Monday, September 25, 2006

Moby Schtick: The World's Longest Joke (Part 1)

Clive Thompson wrote in Wired Magazine today about how games that offer 40 hours worth of gameplay only appeal to harcore gamers. Video game publishers have tried to appeal to both the casual gaming crowd and the fanatics by releasing games in installments with serialized narratives, making them similar to "24" and Lost."

In order to win casual comedy fans who only have time for one minute videos on eBaums' as well as comedy nerds who have watched all of Doug Stanhope's television spots, I will create the world's longest episodic joke. This is the premiere. The gripping finale will be on Friday. I present Moby Schtick: The World's Longest Joke.

One time a Unitarian suicide bomber, a fat, cheese fondue-stirring samurai, a clinically depressed chicken, a washed-up '90's rapper (Skee-Lo) and an armchair psychoanalyst were on a boat together in search of Frank Whaley, that guy from "Pulp Fiction." The Unitarian suicide bomber opened his jacket, brought out a bottle filled with nitroglycerine and had a lighter in his hand. He screamed "In the name of all religions, we will be martyrs!" Proceeding to open the bottle cap, a genie popped out. Convinced that this was divine intervention, the Unitarian suicide bomber knelt obsequiously before the genie and said "Your wish is my command, O Great 1!"
The genie said "P'shaw! What nonsense. I will grant you three wishes!"

Without haste the Unitarian said "I would like all the religions to put aside their differences and unite."

The genie directed a Madonna video, put it on YouTube and sure enough all the religions forged an indestructible alliance against her.

The second wish: "Hey I noticed some Satanists in the crowd. I wish all Satanists were dead."

The genie became Slayer's PR guy and had all the members cut their hair and try to appeal to indie rock fans like Metallica did in the '90's, thus forcing all Satanists to kill themselves.

Wish #3: "I wish all the atheists believed in God."


Stay tuned for tomorrow's episode, when Scott Stapp and a wooden sword make guest appearances.

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