Puppet Chic

Now this is a trend that I can get behind. Between Wonder Showzen and Avenue Q, everyone knows that puppets are the cat's pajama jam.

It all started with Triumph the Insult Comic Dog.



Then came Being John Malkovich, a Spike Jonze film about a puppeteer.






But the craze began in earnest with Crank Yankers , which featured many great comics including Patton Oswalt and Mitch Hedberg.



After that, puppets were all over America.

On Broadway



In Hollywood



On MTV





Behind the scenes on the Lonelygirl15 phenomenon:






In indie rock videos



After all, Yo La Tengo loves puppets


Seriously





Even Beck is touring with puppets.



But now the puppets are taking downtown Manhattan. The Village Voice has alerted this tastemaker to the latest trend in puppet chic: puppet hip-hop! They may be underground now, but A-Ron's puppet proteges The Kid America Club and Bandy are going to be all over NYC like Netflix envelopes with residue of last night's coke party. Don't believe me? After you check out their live-ass webpage watch this lesson on how to get gold fronts.




While most people follow trends, I anticipate them. No time to waste: here are some new genres of puppet art/entertainment that I am ready to exploit explore.


Puppet Burlesque

Puppets are hip. Burlesque is hip. I'm surprised nobody's thought of combining the two. Just cover your puppet in balloons and pop them one by one until it's naked. For the big finish, take the puppet off your hand and show off those dazzling gold pasties you've got on your fingers. Rreeeow!



Puppet Slam Poetry

Why keep all that rage contained in one person? Just give an apoplectic rant on racism and vaginas, have the puppet say all the racist things you are too afraid to say, and beat up the puppet at the end of your rant. Or better yet, have your puppet beat you up. Be the first person in literary history to read a poem and drink a glass of water at the same time.


Puppet T-Shirts

Can't find anything ironic enough to put on that ringer tee? Target has no pseudo-indie garb for that last ditch effort at wearable snarkiness? Meh, you are too good to be an aloof bohemian anyway. What happens when your friend's mother dies and you are wearing a "Who farted?" T-shirt? Get a puppet T-shirt so you can say whatever, whenever. So your friend has a T-shirt that says "Robot Collections Agency." Just reach into that parrot puppet you got on your chest and say "Slap me five jive turkey." Or "Don't fake the funk on a nasty dunk!" Now who's the life of the party?

If the Grim Reaper makes an unscheduled appearance and someone OD's in the bathroom, have your chest parrot cry and give a stirring speech on love, mortality and the perils of a nasty dunk.


Puppet Tattoos

Afraid that you are going to get a tat with your lover's name on it only to break up? Puppet tattoos make such worries a thing of the past. When you break up, you can reach your fingers into "Pat" and mock that jackhole with your very own shoulder puppet show. Or you can get an ass puppet tattoo, stick your fingers up your ass and really put that asshole behind you.



UPDATE: Thanks Apiary