is all about:
OK, so you couldn't watch the whole thing. Neither could I. Let's look at some of his friend's comments:
i look exactly like u but shorter i way less and i dont have a beard
my hole enitre family loves u an ur work..an everybody in my hole town does to u should try to come here were all southern so u should love us.
THANX 4 poppin outa my berf day cake .. U rock.! ...
Git-R-Done Eh!! Canadian Rednecks luv ya too!
Oh well, so much for the wisdom of crowds.
Moral of the story: fuck trends; fuck the scene; laugh at what you want to laugh at; obey your thirst - drink Sprite - I mean Sierra Mist
UPDATE: They don't list that one page where Dane Cook has over one million friends for whatever reason. Anyway, he's the most popular on MySpace. He's got more friends than Larry the Cable Guy and Carlos Mencia combined.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
The Top Five Trendiest Alternative Comedians
According to Google Trends, the top five alternative comics are (from least to most searched):
5) Zach Galifianakis
4) Patton Oswalt
3) Demetri Martin
2) David Cross
1) Sarah Silverman
Breakdown
Wait, Mo!! Those are the five you entered! Well, all the other alternative comics I entered (using The Apiary blogroll as a reference) were less popular than Zach Galifianakis (unless you count Dane Cook as an alternative comic, like Spin magazine does).
Zach Galifianakis peaked in late '05, around the time the Comedians of Comedy miniseries was on Comedy Central. Perhaps Patton Oswalt's showcase is effective after all. Though it seems likely that Demetri Martin nabbed the #2 position right after getting his Daily Show gig, he peaked in '04, the same year that his Comedy Central special first aired. Mr. Show veterans David Cross and Sarah Silverman are neck and neck. While Americans love Silverman's complete lack of white liberal guilt, the politically correct Canadians prefer David Cross's insatiable hatred for the American emperor.
For fun (yes, I find flow charts fun), I decided to see how Sarah Silverman stacked up against some of the most popular names in the business. I entered Dane Cook, Larry the Cable Guy, Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock. Here are my findings:
5) Sarah Silverman
4) Chris Rock
3) Larry the Cable Guy
2) Dave Chapelle
1) Dane Cook
Breakdown
Canucks and Aussies love Dave Chappelle (he's in the lead in both countries) while the Dutch and the Brits fancy Chris Rock. Dane Cook and Larry the Cable Guy are only popular in North America. Is it possible that the rest of the world rejects Dane Cook and Larry the Cable Guy for the same reasons they reject Bush: they represent the increasing anti-intellectual fervor growing in the States? Or have they just not hit the big time yet? Who knows? But Sarah Silverman coming in at #5 is no surprise. I suppose they call it alternative comedy for a reason.
5) Zach Galifianakis
4) Patton Oswalt
3) Demetri Martin
2) David Cross
1) Sarah Silverman
Breakdown
Wait, Mo!! Those are the five you entered! Well, all the other alternative comics I entered (using The Apiary blogroll as a reference) were less popular than Zach Galifianakis (unless you count Dane Cook as an alternative comic, like Spin magazine does).
Zach Galifianakis peaked in late '05, around the time the Comedians of Comedy miniseries was on Comedy Central. Perhaps Patton Oswalt's showcase is effective after all. Though it seems likely that Demetri Martin nabbed the #2 position right after getting his Daily Show gig, he peaked in '04, the same year that his Comedy Central special first aired. Mr. Show veterans David Cross and Sarah Silverman are neck and neck. While Americans love Silverman's complete lack of white liberal guilt, the politically correct Canadians prefer David Cross's insatiable hatred for the American emperor.
For fun (yes, I find flow charts fun), I decided to see how Sarah Silverman stacked up against some of the most popular names in the business. I entered Dane Cook, Larry the Cable Guy, Dave Chappelle and Chris Rock. Here are my findings:
5) Sarah Silverman
4) Chris Rock
3) Larry the Cable Guy
2) Dave Chapelle
1) Dane Cook
Breakdown
Canucks and Aussies love Dave Chappelle (he's in the lead in both countries) while the Dutch and the Brits fancy Chris Rock. Dane Cook and Larry the Cable Guy are only popular in North America. Is it possible that the rest of the world rejects Dane Cook and Larry the Cable Guy for the same reasons they reject Bush: they represent the increasing anti-intellectual fervor growing in the States? Or have they just not hit the big time yet? Who knows? But Sarah Silverman coming in at #5 is no surprise. I suppose they call it alternative comedy for a reason.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Sonic the Hedgehog: Buster Keaton of Video Games
(courtesy of foglera)
Mario: Sonic
Chaplin: Keaton
Like Chaplin, Mario has been:
* the first bankable star (Pac Man was popular for a year) of his medium
* the most respected in the art community (witness the hacks, graffiti, sculptures)
* the symbol of the downtrodden (Chaplin as tramp; Mario as plumber).
Most important of all, Mario, like Chaplin, fared far better with the technological upheavals in their respective mediums. Though Buster Keaton was an imporant auteur, acrobat and storyteller, his art suffered heavily during the sound era of cinema.
Sonic became an artistic and comercial failure during the 3-D era. This failure threatens to obscure his importance in the history of video games. Not since Asteroids has a video game emphasized physics like Sonic the Hedgehog has. Hills had irregular slopes; corkscrews added momentum; underwater scenes had a different viscosity than the land scenes.
1Up is celebrating Sonic's birthday. Hopefully, this won't be the last time Sonic's importance is recognized.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Casual Game Fridays
The Escapist has a wonderful article on how simple games are better than the complex MMORPGS and FPS's out there.
For some reason, people have difficulty defining casual games. The Escapist gets it right.
Chess is thought to have been invented in sixth century India. The rules have been tweaked, and it underwent an intense localization process in the middle ages, but for the most part the game has endured for a millennia-and-a-half. I can guarantee World of Warcraft doesn't have that kind of re-playability.
(courtesy of slworking2)
I would add that the difference between a casual game and a hardcore game is a casual game can be played at work behind the boss's back. This excludes online games that require commitment like Second Life and Perplex City and includes handheld games like Brain Age and Nintendogs.
If it lowers productivity, it's a casual game. If it increases (guild) productivity,
it's a hardcore game.
For some reason, people have difficulty defining casual games. The Escapist gets it right.
Chess is thought to have been invented in sixth century India. The rules have been tweaked, and it underwent an intense localization process in the middle ages, but for the most part the game has endured for a millennia-and-a-half. I can guarantee World of Warcraft doesn't have that kind of re-playability.
(courtesy of slworking2)I would add that the difference between a casual game and a hardcore game is a casual game can be played at work behind the boss's back. This excludes online games that require commitment like Second Life and Perplex City and includes handheld games like Brain Age and Nintendogs.
If it lowers productivity, it's a casual game. If it increases (guild) productivity,
it's a hardcore game.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Lester Bangs of Comedy
Renowned rock journalist and Esquire columnist Chuck Klosterman recently lamented the fact that there was no great video game critic along the lines of Lester Bangs.
At least video games have critics. There are no critics that specialize in stand-up comedy. This makes sense if we assume that the reason anyone would read a critic in the first place is for a recommendation. But in this post-user generated review universe, with blogs, fan sites and Amazon.com users acting as unpaid publicists for their favorite bands and movies, do we need critics to tell us what's good?
The reason we need critics is the same reason we need Chuck Klosterman: analysis. When I walk out of a theater, I ask my friend what she thought of the movie. I want her opinion, not a recommendation. Best case scenario, we analyze the movie for two hours at the roadside diner.
I've seen "Saved by the Bell" more than Mario Lopez has, but I still feel like I have to read Chuck Klosterman's essay on it over and over again.
But stand-up is different from TV, right? "Saved" had a laugh track; a comic usually knows when he's done well or not. Plus, what's there to analyze? Funny is funny. Am I right, people?
Simply stating how funny an album is may work with good comedy. But it is as useless as a hot pillow in July when it comes to great comedy. Richard Pryor wasn't only funny; he helped forge black identity in America. Andy Kaufman was more brilliant than funny.
Here's another reason we need critics: they help the industry. "Pearl Harbor" was a box-office smash, but critics lambasted it so much that it was lampooned in "Team America" as a terrible film. For every DVD of "Pearl Harbor" that sells, there's a negative review that Michael Bay is afraid to read.
Comics don't have this balance: if they kill, they kill. If the audience laughs at their hackneyed imitations of relatives and their dull observations of domestic life, that's fine; what comic would change the formula then? Moreover, peers won't say anything. The more daring comic who gets a lackluster response has no high ground from which he can tell the hack how to develop his craft.
This is not only the case with club comedy. Even alternative comedy showcases are getting alterna-hacks that reference '80's pop culture and shove their half-baked improv ideas onstage. But they've already won by appearing at Giant Tuesday. Getting mentioned in The Apiary is good enough.
What's wrong with just ignoring bad comics? Shouldn't the lack of recognition be enough? No; critical recognition is exactly what comics need. Both good and bad recognition. When good comics deteriorate and bad ones improve, who notices? If an alterna-hack gets a mention in Spin Magazine and sells out every night he plays at the UCB theater, why should he ever improve: he's clearly arrived. So when the next comedy album flops and Spin Magazine recommends the new imrov genius from New Zealand who has a hit one-man play about biotech and doo-wop music, what is the poor alterna-hack to do? What if he makes a wonderful album? Who will recommend him then? The fans have forgotten him; the cabarets have shut him out. How does he reclaim the fickle audience?
That's the critic's job. Without critics, Buster Keaton's legacy would have been diminished. "The General" would have been remembered as an expensive box office flop. Without Lester Bangs, garage rock albums would have never been hot collectors' items. What's also important to remember is that film and rock critics have preserved Keaton's legacy and garage rock's integrity respectively. Comedy album reviews exist of course. Pitchfork gave David Cross's two Sub Pop albums harsh reviews.Yet he's the only comic who is worthy of a Pitchfork critic's attention.
Of course Pitchfork is not responsible for covering alternative comedy. We read Pitchfork to see if the number of words in the latest buzz band's name is higher than the rating it gets. And Pitchfork, more than mp3 blogs, MySpace pages, Amazon reviews or fan forums, are the tastemakers in indie rock. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah got where they are with Pitchfork's help. Who's the Alec Ounsworth of alternative comedy?
So we don't only look to user generated reviews, then. We need comedy critics for the industry and the fans. Hell, we just need more good critics.
UPDATE: Punchline Magazine and Cringe Humor have reviews of comedy albums. The most negative review I found was on Cringe Humor. It was a review for Mitch Fatel's Miniskirts and Muffins, which got a cringe-inducing 4 out of 5.
Hopefully, no one considers this serious criticism.
At least video games have critics. There are no critics that specialize in stand-up comedy. This makes sense if we assume that the reason anyone would read a critic in the first place is for a recommendation. But in this post-user generated review universe, with blogs, fan sites and Amazon.com users acting as unpaid publicists for their favorite bands and movies, do we need critics to tell us what's good?
The reason we need critics is the same reason we need Chuck Klosterman: analysis. When I walk out of a theater, I ask my friend what she thought of the movie. I want her opinion, not a recommendation. Best case scenario, we analyze the movie for two hours at the roadside diner.
I've seen "Saved by the Bell" more than Mario Lopez has, but I still feel like I have to read Chuck Klosterman's essay on it over and over again.
But stand-up is different from TV, right? "Saved" had a laugh track; a comic usually knows when he's done well or not. Plus, what's there to analyze? Funny is funny. Am I right, people?
Simply stating how funny an album is may work with good comedy. But it is as useless as a hot pillow in July when it comes to great comedy. Richard Pryor wasn't only funny; he helped forge black identity in America. Andy Kaufman was more brilliant than funny.
Here's another reason we need critics: they help the industry. "Pearl Harbor" was a box-office smash, but critics lambasted it so much that it was lampooned in "Team America" as a terrible film. For every DVD of "Pearl Harbor" that sells, there's a negative review that Michael Bay is afraid to read.
Comics don't have this balance: if they kill, they kill. If the audience laughs at their hackneyed imitations of relatives and their dull observations of domestic life, that's fine; what comic would change the formula then? Moreover, peers won't say anything. The more daring comic who gets a lackluster response has no high ground from which he can tell the hack how to develop his craft.
This is not only the case with club comedy. Even alternative comedy showcases are getting alterna-hacks that reference '80's pop culture and shove their half-baked improv ideas onstage. But they've already won by appearing at Giant Tuesday. Getting mentioned in The Apiary is good enough.
What's wrong with just ignoring bad comics? Shouldn't the lack of recognition be enough? No; critical recognition is exactly what comics need. Both good and bad recognition. When good comics deteriorate and bad ones improve, who notices? If an alterna-hack gets a mention in Spin Magazine and sells out every night he plays at the UCB theater, why should he ever improve: he's clearly arrived. So when the next comedy album flops and Spin Magazine recommends the new imrov genius from New Zealand who has a hit one-man play about biotech and doo-wop music, what is the poor alterna-hack to do? What if he makes a wonderful album? Who will recommend him then? The fans have forgotten him; the cabarets have shut him out. How does he reclaim the fickle audience?
That's the critic's job. Without critics, Buster Keaton's legacy would have been diminished. "The General" would have been remembered as an expensive box office flop. Without Lester Bangs, garage rock albums would have never been hot collectors' items. What's also important to remember is that film and rock critics have preserved Keaton's legacy and garage rock's integrity respectively. Comedy album reviews exist of course. Pitchfork gave David Cross's two Sub Pop albums harsh reviews.Yet he's the only comic who is worthy of a Pitchfork critic's attention.
Of course Pitchfork is not responsible for covering alternative comedy. We read Pitchfork to see if the number of words in the latest buzz band's name is higher than the rating it gets. And Pitchfork, more than mp3 blogs, MySpace pages, Amazon reviews or fan forums, are the tastemakers in indie rock. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah got where they are with Pitchfork's help. Who's the Alec Ounsworth of alternative comedy?
So we don't only look to user generated reviews, then. We need comedy critics for the industry and the fans. Hell, we just need more good critics.
UPDATE: Punchline Magazine and Cringe Humor have reviews of comedy albums. The most negative review I found was on Cringe Humor. It was a review for Mitch Fatel's Miniskirts and Muffins, which got a cringe-inducing 4 out of 5.
Hopefully, no one considers this serious criticism.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
How Punk Rock Became a Thirty Year Old Creep That Lures Teens on MySpace
(courtesy of status 6)Gabba Gabba Hey!
Those were punk's infantile utterings. Punk was an amalgam of art and rock. Art rock without the classical pretension, if you will. Art rock that artists actually liked.
In the '80's, punk was still scabrous, but even then, skeptics (including Johnny Rotten/Lydon) declared punk rock dead and created postpunk, which is enjoying a resurgence.
Man, were they ahead of their time! Indie record stores mainly sell prog-rock and folk music now just to scare away annoying skate punks that shop at Hot Topic and play Tony Hawk.
What? Hot Topic? Tony Hawk? How did punk become a thirty-year old creep that preys on teens on MySpace?
For better or worse, with the advent of Nirvana, punk left its circle of theory geeks and slept with the football team by age fifteen. Those cheerleaders in the "Smells Like Teen Spirit" video were metaphors for punk's newfound Ms. Popular status after it won its catfight with pop music. Popular punk reached its peak at age 18, when Green Day released"Dookie."
But in 1997, punk felt less sexy. Hip-hop, techno and pop - yes, pop came back from that catfight with a vengeance - were all the rage. Indeed, every music publication eagerly awaited the death of rock.
Nobody loves you when you're twenty three
Funny that this is the chorus to a Blink 182 song that was on the radio the very same year punk turned 23.
Was this the problem with punk? The underground and the mainstream
were abandoning it? If so, Blink 182 took it to the senior prom.
Now, punk rock is the soundtrack to high school comedies, bad skating videos and annoying teenyboppers cruising around the suburbs. Now punk rock is a bloated creep that leers at hot teenagers online.
Only it needs a screen name: emo. It wears black granny glasses and cuts itself when no one is looking at the food court.
Will punk ever come back? Punk never went anywhere - it just aged horribly. Which is sad because we need the vitriol and energy of punk more than ever. Green Day's "American Idiot" proved to be a flash in the pan; "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" was many things, but it definitely wasn't punk.
courtesy of adamgilhespy Even those who age horribly look sexy on the right night in the right light with the right clothes. Tonight, The Futureheads are playing the Motherfucker party. Tonight, punk will stop lurking online and start living it up in Manhattan with its old friends: the theory geeks, the art fags, the weirdos.
Ironic that The Futureheads are the surprise band because it's as if this were a surprise birthday party for punk rock.
Happy thirtieth birthday punk rock. Now move out of the basement and stop hanging out with the wrong crowd.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Why Net Neutrality Won't Win
I want the web to stay neutral, but my skepticism has everything to do with the one word politicans and shareholders care about: pipeline. Let's look at oil first. Obviously there are other energy alternatives: biodiesel, hydrogen, veggie oil, gorgonzola cheese, etc. But oil is a more stable market; moreover, gas guzzlers are faster than electric cars.
Similarly, AT&T and Comcast seem like stable investments. Investors are skeptical, however, about yet another bubble full of eager start-ups. With a web that crushes start-ups, more reliable investments open up, leading to a safer market - for shareholders. So the net neutrality debate inevitably hinges on Wall Street versus Main Street. Shareholders versus entrepeneurs. Investors versus inventors.
Dittoheads
versus SPORTS RACERS.
Similarly, AT&T and Comcast seem like stable investments. Investors are skeptical, however, about yet another bubble full of eager start-ups. With a web that crushes start-ups, more reliable investments open up, leading to a safer market - for shareholders. So the net neutrality debate inevitably hinges on Wall Street versus Main Street. Shareholders versus entrepeneurs. Investors versus inventors.
Dittoheads
versus SPORTS RACERS.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Billboard Revolution
Gnarles Barkley has a top five single and a top ten album in Billboard.
Yes, those who haven't already downloaded St. Elsewhere are buying it. See RIAA? Told you if you put out good records they will come.
Oh and The Raconteurs' "Steady As She Goes" is #2 on the modern rock charts.
2006 could be to hipster rock what 1966 was to hippie rock (with Revolver, Blonde on Blonde and Aftermath).
This calls for a celebration (puts down monocle, picks up glass, ends uneccesary stage direction). Here's a video of Gnarles at Coachella and of Jack White's new video. Cheers!
courtesy of SaLi00
Yes, those who haven't already downloaded St. Elsewhere are buying it. See RIAA? Told you if you put out good records they will come.
Oh and The Raconteurs' "Steady As She Goes" is #2 on the modern rock charts.
2006 could be to hipster rock what 1966 was to hippie rock (with Revolver, Blonde on Blonde and Aftermath).
This calls for a celebration (puts down monocle, picks up glass, ends uneccesary stage direction). Here's a video of Gnarles at Coachella and of Jack White's new video. Cheers!
courtesy of SaLi00
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Patton Oswalt Immune to Image-Scanning Attack Robots of the Future
I searched Patton Oswalt on Google. At the top of the search results are the image results. Each image, left to right, looks less like the King of Geek Chic. The third picture is one of David Eggers.
Is this supposed to represent the evolution of Patton Oswalt from a comic genius to a publishing mogul? Or has Oswalt succesfully Googlebombed image searches of him so droids of the future stray off the inevitable warpath of destroying dissident comics and unwittingly machine gun boho hipster novelists?
If the latter is true, I suspect the Google library project will get tangled in a PR nightmare.
UPDATE: Dave Eggers pick is down. Best get you some book learning, Patty!
Is this supposed to represent the evolution of Patton Oswalt from a comic genius to a publishing mogul? Or has Oswalt succesfully Googlebombed image searches of him so droids of the future stray off the inevitable warpath of destroying dissident comics and unwittingly machine gun boho hipster novelists?
If the latter is true, I suspect the Google library project will get tangled in a PR nightmare.
UPDATE: Dave Eggers pick is down. Best get you some book learning, Patty!
War of teh Words
In this corner, we have Kevin Kelly of Wired Magazine, writing an article about Google's plan to make the content of five major research libraries available online, thus creating a 21st century library of Alexandria.
In this corner, John Updike, preserving books from extinction and contemptously mocking the dense verbiage of cyberspace in one haughty, apoplectic paragraph:
In imagining a huge, virtually infinite wordstream accessed by search engines and populated by teeming, promiscuous word snippets stripped of credited authorship, are we not depriving the written word of its old-fashioned function of, through such inventions as the written alphabet and the printing press, communication from one person to another — of, in short, accountability and intimacy? Yes, there is a ton of information on the Web, but much of it is egregiously inaccurate, unedited, unattributed and juvenile. The electronic marvels that abound around us serve, surprisingly, to inflame what is most informally and noncritically human about us — our computer screens stare back at us with a kind of giant, instant "Aw, shucks," disarming in its modesty, disquieting in its diffidence.
Updike is such a master of letters, he can convince me to accept the most tenuous sophistry as if it were the Word itself. In a foreword to a (now out-of-print) Writer's Digest guide on short story writing, Updike had beef with another medium: radio. Hippies cranked up their radios and had no appreciation for short stories, which were too quiet.
So does the Moses of Suburbia have a persecution complex or is his crusade against iBook-toting hipsters justified? And what about Mr. Kelly? Will this Google project really be the library of Alexandria or has Google bitten off more than it can chew?
Aw, shucks. I don't know. Here's some video of a dog eating liverwurst.
(courtesy of buka92)
Death to books! Bwa ha ha!
In this corner, John Updike, preserving books from extinction and contemptously mocking the dense verbiage of cyberspace in one haughty, apoplectic paragraph:
In imagining a huge, virtually infinite wordstream accessed by search engines and populated by teeming, promiscuous word snippets stripped of credited authorship, are we not depriving the written word of its old-fashioned function of, through such inventions as the written alphabet and the printing press, communication from one person to another — of, in short, accountability and intimacy? Yes, there is a ton of information on the Web, but much of it is egregiously inaccurate, unedited, unattributed and juvenile. The electronic marvels that abound around us serve, surprisingly, to inflame what is most informally and noncritically human about us — our computer screens stare back at us with a kind of giant, instant "Aw, shucks," disarming in its modesty, disquieting in its diffidence.
Updike is such a master of letters, he can convince me to accept the most tenuous sophistry as if it were the Word itself. In a foreword to a (now out-of-print) Writer's Digest guide on short story writing, Updike had beef with another medium: radio. Hippies cranked up their radios and had no appreciation for short stories, which were too quiet.
So does the Moses of Suburbia have a persecution complex or is his crusade against iBook-toting hipsters justified? And what about Mr. Kelly? Will this Google project really be the library of Alexandria or has Google bitten off more than it can chew?
Aw, shucks. I don't know. Here's some video of a dog eating liverwurst.
(courtesy of buka92)
Death to books! Bwa ha ha!
Friday, June 23, 2006
Doing the Analysis So You Don't Have To
Maybe I'm being a little overanalytical, but in his Fabuloso Friday segment (where viewers write the show) Ze Frank adds three viewer comments about Amanda (Amanda Congdon from RocketBoom).
Now we all know he doesn't have to add every fabuloso sports racer comment.
So why does he add a comment saying "I think you should marry Amanda?"
I'm thinking he wants to show Amanda that everyone thinks they should go out.
Well I think they should go out.
Uh, vlogger celebrity gossip sucks.
Now we all know he doesn't have to add every fabuloso sports racer comment.
So why does he add a comment saying "I think you should marry Amanda?"
I'm thinking he wants to show Amanda that everyone thinks they should go out.
Well I think they should go out.
Uh, vlogger celebrity gossip sucks.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Crazy Big in US Too
"Crazy," a hit for Gnarles Barkley in the UK, made its top ten debut this week.
Pro: Teeny boppers drop that r&b garbage for some real soul music
Con: Meatheads and bimbos say grating things like "Who knew Charles Barkley could sing?"
Pro: Teeny boppers drop that r&b garbage for some real soul music
Con: Meatheads and bimbos say grating things like "Who knew Charles Barkley could sing?"
Redneck Music Video (No, K-Fed Hasn't Arrived)
My MySpace pal, a comic named Lucas Held, has a video about a redneck trying to break into Hollywood.
Watch and learn - this is how you break into the biz.
Watch and learn - this is how you break into the biz.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Pretentious Baby Boomer Wishes Hipsters Were Hippies
In this New York magazine article, a reporter - whom I'll call Wavy Gravy - laments that the counterculture is not as big now as it was during the Vietnam War.
Mr. Gravy neglects to mention two things:
a) there was no Patriot Act in the '60's
b) the counterculture which might be invisible offline is downright omnipresent online.
With sites like indymedia and netroots sites like MoveOn, there has been a stronger, more widespread reaction against the system.
But, in fairness, Wavy has a point. The counterculture, omnipresent as it is, loses its focus on the web and is too scattered. As opposed to the '60's, when all the dissenters gathered together and marched, anti-war advocates are now spread out to video gaming sites, art sites, political blogs, basketball message boards, to the point where this decentralization never leads to the impressive collective actions of the Age of Aquarius.
So maybe without net neutrality, we will get sucked out of the matrix, take the red pill, see the grim realities around us, unite together and do something awesome and articulate like this
(courtesy cjxxoox)
On second thought, I'll take the blue pill. KEEP THE WEB NEUTRAL!
Mr. Gravy neglects to mention two things:
a) there was no Patriot Act in the '60's
b) the counterculture which might be invisible offline is downright omnipresent online.
With sites like indymedia and netroots sites like MoveOn, there has been a stronger, more widespread reaction against the system.
But, in fairness, Wavy has a point. The counterculture, omnipresent as it is, loses its focus on the web and is too scattered. As opposed to the '60's, when all the dissenters gathered together and marched, anti-war advocates are now spread out to video gaming sites, art sites, political blogs, basketball message boards, to the point where this decentralization never leads to the impressive collective actions of the Age of Aquarius.
So maybe without net neutrality, we will get sucked out of the matrix, take the red pill, see the grim realities around us, unite together and do something awesome and articulate like this
(courtesy cjxxoox)
On second thought, I'll take the blue pill. KEEP THE WEB NEUTRAL!
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Net Discrimination = Cable TV
Net neutrality is an issue that's close to my heart.
What will a two tier web be like? Cable TV. Cable TV gives you premium channnels that play movies. Verizon Web will have premium video on premium sites. The content provider might charge you for access and you will definitely have to pay to give your own videos premium delivery. Even then exclusive deals with, say, HBO, could act as speed bumps, if not outright dead ends to priority delivery for your videos.
Whereas education flourishes on the web, on TV it's relegated to the PBS/Discovery ghetto. Expect history on the web to focus exclusively on Hitler, like the History Channel does.
Just like cable TV, amateurs will have a voice. Public access lets amateurs develop TV shows, but the shows are regional with awful production. Unless you pay every regional broadband ISP, your web videos/podcasts will most likely be viewed locally - not globally - and will take forever to download.
In other words, the web losing network neutrality will be like the Playboy channel
(courtesy of Tiffanyholidayfans)
turning into the USA Network
(courtesy of Jeffkostello)
What will a two tier web be like? Cable TV. Cable TV gives you premium channnels that play movies. Verizon Web will have premium video on premium sites. The content provider might charge you for access and you will definitely have to pay to give your own videos premium delivery. Even then exclusive deals with, say, HBO, could act as speed bumps, if not outright dead ends to priority delivery for your videos.
Whereas education flourishes on the web, on TV it's relegated to the PBS/Discovery ghetto. Expect history on the web to focus exclusively on Hitler, like the History Channel does.
Just like cable TV, amateurs will have a voice. Public access lets amateurs develop TV shows, but the shows are regional with awful production. Unless you pay every regional broadband ISP, your web videos/podcasts will most likely be viewed locally - not globally - and will take forever to download.
In other words, the web losing network neutrality will be like the Playboy channel
(courtesy of Tiffanyholidayfans)
turning into the USA Network
(courtesy of Jeffkostello)
Monday, June 19, 2006
An Unlikely Meeting
On the glossy MySpace surface, it seems like the unlikely meeting is between Al Gore and Mos Def.
Get this video and more at MySpace.com
But that's not the weird meeting. Both of them have a wooden delivery. Oh! Ice cold!
The real odd couple is News Corporation - which owns MySpace and Fox News - and liberal politics.
This has been a long tradition with Fox. Shows like "The Simpsons" are as liberal as Gang of Four, but Fox News is a Republican killer app.
Fox is like 1930's Germany: great art, fascist politics.
Get this video and more at MySpace.com
But that's not the weird meeting. Both of them have a wooden delivery. Oh! Ice cold!
The real odd couple is News Corporation - which owns MySpace and Fox News - and liberal politics.
This has been a long tradition with Fox. Shows like "The Simpsons" are as liberal as Gang of Four, but Fox News is a Republican killer app.
Fox is like 1930's Germany: great art, fascist politics.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Mario Tops BILLBOARD?
In a music scene infested with corpo-pop-junk like Nelly Farttaco and AFI, it's endearing to see Mario make some headway.
He has the #1 ringtone in the country.
To paraphrase Eric Stolz in Pulp Fiction, Nintendo is back in a big fucking way.
For those of you who prefer indie analog Mario, enjoy the sounds of Mario380.
Thumbs up indeed, hombre.
He has the #1 ringtone in the country.
To paraphrase Eric Stolz in Pulp Fiction, Nintendo is back in a big fucking way.
For those of you who prefer indie analog Mario, enjoy the sounds of Mario380.
Thumbs up indeed, hombre.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
Prince is King
You might doubt Prince's coolness, but here's 5 reasons why he's the greatest.
1)His pan-ethnic musical style paved the way for Outkast.
2)His incorporation of New Wave style made him the first ethnic hipster.
3)He plays every instrument in the galaxy.
4)He dresses like the gayest man this side of the Halloween Parade, yet women find him sexy because he rides a motorcycle.
5) An award show is stale without Prince. Case in point: The Artist received a Webby Lifetime Achievement Award with the following five word speech: "Everything you think is true."
Though you cynics might think that was his cryptic way of coming out of the closet, I think it refers to our current draconian administration and a grim corporate infrastructure that increasingly steals bandwidth from hardworking web entrepeneurs.
via Boing Boing
PS: Thank Music4MyMind for this great video
1)His pan-ethnic musical style paved the way for Outkast.
2)His incorporation of New Wave style made him the first ethnic hipster.
3)He plays every instrument in the galaxy.
4)He dresses like the gayest man this side of the Halloween Parade, yet women find him sexy because he rides a motorcycle.
5) An award show is stale without Prince. Case in point: The Artist received a Webby Lifetime Achievement Award with the following five word speech: "Everything you think is true."
Though you cynics might think that was his cryptic way of coming out of the closet, I think it refers to our current draconian administration and a grim corporate infrastructure that increasingly steals bandwidth from hardworking web entrepeneurs.
via Boing Boing
PS: Thank Music4MyMind for this great video
Friday, June 09, 2006
Loser=Stand-Up Comic
Neil Strauss wrote a book called The Game.
In his commercial for a contest promoting the book, which gives guys tips on how to pick up ladies, he shows footage of himself from the past as a hapless loser. But not only is he a hopeless schlemiel - he's doing stand up comedy that no one laughs at. I guess a failed comic is the very lowest rung on the loser ladder. Maybe I should stick to being an unintentionally funny journalist.
Women are understandably turned off by unintentionally sad comics anytime of day.
via Gawker
In his commercial for a contest promoting the book, which gives guys tips on how to pick up ladies, he shows footage of himself from the past as a hapless loser. But not only is he a hopeless schlemiel - he's doing stand up comedy that no one laughs at. I guess a failed comic is the very lowest rung on the loser ladder. Maybe I should stick to being an unintentionally funny journalist.
Women are understandably turned off by unintentionally sad comics anytime of day.
via Gawker
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