Sunday, September 03, 2006

A Guide to Geeks, Nerds, Dorks and Herbs

Yes, there are differences. I never felt the need to distinguish the four categories, but there goes another major publication calling geeks nerds again. With the exception of nerdcore rappers and chiptune musicians, most of the people on the list are geeks. Here are the correct definitions of geek, nerd, dork and herb.


Bottom line: Nerds have incredible scientific, mathematic and/or computer know-how. If somebody read all the works of every Romantic author from Byron to Keats, a nerd will simply say "BFD, pussy." Unless this amateur Romantic scholar knows how to code and made at least one ASCII porn picture in the '90's , he and/or she (we must allow for the statistical improbability of true gonadal hermaphrodites in our hypothetical example) will be ridiculed heavily amongst the nerd elite. The nerd elite? Here are Technorati's top five blogs in the English language :

1) Endgadget
2) Boing Boing
3) Gizmodo
4) Daily Kos
5) Techcrunch

Only one of them (Daily Kos) is not a techie blog. The rest of these bloggers get mad respect from nerds (remember, nerds use hip-hop slang too).

Example of a famous nerd:

Where do you find them in the school cafeteria: Everyone knows lunchtime is playtime, so nerds are mostly trying to pwn each other in Brain Age on the Nintendo DS. That or they got a paid gig modding an Xbox 360 into a bong for some rich stoner, renaming it the Xbox 420.

Overlooked nerd blogs: Because Scientists are Funnier than You Are


Bottom Line: A dork is simply an awkward spaz. Many times dorks think they are cool and hate nerds, but in reality they are unhygienic, unattractive and unkempt. Unlike the other categories, dork is the least exclusive since there are so many reasons people are dorks. Reasons include:

* bad hygiene
* wheezy laugh
* uncombed hair
* weird eyebrows
* spastic gesticulation when talking
* awkwardness in social interactions

Example of a famous dork:

Where don't you find them in the school cafeteria:
The cool kids' table, the stoner table (although stoners often have bad hygiene and unkempt hair, they usually get invited to the cool kids' parties because they will light them up; many stoners are former dorks)

Overlooked Dork Blog: Numa Numa Video Blog, where far too many people try to imitate the awkward dork dancing of Gary Brolsma


Bottom line:
A herb (note: the "h" is not silent) is anyone who does not fit in with the hip-hop community. An athlete or a stud might fit in unless he opens his cornball mouth and says "Raise the roof." More often than not, a person attains herb status when they try to be down. Mad heads would agree that Vanilla Ice is a herb.

Example of a Famous Herb:

(courtesy of msniki)

Where do you find them in the school cafeteria: Making return trips to the cafeteria after all the herb ("h" is silent) they smoked

Overlooked Herb Blog:
Kevin Federline's MySpace blog (no one reads it)



Bottom line: A geek tends to be obsessed with anything except sports, fashion or modern pop music. Popular geek obsessions include comic books, science fiction shows, indie rock, video games and movies. Many of the "avant-nerds" are really examples of geek chic.

Example of a famous geek:

Seth Cohen from "The OC"

Where do you find them in the school cafeteria: Blogging on their laptops.

Overlooked geek blog: You're reading it now.


Cibbuano said...

you're a geek? Muchos beatings for you at the school caf.

good post! K-fed is a herb? Great. What about that hip hop group, the herbaliser?

Mo! said...

Herbaliser are stoners, so most likely they are former dorks and current music geeks.

Josh said...

Nice post. I didnt think about adding "herbalisers" to the list.